City in Between

A solo revolution into the light.

2009-10-01T22:53:00.003-05:00

I went to see Children of Bodom last night. Pretty awesome! Although they played in the same venue Nightwish played at last year, and there was something about a Finnish band playing in that venue that made me really sad and long for Nightwish.

I haven't listened to a lot of Nightwish lately. I mean, every time I DO listen to it, even if it's just 'cause I'm playing guitar along with it, I love it to bits. But in my every day life, I don't feel much of a draw to listen to it. I usually yearn to listen to Papa Roach or The Kills or some such. Although lately it's been Indica like crazy, and also The Sounds which I was recently introduced to. I guess my mood's been all over.

Wound up staying at work for four and a half hours past my shift today, because I'm fond of them. :). Them being my coworkers. There was actually a job oepning at the HMV in St.Vital, which I'm considering applying for, although it would make me sad not to see a lot of my friends at KP anymore.

Although I'm broke as fuck right now because of missing so much work due to surgery. I'm not full-time so I don't get EI or anything. So my paycheck today was like half of usual, which sucks because I'm going to view an apartment in the very near future and I don't even have enough for a damage deposit right now. Much less a month's rent. So I'm thinking it might be time to take out a loan.

I THINK I'm going to go and watch some TV/a movie and have some food. Maybe the Da Vinci Code again. I think Audrey Tautou is adorable. ♥

Currently Listening: Into the Light by Papa Roach

I've got a head full of wreckage and a mouth full of lies.

My mind's in the gutter, I feel like I wanna die.

I'm the king of nothing, with a broken crown.

I've been taking a beating,

But I won't back down.

ANOTHER UPDATE.

2009-09-24T00:40:00.002-05:00

HAHAHAAHAHA

k anyway.

I was in the hospital a week and a half ago! :O

I had appendicitis. And now I have no appendix. It was the worst pain I've ever experienced. I was throwing up until there was nothing left and then I was dry heaving. I couldn't walk. And the docotors kept coming and pressing on it to make a diagnosis (fun fact: you can't be skinny for a CT scan to work) and it HURT SO MUCH. But then they operated and the pain after was so much more bearable than the pain before. Morphine was my best friend during the ordeal.

Oh so I got a new guitar! It's a Schecter Solo-6 Hellraiser in white. It's the same one Jerry uses in Papa Roach's video for I Almost Told You That I Loved You. It came to $1100 after taxes! I know right. But it's worth it and I love it. I've been learning loads of new songs. I'm not letting those solos stand in my way. I plug away at it until I get it. Right now the best solo I can play 100% is the solo in The Donnas' Take It Off.

I don't know why I decided to post. I guess I just thought it would be good to write something here lol. It's weird to think that loads of people are back to school when I don't even have to worry about it at all.

And I'm a killer indie mood lately. INDIE MUSIC RULES.

And the other day, I got a customer to listen to Sonic Syndicate! I think he liked it, event hough he didn't buy the CD. Small success but a notable one at least! ^.^

Currently Listening: Goodnight Bad Morning by The Kills

The jailors in my mind are all dead.

I love you so much, never forget.

All of our secrets are coming undone.

What a beautiful state

We are in.

I AM in fact alive.

2009-06-29T14:39:00.003-05:00

HOLY CRAP.

How's it going??

Haha like nobody reads this anymore, but I don't care.

Maybe someone will stumble across this again and then be like, "OH HER WITH THE NIGHTWISH FANFIC. WTF WHY ISN'T IT UPDATED WITH THOSE REQUESTS. BITCH I'LL CUT YOU."

Well here's how my life has been in the past like...three months.

My dad graduated from RCMP training and was posted to Prince Rupert in April.
Nothing really happened in May.
June was the big month.
June 11th - My first shift at HMV, where I finally got hired!!
June 15th - My 18th birthday. I didn't do anything on the day of my birthday, though, other than open a couple presents. My big present of the year was a ps3, because Dallas kept the other one as is only fitting since he bought it.
June 19th - Grad Dinner and Dance/Safe Grad. It's like prom to those who just can't grasp what "grad" means. I of course didn't have a date, but that's okay, not very many people did. I got all dressed up in a dress that was custom made to look like Sharon's dress from Black Symphony (minus the feathers). It turned out really well. I'll post some pictures soon, if I remember. After the dinner (I had my mom, Dallas and my dad with me) was Safe Grad. Which is pretty much the party where no one under the age of 18 is supposed to drink (but of course they do because they have friends over 18). I got pretty drunk, I'll tell you. I think my new favourite drink is vodka with lime. MMMMM. So good lol. Though of course you just can't go wrong with coolers. Those are so delicious. Only one person actually barfed and passed out at Safe Grad, though every single person who was there had a bit (or a lot) to drink. It was hilarious.
June 20th - Went to The Ex (bigass fair in these here parts) for my birthday. Hung out with Renata (assistant manager at HMV, for the record) for most of the actual day. There were tons of people so we didn't get a chance to go on many rides, but we pulled cutsies at the Drop of Fear and waited half an hour as opposed to like two hours lol. We went on the Merry Go 'Round lmao. Also on the Gravitron and the really tall swings. She wanted to go on the Banzai (which is like the Salt and Pepper Shakers just with a different name), but we didn't have enough time. She had to leave at ten with her fiance's family, so I wandered off to find Kailyn and spent the rest of the night with her and her friends. We went on the Ferris Wheel and Niagara Falls. There was no drinking all night, despite it being a celebration of my 18th birthday (which is legal age here).
June 21st - Father's Day. My dad was actually in town too. So he picked me up from work and we went for supper at The Palatal. MMMMM stirfry lol.
June 26th - Convocation, wherein we get our diplomas. Went off without a hitch, saw some peeps for what will likely be the last time. So it was kind of a bittersweet day. Afterwards went to The Keg with the family as a belated birthday/grad celebration. So good.
June 27th - Rock on the Range. WHICH I DIDN'T FUCKING GO TO. And I was so fucking pissed off. I had a fucking field ticket and everything. I am STILL pissed off.
Today I am going to Jessica's grad. She's my coworker/friend from Dollarama.

I put in my two weeks' notice at Dollarama because I don't need that place anymore now that I have HMV.

There's so much more I could tell you, but I won't.

I have not been very creative lately, for which I apologize, as it means those requests will likely go unanswered, despite me having been the one to open the floor to suggestions. C'est la vie though.

THE DONNAS HAVE A CD COMING OUT JULY 7th!! AND OLP ON JULY 21st!!
So excited.

Currently Listening: Paper Moon by Our Lady Peace

I was thinking that if you know a way out,

Then I'd like to go with you.

And we can burn out like candles

Under that paper moon.

They just don't know anything at all.

2009-03-13T15:47:00.000-05:00

Moving day number one is tomorrow.

Internet will be out for a week.

RAH!

-.-

I keep wondering why...

2009-02-23T23:50:00.001-06:00

Well hello there blogosphere. How goes it? Danika here, reporting at you live from my basement.
Today the weather was kinda chilly, kinda windy, but not terrible. One could survive without a toque or gloves.

In the news, you'll find that there's people dying all over the world, and also people being born. Scientists wonder at this phenomenon and hope to fully understand it at some point in the near future.

In Danika's personal life, why don't we go there?

At present, her parents are in the midst of a separation. She is not amused by this, for it means that she will have to move in the very near future, possibly in the next two weeks. She also tires of talking about herself in the third person.

So yeah, my mom and step-dad are separating. I spend most of my days in my bedroom with my music on very loudly now. I don't enjoy being around them. It's weird and uncomfortable. And they're always talking in murmurs upstairs that go increasingly quiet if they hear me approaching. It bothers me, so I choose not to face it. I eat my meals in my bedroom now too. There's no conversations of genuine substance that occur between either me and my mother or me and Dallas.

I'm also growing increasingly weary of people in general. I've begun to think everything might be better, for them and for me, if I just didn't speak. It irks me when I feel like they don't give two shits what I'm saying, and it pisses me off when I regret saying (or not saying) something pretty much the second it leaves (or doesn't leave) my mouth. This is happening with almost everyone I speak to now. ALMOST being the key word. And it's happening in quite nearly every conversation I have, where I either regret what I said, or wish I'd said something that I hadn't. It's just the way it rolls these days, I don't know why. For the past two weeks though, and it's driving me insane.

Work continues to be work. It's not wholly bad and it's not wholly excellent. I'm getting along way more with some coworkers, and way less with others. So that's bittersweet. I'm also slowly befriending the assistant manager at HMV and one of the people who works at Arby's. They're both really nice :). I like talking to them. Sometimes the conversations can be a bit awkward, which is entirely my fault and primarily with the girl at Arby's, because I still haven't fully grasped the moves in the dance of conversation. Getting there though. Anyways, it's kind of a novelty, you know. Getting to know them. Because I don't see them often enough, so it's like slowly, very slowly peeling away the layers. Finding out their name finally (which was the girl at HMV), or small tidbits about what's going on in their life (Arby's girl). I guess they get to know a bit about me too. The girl at Arby's (I'm refraining from saying their names because it's kinda irrelevant anyway) knows that I have multiple families, and the girl at HMV obviously knows the music I'm into. Just like I know that HMV girl is really sick these days and that she likes 3 Doors Down lol. Small things that are pretty much irrelevant in the BIG picture, but are really interesting to find out. I'm finally getting an idea of these people (the only ones who have really taken the time to have a pretty good conversation with me, even though everyone else who works at those stores ALSO sees me on a regular basis), and it makes me happy. It's not something I imagined would really happen with me, mostly because I'm pretty reserved. They took the first step though, and it makes things ten times easier for me. Feels like they really want to talk to me so I don't have to pressure them into the conversation.

There are two other girls at HMV whose names I do not know. One of them appears to no longer be there, but perhaps she's just on vacation, who always had good conversations with me. She used to work at a Dollarama, that's why lol. And the other is just pretty nice and we were talking about how busy the mall was and everything. I may have mentioned her in the summer from when I bought my Shinedown CD. It's the same girl lol.

School is an arduous task, but at present we are watching Gattaca in biology class and Brokedown Palace in law. Of course there's assignments/projects attached to them, but it's two days without worrying about taking epic amounts of notes or having questions assigned or something. I'll do the damn assignments, it's always better than the other questions we're given. In French class, it's the same old shtick we've dealt with every year in high school. Reading a book and filling out handouts. There is absolutely nothing new in that class. Psychology is alright, nothing terribly exciting goes on in it though.

On a personal note, I think I'm starting to come to terms with some things in my life. How I fit in and how I feel towards certain people. My secret infatuation has not diminished significantly, but it has a little bit (if only out of sheer hopelessness, as it were), so I consider this to be a good sign. The faster I get over it, the better, as far as I'm concerned. Unfortunately, it's not just a case of flipping a switch and being done with it because you know you'd be better off not pining over so and so. It would be so much easier if it was though. Anyways, aside from the small bursts of giddyness/nervousness I get at school from that, I'm pretty numb. I don't feel really connected to anyone, at least not as closely as I'd like. I guess it's the same thing I've yearned for for years now and never found. I'd hoped that the way things were going with some of my coworkers, maybe I'd finally find someone I could implicitely trust, but although there is still one strong candidate for that, the chances are nothing's gonna come of it. Every time I have the chance to finally explain myself and to tell what I've really wanted to all along, I close up. I dunno. I guess it's not so much the fear (with some people) that it'll be betrayed and told to someone else, it's more the worry that they don't actually care, and they wouldn't really listen when I told them, that they wouldn't understand how important that information was to me. /emo rant.

I like to laugh and smile. I just don't find the will in me at this point in time to do much of it genuinely anymore. However, I did have to smile when I made one of my LJ friends really happy by telling her I'd mail her Papa Roach's new album when it comes out. And I will for sure. It'll be her late birthday present. And I was always happy just to draw something for my other online friend and mail it to her. It feels like I did something that mattered, something concrete or I don't know how to explain lol. Anyways, she seemed to like it :).

Nothing much more to say. I'm really digging Kamelot these days. But I also watched Within Temptation's Black Symphony the other night and now I can't stop listening to Within Temptation. Omg The Cross <3333.

Currently Listening: The Cross by Within Temptation

Why have you waited to embrace me, my dear?

Cold is your silence, denying what is real.

I'm still wondering why

I'm still calling your name, my dear.

So sorry you never wanted me.

2009-01-29T22:28:00.003-06:00

HELLO!

Are you aware of how fantastically awesome The Donnas are? ARE YOU REALLY? Because if you aren't, I strongly suggest you go and check them out.

Here's life in a nutshell: Semester one is FINISHED. I got 73% on my math provincial exam and 80% on my English provincial exam. I passed Phys.Ed. I am volunteering at Special Olympics on Saturday. At present, I cannot find my mp3 player and this distresses me to no end. I am completely smitten with Olivia Wilde. I am also smitten with Dero Goi. They are my loves of choice at this moment in time. I bought a new Nightwish poster and a Rammstein hoodie. I also continue to buy far too much at HMV, but I'm trying to cut back a bit. It helps that my hours at work have been cut down. On that note, I'm also looking for another job in order to save up for my guitar and get it that much faster. I intend to move away when I graduate in June. Well not WHEN, but after the summer. And I will probably spend a few months settling into wherever I move to before I start going to school to study to be an audio engineer.

That's not too interesting but that's where we stand right now. Actually, I have this ridiculous crush on someone right now, but no one knows exactly who that is and I intend to keep it that way, and it's slowly eating away at me. I hope to get over this over the course of the next semester. Cross your fingers for me?

I've been thinking about starting a Papa Roach fanfic, but I'm not too sure yet. I also have a couple ideas for new Nightwish fanfics floating around, but again, I just don't know. I guess we'll see, won't we? Give me a prompt or two for oneshots and I'll be more than happy to write them to get back into the writing mood. And I'm being serious.

Rumour has it that Sonata Arctica is coming here in March, and Children of Bodom is for sure coming here in April. I'm gonna see them both (provided SA is true). I know I would enjoy Sonata Arctica far more than CoB, but CoB is still good...and Alexi is HAWT!

Currently Listening: The Gold Medal by The Donnas

So what were you expecting?

Every song has a perfect ending,

But that not good enough,

Not good enough for you.

I thought you opened up your gates.

You claim that everyone relates.

What was I thinking when I thought

That meant me too?

Happy belated New Year btw!

2009-01-05T23:30:00.003-06:00

Leave me an anonymous note!

And no, you don't even need an LJ account to do it ^.^

I'm not expecting any, but it would be nice.

Okay survey. I'm bored.

Lyric from the song you're listening too?
"Tomorrow, you're gonna have to live with the things you say."

Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?
I don't know because I didn't talk to anyone late last night.

Have you made a mistake this past week?
Yeah, every day I make the mistake of think way too much about things that I shouldn't.

Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
I met one girl with my same name once. I don't talk to her anymore; I was very young.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name begins with C?
Aha yeah.

How is the weather right now?
Cold.

What do you always take with you?
My bus pass and debit card.

What are you stressing about right now?
Nothing in particular, although the English exam tomorrow is kinda stressful.

What are you wearing right now?
Jeans, Papa Roach shirt, sweater.

Are you growing apart from someone close?
Not really.

If yes, does it bother you?
See above.

This time last year what was your love life like?
Nonexistant.

How is it now?
Lots of pining but nothing that'll ever come from it.

Have you ever had a serious conversation with your dad?
I've tried but I don't fucking bother anymore because everything's a joke to him.

Do you miss anyone?
Sure, I miss them until I see them again, and then I want them to go away.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
No.

What is something you really want right now?
My fucking guitar goddammit.

How many piercings do you have?
One: eyebrow.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
Of course.

Name something you CANNOT wait for?
Turning 18.

What is the last thing you used your own money for?
I guess yesterday when I bought the usual at Arby's and a game at HMV.

Can you tell when something bad is gonna happen?
Occasionally.

Would you rather have long or short hair?
Somewhere in between I guess.

What are you about to do? Eat then sleep.

Can you write with both hands?
Not well.

Has someone of the opposite sex told you they loved you and meant it?
Nope. :(

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
One.

Are you in a relationship?
No.

How's your heart lately?
Very lonely.

Do you want to see someone this very minute?
No, I don't feel like being around people right now.

Is there a reason for your myspace song?
If it's the one I think it is, then it's just because it's their latest song.

Who was the last girl you talked to?
Jessica (from work, not Jessica A).

Does anyone hate you?
I'm guessing so, but I'm not aware of it.

Are you afraid of roller coasters?
No, I just don't find them enjoyable. They give me whiplash and it's unpleasant.

How many hours did you sleep last night?
Two.

Like anyone?
Yes.

Think anyone's cute?
Duh.

Ever turned a girl/boy down you shouldn't have?
No.

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
I don't really know.

Are you happy?
At this precise moment I have no complaints, but with life in general, not really. Right now anyway.

What were you up to at 11pm last night?
I don't fucking remember. I might have been watching Chuck or in my room drawing.

When was the last time you had butterflies?
Today.

What are you looking forward to in the next 4 days?
Nothing.

What was the first thing you thought this morning? Stupid fucking school.

Current mood?
Tired and hungry and grumpy.

Have you ever had a black and white cat?
Yeah. Two actually.

Two names you go by?
Two names that aren't my actual name? Well I guess Nika and Smiles.

Is there any drama in your life right now?
Actually not really. Or at least not relevant aha.

Who was your last phone call from?
Grandma.

Do you think more about the past, present, or future?
Present.

Who was your last text from?
Jessica (from work).

Who is the last person to tell you "I love you"?
My mother?

What are you craving right now?
Mozza sticks gaddammit >.<

Do you do your own laundry?
Yes.

Do you like Chinese food?
No *gag*.

Do you have a secret that less than 3 people know about?
People in my real life, yes. As far as I'm aware. Though several people online are aware of it.

What color are your socks?
One is red and the other is dark blue.

How many hours of sleep do you personally need to function well?
Four I guess?

What's your favorite article of clothing?
This grey sweater with thumbholes aha. Or my Nightwish tour shirt (from the first concert).

Have you ever dyed your hair?
Always.

Do you work hard in school?
I used to work a lot harder at everything, but I kind of gave up this year.

Do you like your school?
It isn't terrible.

If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days", what would you be wearing?
My PJs I guess.

What color shirt are you wearing?
Grey.

What does it say? It says Papa Roach and it has their pretty cool "Heartless" design.

Do you like to cuddle?
Sure.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
I don't know.

Ever met someone with cancer?
Yes, several.

Think of the person you told "I love you" last, did you mean it?
Yes, considering that was my mom lol.

What did you do this weekend?
Worked and did nothing else of importance.

What are you doing right now?
This and talking to a friend on last.fm and trying not to faint of hunger.

Do you and your parents get along?
For the most part.

Do you ever turn off your cellphone?
Sometimes at night.

Did you listen to a song that reminded you of anyone today?
Almost every song can remind me of SOMEONE.

Do you want to tell someone how you feel?
I don't actually know.

Where are you at right now?
In the basement.

How many different things did you drink today?
Umm I had a lot of hot chocolate and some diet Pepsi but I think that's it.

If you could change your eye color, would you?
Definitely. Stupid dull green eyes are boring.

Would you prefer a baby boy or girl?
I don't like kids at all.

Do you text or call more?
Text, and I don't do very much of that either.

When you are home alone, do you still close the door when you shower?
Yup, and I lock it too. Force of habit I guess.

Have you recently done anything that you wouldn't want your parents to find out?
I guess.

Do you like waking up in the morning to find that you have new texts?
I'm surprised but feel no other particular emotion.

Are you usually wide awake in the mornings?
No. I am so not a morning person.

Did you ever read any of the Babysitters Club books?
Oh god, I think I actually might've read one.

What is bothering you right now?
Me and how I'm a stupid fucking idiot.

Where is your cell phone?
Right in front of me on the desk.

If you're being extremely quiet, what does that mean?
That I have something bothering me or I feel quite out of place.

What celebrities do you find attractive?
This list could go on forever. But okay, top five. Anette Olzon, Olivia Wilde, Jacoby Shaddix, Barry Watson and Tuomas Holopainen.

Does it take a lot to make you cry?
No, but I don't full-out cry in front of people EVER.

What do you do when you're nervous?
I don't make eye contact with anyone and fidget.

What does the newest text message in your inbox say?
Work tomorrow?

Do you think it's cute when a guy buys a girl a promise ring?
Not really. I think it's pretty ridiculous.

Do you drink more water or juice?
Juice. Water's so...flavourless.

Are you there for your friends?
I do my best. But they never come to me for help anyway, so I don't have to try too hard.

How different are you from three years ago?
I guess I;m less of a loser and more in touch with who I am.

When's the next time you will see the person you like?
Tomorrow if all goes well.

When was the last time you cried?
Two days ago I think.

What's your favorite color?
Blue and dark purple and red. NO I CAN'T CHOOSE JUST ONE OKAY.

How good is your vision?
Not so great...hence the glasses.

What should you really be doing right now?
Sleeping.

Last person you were in the car with besides your family?
I don't know, I don't keep track of this shit.

Are you currently frustrated with someone?
Myself?

Do you use chapstick?
Yeah.

Do you like your hair?
It's alright, but I like to change it up pretty frequently lately.

Would it hurt to see the one you love making out with someone else? NO I THINK I WOULD TOTALLY NOT CARE AT ALL BECAUSE THAT'S THE TOTALLY LOGICAL REACTION. Obviously.

Are you afraid to grow up?
Kind of. Don't know what's going to happen after grad and it freaks me out.

What is something you wish you had more of?
Money.

Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
Nope, unfortunately.

Are you usually the first to say sorry when you're in a fight, or the last?
I don't know.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
Yes.

Do you plan on hugging the last person you hugged again?
Yup. I like hugs haha.

Where is your number one person on your friends list?
On Myspace I'd imagine at their own homes in Finland/Sweden lol.

How late did you stay up last night?
Well when I finally got into bed (though ofc I dind't fall asleep right away) my clock read 4:30 AM.

Does seeing couples in love make you mad?
No. It just makes me wish I had that.

When you take a drink of something, do you hold your pinky up?
No.

Ever stayed up all night on the phone?
No.

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
At this precise moment, no.

Do you usually have weird dreams?
More often than not.

Will this weekend be a good one?
It's unlikely but I guess you never know.

Do you curse a lot?
Yeah.

Can you cook?
Easy foodstuffs, sure.

Where was the last bruise you got on yourself and from what?
I don't know. The last one I noticed was on my leg and I think I got it at work.

Currently Listening: Get Out Alive by Three Days Grace

If I stay, it won't be long

'Til I'm burning on the inside.

If I go, I can only hope

That I'll make it to the other side.

I FAIL AT LIFE

2008-12-28T02:15:00.004-06:00

YUHA. It's been a little while, hasn't it? Well what's happened with me? Nothing much, I'm afraid. I've been working like crazy, I saw my dad & family for Christmas and all 'round, things have been well. There's been some moments where I've wanted to shoot myself, but I get over those and life goes on pleasantly enough. I got a new amp for Christmas. It's pretty sweet. I've also been buying an assload of stuff from HMV these days. I'm pretty sure I have at least 12 bags in my room right now.

My obsession of the month has definitely been Olivia Wilde. She's so incredibly talented. I need to get ahold of her movie "Fix". I've looked all over the place for somewhere to order it and I just can't find it ANYWHERE. Ohhh it has to be sold SOMEWHERE right?! :'(

Oh I got Sonic Syndicate's other CD Only Inhuman for x-mas! :). I was pretty pleased. They have one other CD I believe, but I'm not interested in it. They got softer once Roland joined and I like the softer sound of theirs. I've never been much into the really agressive metal. Children of Bodom being the exception, but I rarely listen to them anyway. I realized I'm still a bigger fan of rock music at the end of the day. I like metal, and I'm discovering more and more metal bands that I like, but ultimately, the more melodic sound of rock music is preferable to my ears. Less palm-muted, incredibly fast guitar. You know. But I still love me my metal bands. Nightwish, Epica, WT, COB, Sonata Arctica, Sonic Syndicate, so on and suchforth. Yeah :). I like industrial metal a lot too though, especially when it comes to male vocalists. Maybe because again, it's more melodic than typical metal. I love how metal has all the sub-categories though. You know? I think that's pretty cool. I doubt you'll find another genre with that much variety under one...figurative roof.

So this was just to hit you up and let you know that, yeah, I'm alive and doing well ^.^. I don't think anyone reads this anymore, with the exception of those who stumble across it via random search engines. I tried to write in here about a week ago but it was all "Your cookies aren't activated" when they were so I was all, "FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE ANOTHER VUNDO." But it wasn't! Yay.

Currently Listening: Second Chance by Shinedown

My eyes are open wide.

By the way, I made it through the day.

I watched the world outside.

By the way, I'm leaving out today.

I just saw Hayley's comet. She waved,

Said, "Why you always running in place?

Even the man in the moon disappeared

Somewhere in the stratosphere."

It's all over.

2008-12-04T16:45:00.003-06:00

So ends an era. Well hey, a story I've been writing for almost a year might as well count as an era.

Hard to believe it's over.

Well I might write another someday.

We'll see I suppose.

Going to finish and start my Christmas shopping today because it was payday and payday = money for presents.

OMG THE O.C. OMG. Isn't it great?

Currently Listening: Hollywood Whore by Papa Roach

Whitetrash queen, American dream.

Oh what a role model.

Throwing a fit, making a scene,

Like no tomorrow.

I love Jonsu. Lovelovelovelove. Also 38 "secrets".

2008-12-02T21:44:00.005-06:00

O HAI. Well, if you check my LJ, I think I'll have some icons up by the end of the week ;). Icons featuring Jonsu (OF COURSE!), Anette and Simone, as well as two actresses, animated Papa Roach Hollywood Whore ones and animated House 5x05 ones. :)
I hope to be done by the end of the week, anyway. It shouldn't be too hard.

I bought The O.C. Season 2, just for Olivia Wilde being in it (I get kinda ridiculous over things/people that I am a fan of, I know) and I'm thoroughly enjoying it so far.

My Sonic Syndicate shirt arrived today! :D It's kind of big, but I'll get it taken in around the torso and sleeves and it should fit well. I was also pleasantly surprised to find two free stickers and a SS postcard with my order. That was very nice of them. The stickers are just the covers of their last two albums, "Only Inhuman" and "Love and Other Disasters". They are pretty cool though. And the postcard has a picture of the band on the front, so that's gonna go on my wall.

We had to write these rants in class and I chose to write about misjudging the soldiers who fight in wars blahblahblah (going back to the American soldiers being clalled "baby killers" after the Vietnam war). But then I volunteered to read it, and it's not like we had to stand up or anything, and as soon as I started reading, I got RIDICULOUSLY nervous. Seriously, it was absolutely terrible. I was just thinking the whole time like "STOP IT WTF". Because you know you start shaking and your voice starts shaking and you feel like you're going to throw up. And I couldn't figure out why it was such a bad attack of nervousness over this stupid thing, because I HAVE gotten better at presentations. Not EXCEPTIONALLY better, but I have improved since grade 9, and it's been a long time since I've felt that nervous, but man. So I was thinking about why I could have had that reaction and the only thing I can think of is because it's my own opinon on things, instead of like a play for Hamlet or whatever. It's like, if people mock it, they're mocking what I believe. I don't know. It was extremely unpleasant, and I regretted it almost as soon as I started. I should have given up after the second sentence and told the teacher to finish reading it :/. It was really, really bad. I hope that doesn't happen again.

Anyways.

thirty-eight secrets about yourself!
be honest, no matter what.

one ; have you ever been asked out ?
Once.

two ; where was your profile picture taken ?
(This is from Facebook) It was taken in Seattle with Marco!

three ; what's your last name ?
LeDressay.

four ; what's your current relationship status ?
Single.

five ; does your crush like you back ?
The chances of that EVER happening are slim to none. And I'm leaning toward the latter.

six ; what is your current mood ?
Bored.

seven ; what color underwear are you wearing ?
Black.

eight ; what color shirt are you wearing ?
Black and pink.

ten ; beginning of grade eight?
Um what about it? I had friends. Where did number 9 go?

eleven ; if you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
A bird of some sort. Flying would be fun.

twelve ; ever had a near death experience ?
Yeah, I narrowly escaped being hit by a car downtown.

thirteen ; something you do a lot ?
Play guitar?

fourteen ; last time you went to the movies ?
A couple Saturdays ago to see Twilight (WHICH SUCKED ANUS BTW)

fifteen ; who did you copy and paste this from?
Girl in my gym class.

sixteen ; name someone with the same birthday as you ?
Courtney Cox Arquette ;)

seventeen ; when was the last time you cried?
I actually cried a little bit today but it was over something completely ridiculous O.o.

eighteen ; have you ever sang in front of a large audience ?
Once. Never, ever again.

nineteen ; if you could have one super power, what would it be ?
Mind-reading. But at will, not like having a bunch of people's thoughts attacking you all the time.

twenty ; what's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Eyes and/or smile.

twenty-one ; what do you usually order from starbucks ?
When I'm in the mood for something cold, I order a mocha frappucino, and when I want something hot, I order a cinnamon dolce latte.

twenty-two ; what's your biggest secret ?
At the moment it's...well there's a reason it's a secret ;)

twenty-three ; favorite colors ?
Black, blue, red, and sometimes also dark purple.

twenty-four ; do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows ?
Hellz yeah! When there's nothing else on, Spongebob or Fairly Oddparents or Ruby Gloom FTW!

twenty-five ; what are you eating or drinking at the moment ?
I was actually thinking of getting a Caramilk bar after I was done this, but atm nothing.

twenty-six ; do you speak any other language ?
French!

twenty-seven ; what's your favorite smell ?
Cinnamon.

twenty-eight ; have you ever kissed in the rain ?
No.

twenty-nine ; what are you thinking about right now?
I am thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about.

thirty-one ; What should you be doing right now?
Probably writing my English essay.

thirty-two ; who was the last person that made you upset/angry ?
Genuinely angry? I'm not really sure. But just annoyed, well my mom or Shanel. One of the two :p.

thirty-three ; how often do you pray ?
I don't. Because I don't believe in RELIGION or GOD or PRAYING.

thirty-four ; do you like working in the yard ?
Not really.

thirty-five ; if you could have any last name in the world, what would it be?
Something cool, but I'm not sure what. I kinda like my last name.

thirty-six ; do you act differently around the person you like?
I don't think so O.o. I mean, I'm pretty sure no one knows a) that I like anyone (though now it will be common knowledge) or b) who it is. In which case, I succeed! I AM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHO SO DON'T EVEN ASK.

thirty-seven ; what is your natural hair color?
Blonde.

thirty-eight ; do you like your name ?
Meh.

Currently Listening: Never Too Late by Three Days Grace

This world will never be

What I expected.

And if I don't belong,

Who would have guessed it?

You helped me keep my dreams alive.

2008-11-28T15:31:00.003-06:00

GUESS WHAT?! :D Fanfic update. Hope you like it. Things are winding down now, as I'm sure you can tell by the lighter tone of the chapters, and the way things are finally being resolved.

Have I mentioned that I love Jonsu? Because I do. She's awesome. She plays guitar! I flipped out when I saw that. My respect for Indica went up like 5000 times after that. I'm addicted to them. I ordered an Indica shirt with their Valoissa album. I also ordered a Sonic Syndicate shirt. I'm looking forward to them arriving.

I'm slightly freaked out by the prospect of university. I keep trying to decide what I want to do with my life, what I want to study, what I'd like a career in. Pretty much right now the toss-up is between film director (again. After having met a couple film producers, I realized that I would never be able to handle that) and record producer. Both of them are kind of in the same vein, except with different medias. But the record producer has a vision for the album and tries to bring that to life, the same way as a director for a film has a vision and tries to bring that to life. Though neither writes the script, casts the parts or anything, they're ultimately the ones running the ball game and bringing different thoughts and ideas together. I think either would be cool.

I'm applying at a bunch of universites, once I can figure out how to get ahold of information and applications. There will be U of W, and also U of M, a uni in Vancouver and also one in Toronto, a few in the States, and a couple in Europe. I do really want to get out of Winnipeg. I mean, I'd be freaked right the fuck out to move to say Germany for university, or even the U.S., because I don't know anyone there. I'm really shy, so it would be really scary. At the same time, I'm sure I'd eventually make a friend or two, and the experience would be really rewarding. So I think I should just suck it up and do it, provided I get accepted to an out-of-country university, that is.

Well, today is Shanel's b-day party. I don't have a present for her O.O. I have to go to the bank and take money out. I HATE doing that :/. Money is safer when it's on my debit card in a place where I can't see it.

Speaking of money, my next paycheck is gonna be pretty sweet. Not AS sweet as my last one, but still . I've worked one 4.5 hour shift this week already, plus i'm working 2 8-hour shifts this weekend. Next week I'm working 4 shifts. Though payday is on Thursday but still. So much better than those couple paychecks where I got like...$70. How disappointing is that.

Currently Listeining: Do Or Die by Papa Roach

My strength is overcome by pain,

My love for you remains the same.

The loneliness is setting in.

I have no one to free my sins.

Rinnalleni en tarvi joukkoasi

2008-11-28T00:33:00.004-06:00

I'm sorry. I couldn't find words to write this chapter, so it's stuck at like 500 right now, and I don't think you want a chapter that short. So, I have no school tomorrow. I'll keep working on it and you'll find it in the middle of the day over there.

I suck at schedules :p.

I HEART INDICA THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY. Jonsu is the best. :)

Currently Listening: Shaking by Our Lady Peace

So you fucked this up again.

It's time for you to leave.

You never had many friends,

And you thought this was alright.

Savage Garden is THE SHIT.

2008-11-21T01:02:00.004-06:00

Oh my GOODNESS what a sappy chapter.

Well then. I hope you don't mind that. Almost 1500 words! :D

Enjoy enjoy! It was pretty hard to write, so I'm sure they aren't very in-character, but oh well. These things happen.

Currently Listening: The Lover After Me by Savage Garden

Am I all alone in the universe?

There's no love on these streets.

I have given mine away

To a world that didn't want it anyway.

I've wandered ten thousand years for you.

2008-11-20T18:15:00.004-06:00

Alright folks. You don't really know me, do you? Many of you don't anyway. But if you've been around this blog, maybe you've gotten an idea of me.

So here's what I'm asking you to do. :p
Go to this site for the Good.
Go to this site for the Bad.

I am interested, and if you have an idea at all about what you tihnk of me, please do it. :)

So, yeah, there's an update coming in a few hours, no worries.

Also, DEAD GARDENS! :D I learned how to play it on guitar. FINALLY. I got all of it NAILED. So now I have to re-learn Ghost Love Score in D tuning instead of Dropped-D. I wish my Firewire wasn't being shitty because I'd totally make a video and show you THAT I CAN PLAY IT AND OMG I'M SO PROUD. lol.

I gave up on the Sixx:A.M. icon challenge. I have no inspiration for it, so whatever.

Man oh man, it was payday today. I got $317! Second biggest paycheck! And as Christmas approaches, I'll be getting more hours, so more stress, but also more money SO MAYBE I'LL ACTUALLY GET MY GUITAR! I'm telling you, that guitar is beautiful and it's gotten nothing but good reviews and omg I want it so badly.

But this is the thing, alright. If I kept all of this paycheck, then after one or two more, I would be able to afford the C-1 Schecter that I want as well. So do I save up and get that when I can afford it or do I go beyond that and keep saving up for the more expensive one, and after I have that one, then save up for the Schecter if I still want it by then? AHH DILEMMA.

Anywho, I'm going to post those links to LJ, Myspace and Facebook now and then go keep playing guitar and then write some more so you have your update in time or shortly after! The fanfic is almost done, I am not even exaggerating. I can't believe it. I really can't. If I get really inspired, I may even completely finish writing it tonight. O.o.

Currently Listening: Gateway by Stabilo Boss

I've been so far gone that there's no need

To try redeeming me.

I believe that I'm the greatest of mistakes

That ever has been made.

Your shit is overrated (or mine, in this case...)

2008-11-12T17:18:00.006-06:00

Last.fm needs to stop telling me they have an update available because it never installs properly and it's annoying.

I downloaded some Green Day yesterday because I remembered why I loved them so much and yeah. It's still good stuff. I'm thinking of getting Theory of a Deadman's new album too. Well, it's not new anymore, but their latest album. But I also need Three Days Grace's new DVD.

Anyways, I'm not posting with a purpose today. I realized it's been awhile since I've just posted randomly on this blog. I post to LJ all the time these days, and if you ever see me say I've made icons or something, it's always over there, fyi. Speaking of icons, aside from my Nightwish 100 challenge (whcih I need to get extended) as well as my Jacoby Shaddix 100 challenge and the Sixx:A.M. 50 challenge, I am making even more lyric icons.

I think that no one who reads this actually enjoys the pointless posts, but whateves.

I got Dark Passion Gallery, the Once Songbook and the Nightwish jacket yesterday! DPG is awesome XD. And seriously the songs in Once aren't very easy O.o. Except Ghost Love Score and Nemo of course. THE JACKET IS OMGGG. I really like it. I'm so happy about it. It's nice and warm and fuzzy too.

Well then. I'm afraid my train of thought is barely moving today. I've been working like crazy, I worked for four nights in a row. It just about killed me. But the next paycheck is gonna be quite nice. I'm working again tomorrow, but you'll have a fanfic update after I get back so no worries.

I STILL have to write an essay about Hamlet for English class, but I don't wanna. I want this week to endddd. Right now. But anyways, I'm gonna go try to find a fix for my Firewire problem because I just just remembered about it. It's pissing me off so hardcore, it's ridiculous.

Apparently it was a smoke machine with Anette. I don't know if I believe that, but it works for me and whether or not it's true or the full truth anyway is irrelevant and won't change the fact that it happened. She didn't owe anyone an explanation to begin with, so we should all just be happy that she cares enough to apologize and explain.

Currently Listening: Overrated by Three Days Grace

We can't relate

To what you think you know.

And you create

The problems that will never go away.

There's nothing like the pain I feel for you.

2008-11-11T14:54:00.003-06:00

So you all know what happened with Anette in Brazil, eh? Where she was crying and walked off the stage at the end of TPATP? I was thinking about this, and that's the part of the song (and incidentally also the exact line) that almost always makes me cry. And maybe it just struck a profound chord with her that day, because everyone has those days where they feel very emotional and like anything can just set you to bawling. Or maybe she just got some bad news or something and so it struck her extra hard. Rumour has it that she's losing custody of her son? I hope that isn't the case, I will be incredibly sad for her if that actually happens. Just because I wrote about it in my fanfic doesn't mean I ever actually thought it would happen or ever EVER wanted it to. :(

I am horrified by the response of some people to this. I think people forget that she's just as human as the next person and she's allowed to not feel well sometimes and to just want to lay on her bed and cry all day (I get those days sometimes :p) and she's allowed to be sick or pissy or grumpy. And I really hope whatever was bothering her, if it's her voice or personal problems, goes away right away, and that's she's feeling 100% better as soon as she possibly can. Not for Nightwish nor for the fans, but for HER. So that she can feel better and happier. Because isn't it so great to just feel completely content? I wish that feeling for everyone. And I do hope for the sake of the fans that that doesn't happen again, and for the sake of the band that there isn't too much going on her life that she can't stay in it (yet again my secret doubts are welling up that she will actually stick with this band until the next album), but if they have to cancel more shows and if she has to quit the band because that's what's best for her and that's what will give her that feeling of content, then so be it and I hope that's what she does. Of course, I'd be devasted if she quit Nightwish. Completely crushed. I would cry and cry and cry. But the PEOPLE involved matter more than the music they make. Even if she'd never been in this band and if I never knew of her existence, she wouldn't deserve a divorce or losing custody of her son. She would deserve happiness in her life and contentment with how things are. And YOU deserve that, and I deserve that, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. I hope to god she can pick herself up from this and that everything falls into the right place for her and that she's happy, no matter what she has to do to achieve that.

That was a long way of saying that no matter what, she should be happy, and I hope she gets to a place of perfect contentment. :)

In that brief span of time where I met her, and that brief span of time when she acknowledged my existence at the end of the concert, I could TELL that she loves the support, that it really means something to her, that all of this means something to her, and you know that she's an incredible person with a big heart and lots of smiles. I hate to see people like that upset, especially to the point where they're crying. Shanel, if I ever see you cry of anything other than laughter, it will kill me inside. I hope you know that.

Anyways, my Nightwish stuff arrived and I'd go on about that, but the mood isn't quite right.

Hope NW's concert tonight will go splendidly.

And I hope I don't sound too weird for expressing all of that. O.o. I care far too much about people that I don't know. (It's not just bands or anything, like even random people's blogs and stuff, I get sad if they're sad.)

Currently Listening: Not Enough by Our Lady Peace

When they say you're not that strong,

You're not that weak.

It's not your fault.

And when you climb up to your hill,

Up to your place,

I hope you're well.

Nothing is ever carved in stone.

2008-11-05T12:02:00.004-06:00

Well I, for one, am quite pleased that Obama won. And I think every American calling him the antichrist is being just a tad RIDICUFUCKINGLOUS. Seriously, he wants to separate the church from the law. That's a GOOD thing. And even if you're of the opinion that it's NOT a good thing, it still isn't nearly bad enough to call him the antichrist O.o. (This is why I don't like religion...)

So I am gonna make me some lunch right now and then write some. I have to work until 10:30 tonight. I really wish she'd stop giving me hours on Wednesdays. I keep missing Pushing Daisies because of it! So I'm thinking I may switch "update day" to Thursday as well. Dunno though. But money is good no matter what. I really wish my Nightwish stuff would arrive already! I'm DYING while wait for it.

SONIC SYNDICATE IS AWESUM.

Currently Listening: My Escape by Sonic Syndicate

In the end, I learned

That one single snowflake

Can set an avalanche in motion.

Some questions are dangerous,

The truth is not an option.

This is the illusion I pulled down over your eyes.

On Papa Roach who are awesome

2008-11-01T03:20:00.004-05:00

I am c/ping this. But it all achieves the same thing. Also editing links in a moment. Prepared are you? Halloween sucked ass, thanks for asking.

The opening bands sucked. I mean, I didn't like them. It was The Waking Eyes, from Winnipeg, Default who were full of hits that all sounded alike, Mobile which are actually tolerable, and the boring Watchmen, also from Winnipeg.PAPA ROACH WAS EPIC. There are no other words to describe it. They opened with Between Angels and Insects, and it was amazing. I don't remember the rest of the setlist for sure, but in no particular order, it was:
BAAI
She Loves Me Not
Hollywood Whore
Lifeline
Forever
Getting Away With Murder
Scars
Broken Home
Dead Cell
Reckless
To Be Loved
Time is Running Out
Last Resort

Okay so...Time is Running Out brought Jacoby into the crowd. He walked through the arena, unfortunately heading back to the stage right at the end of the section away from me. Did that make sense at all? Anyways, I love Papa Roach sing-alongs. The "Wooah WOAH. Woah WOAH. Yeah. Yeah." Was fun. She Loves Me Not was great amounts of headbanging fun and tons of energy from the band.

Hollywood Whore is the most amazing live song I have ever seen by any band I swear to god. It kicks such complete ASS. So good. Jacoby said the usual, "Who's sick of bitches like Britney Spears and talentless cunts like Paris Hilton?" as intro. But then he continued on right after Paris Hilton with, "I want to take that fucking silver spoon she was born with in her mouth and gouge her fucking eyes out." And the entire arena ERUPTED into cheers. Awesome.Lifeline was good. Those lyrics I used as the title are from that song. I have loved that line ever since the song was still called Hangin' On. No one knew it, of course, because I AM DIEHARD FAN who watches shitty live performances of new songs. I love that line for reasons I could specify, but it's not the place right now. Anyways, it's got a great groove and energy. It will probably become a single one day.Forever was great, Jacoby asked us to light our lighters, or our cellphones, or that joint we smuggled in in our pockets. :p.

GAWM is always going to be one of my favourite PRoach songs. Jacoby's performance on this song live was simple astounding, and it was incredibly amazing to see almost the entire arena screaming out "GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER!" during the chorus.

Reckless was introduced as being for the partiers and the people who do drugs and drink too much. Jacoby said he doesn't often hate himself, but he wrote that song when he did. Or something like that. I was honestly quite surprised they played that song, because I was expecting mostly singles, due to the fact that they have enough singles for a full setlist. Dead Cell was also a surprise for this reason.A pleasant one. I went completely insane on that one. And Broken Home, too. Broken Home was...just...incredible. Fucking heartfelt.

Scars bored me, but it always has. It was a lot of awesome venting, though, to scream as loud as I possibly could, "GO FIX YOURSELF." God, it felt good. lmao.

Then came Last Resort. The last song :(. It was great, though I think Jerry may have screwed up at the beginning, playing too fast, but I could be mistaken as I was going so nuts headbanging. Then Jacoby got us started on the "Papa Roach! Papa Roach!" chant, which, again, was amazing to see the entire arena screaming it. They took a bow. They left. I was euphoric. Amazing concert. This dude to Janice's right was all like, "You guys totally rocked out." Or something. we were all going nuts. I loved that we had such a good section. I headbanged more at Papa Roach than I did at Nightwish, and I was in the fucking stands at PR.

So definitely my second top concert. It didn't beat out Nightwish in May, but mainly because so much AWESOMENESS happened at that concert that it's not going to be topped for a very long time. Performance-wise, they were probably about equal. Jacoby is the fucking best frontman ever.

Didn't get to meet them/get my pic taken with them, which I think would have made my life, to have met my two very favourite bands twice in less than a year and to have gotten pics with both. But it's alright. The concert was so great. I left with the same feeling a left NW in May with, that feeling of completeness and such content you feel like nothing can bring you down. Not the desperation and depression I faced after Nightwish in Seattle.

These are the only two bands that I've ever felt this strongly about.

Currently Listening: Song to Say Goodbye by Placebo

Before our innocence was lost,

You were always one of those

Blessed with lucky sevens

And a voice that made me cry.

My oh my.

Papa Roach makes my life.

2008-10-31T02:00:00.002-05:00

PAPA ROACH WAS AMAZING.

MY SECOND BEST CONCERT.

More on this tomorrow. I have to sleep.

Currently Listening: Life is a Bullet by Papa Roach

Single me out,

Tear off my front,

Make me expose what I conceal.

:O

2008-10-30T03:07:00.003-05:00

The chapter is really short. I'm sorry :(. I just write to the end of the thought. I hope the next chapter is longer. I hate that it's so short. Oh well. Hope it's good enough anyway, despite length. Quality over quantity? I don't evne know if the quality's that great. :/

PAPA ROACH!!!! :D :D

Currently Listening: Have a Drink On Me by PAIN

The older you are, the wiser you get.

Just listen to me.

When life gets tough, and you know it will,

Then have a drink on me.

You're a number one hit.

2008-10-29T01:29:00.003-05:00

HELLOOOOOOO out there.

I has EPIC news.

PAPA ROACH RELEASED A NEW SINGLE! :D

Well, not officially, yet. But the video's up, and it's pretty awesome. Exploding heads FTW XD. Well I guess it's not so much exploding as dissolving and then having flesh and blood chunks spewed everywhere :p.
check it out. Hollywood Whore. That guitar riff is awesome. Jerry never disappoints. Lyrics are pretty awesome. They're so outspoken, you would almost think they were from Infest, but PRoach still keeps up with their evolution and maintains the rock sound from Paramour Sessions. No going back to nu-metal for them. :D

I wouldn't be shocked if this got them some publicity. Since it was written about "cunts like Britney Spears and sluts like Paris Hilton" after all. :p

Papa Roach, I love you.

I'M GOING TO SEE THEM IN TWO DAYS! Yay! Did I even mention that here?! o.O. Probably somewhere.

In OTHER news, I downloaded Pain's new album and IT IS FUCKING AWESOME. BUY IT. I am buying it whenever it gets released here. It's fantastic. Peter is awesome. Anette's guest appearances are awesome. It's all AWESOME.

I have not even started or thought about the next fanfic chapter lol. But no worries! I'm coming home at lunch tomorrow and i'll crack down and get to business. May even post it then if it's done. And if not then it waits until after work. Because I get off work at 10. I have to work on Halloween too :(.

You know, I'm increasingly getting this feeling that I'm completely excluded from my friends now. Not necessarily because of my job, not necessarily because I moved. I don't know, it's just this weird feeling I'm getting that I don't belong anymore, that I'm not overly welcome. I'm probably looking too much into it but it's bothering me. A lot more than it probably should. It doesn't help that there are other things bothering me too, and far too many things making me overly happy, things that maybe shouldn't. I'm a raging pile of hormones. WATCH OUT I JUST MIGHT STAB YOU IN YOUR SLEEP. Because I'm crazy doncha know. Really though, it's bugging me a lot. I don't really have anywhere anymore.

House is progressively awesome. I LOVE Olivia Wilde. She's an AMAZING actress. Seriously, splendid. I don't know the last time I saw an actress THAT good. Jesus eff. I look forward to episodes revolving around Thirteen because Olivia is one of the best actors on the show (Hugh Laurie aside, of course :p), imo. I find it so incredibly awesome to watch how convincing she can make it look. Why do so many people hate Thirteen? I don't get it. D: She's too awesome to be hated!

Projects on the go right now:
Sixx:A.M. Accidents Can Happen video icons (14/50 done)
Jacoby Shaddix icons (52/100 done)
Nightwish icons (0/100 done)
Papa Roach Hollywood Whore animated icons
House 5x05 icons (animated & not)
R'Shiel drawing
Anette video
NW fanfic
Letters (!!!)

That's about it for now lolz.

I have learned a few new songs on guitar as well. I learned Alive, No More Secrets and Reckless by Papa Roach, plus Lass Mich Raus by Oomph! and the Sleeping Sun, OTHAFA and Walking in the Air solos by Nightwish. And Cadence of her Last Breath by Nightwish. I'm trying to learn Master Passion Greed as well as the Cadence solo right now. I want to pick up I Devise My Own Demise by Papa Roach if I can find a decent tab for it.

I ordered the Once-songbook. So I'm going to be learning that album very soon. ^.^

I can't remember everything I've written in here in the past while o.O.

Movie rec for you: Alpha Dog. Yeah it's about gangsters, so I assumed I wouldn't like it, but it was quite surprisingly good. I think I just might have to buy it...when I can find my goddamn debit card anyways.

Currently Listening: Hollywood Whore by Papa Roach

Awake by noon, drunk by four.

Sucked up into show biz.

You're so lame, you're such a bore,

I wanna kick your teeth in.

2008-10-23T00:26:00.002-05:00

I'M SORRY THE FANFIC UPDATE SUCKS SO MUCH! D:

The next chapter SHOULD be better, and the one after that better...er.

It's short too, I know. NYGAHHH.

Anette's voice is seriously awesome. Like we didn't know that anyway.

2008-10-20T20:47:00.004-05:00

Guess what? The gym substitute we had today was hot. He looked like Raine Maida. I kid you not. I didn't even mind that he was chewing gum, that's how good-looking he was. It would be great if he replaced either of the gym teachers. It would give me incentive to go to class each day.

Of course, that didn't change the fact that gym sucked. Basketball and the weight room, on which I stayed on the bike thing, but I had the broken one so the seat was HURTING like HORRIBLE. I was very uncomfortable.

Now, links links links.
First and foremost, some very nice hotness of the girl-on-girl variety, which generally I don't get all "OMFG" over except srsly. Just. Seriously. Watch and see. It's only 42 seconds and not hardcore in any way, if you happen to be worried about that :p.
AND
Pain feat. Anette - Feed Us
Pain feat. Anette - Follow Me

(Follow Me is incredibly awesome.)

I bought Sonic Syndicate's newest album, "Love and Other Disasters" yesterday. I'm enjoying it quite a lot!

AND you'll PROBABLY be getting fanfic updates regularly now, unless I have a good reason (so not that I forgot, lol), due to the fact that someone I talk to regularly is now reading it and claims she'll pressure me to update every week. So there.

Currently Listening: Jack of Diamonds by Sonic Syndicate

My destiny outruns me

And I can't find that key

To lock up everything that's bad

Inside of me.

Forgetful bitch that I am ^.^

2008-10-15T23:05:00.003-05:00

OH HAHAHAHA. I forgot to write another update for the fanfic. Well. I doubt anyone's waiting with bated breath for it CONSIDERING HOW HORRIBLE I MADE IT BE LATELY. GAWD. *disgusted with self*

Trying to fix it, also I'll try to have one done tomorrow night. I've been PREOCCUPIED making icons like a motherfucker.

Currently Listening: One More Pill by Stabilo

Said you like the taste,

Yeah the taste of my tongue.

Please forget this face of mine

And I'll forget this space in time.

On writing fanfic about real people.

2008-10-11T00:02:00.003-05:00

I was thinking today. You'll find this is something I do from time to time. I was thinking about this Nightwish fanfic I have going. I know it's not the worst out there (I have read some that were like O.O), but I was thinking of what the band themselves would think if they read it (and seriously, god forbid they ever do). I don't think they'd be pissed, so much as horrified that someone's imagination could come up with something like that. Especially Anette. The thing is that, of course I know they're real people, I've met them, spoken to them, had pictures taken with them, but I'm so incredibly far removed from them that they COULD be fiction if I didn't know any better. I wouldn't write a fanfic about, quick example, Anthony's band Jack Straight, even if they ever got famous or whatever. Because I KNOW him, he's a real person in my life through more than lyrics and instruments. Well not like that, he's really just an aquaintance, which is still more than can be said of NW. I guess the reason it's so easy to write fanfic about real people like that who are actors or musicians is that they're so far removed from you, even if they do read it, it's not like a) they'll ever know it was you personally (instead of just whatever internet name you happen to be using), b) they'll be able to confront you or c) you'll have to face their reactions. They might as well be fake for how much I interact with them.

Just saying. I hope that makes sense. Fueled by discussion on the NW.com boards, naturally.

I never really thought before about how I was able to write fanfic about real people. I understand why some people can't fathom it, in fact, I was such a one once. But it's the same as normal fanfic over fictional characters. You write fanfic about PotC, you're still picturing Johnny Depp as Jack and Keira Knightley as Elisabeth. You're writing about this act they're putting on. But you'd be weirded out to write about them as people? Why? You don't know what they're really like and most of what you see is probably just an act anyway, like any other part in any other movie they might have. Same for Nightwish. We gather that Anette is just a happy person who likes to smile, but I'm willing to bet she's NOT like that all the time. Even the happiest person I know doesn't walk around smiling like that, etc. I'm betting a lot of that is an act, since she's not likely to outwardly show when she's pissed right the fuck off. She can't, that's how she alienates fans or potential fans.

And at the same time, I have zero basis in fact, for either thing. One gathers what one can of a person's character from interviews, the same way as another fanfic author would gather an idea of a character from a movie from...the movie. You disconnect yourself from them, and you don't think about what they'd think of it, you pretend they aren't real, and that's how you can write about them as though they AREN'T real.

I CAN'T EXPLAIN THIS. Know, though, that Jessica wrote me (name and all) into one of her stories as someone who gets raped by their father, and other than being mildly weirded out, I didn't really care. It's not real, and all she's really using is my name.

But in a way, I find it almost weirder to write about cartoon characters O.o. I can't explain that probably, but it's trying to add depth to a two-dimensional (for the most part) drawing.

I totally get not want to write about real person sex scenes though. I find those incredibly awkward to read, maybe just because I can't imagine those people I idolize doing that :p. Particularly when it gets kinky hardcore porn writing. Logically, of course, I am aware of the fact that they're all having sex, D-UH OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE, but I don't want to read about it no matter how fake it is, just the same as I'd probably rather die than watch a pornographic movie starring whoever it is.

I'LL SHUT UP NOW.

I hope that was coherent enough. And even if it wasn't, I'm sure no one really cares.

Currently Listening: Replica by Sonata Arctica

Nothing's what it seems to be,

I'm a replica, I'm a replica.

Empty shell inside of me,

I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me.

On time this time!

2008-10-08T12:11:00.003-05:00

I give you a new Nightwish fanfic update and again apologize for how short it is, and also if it's crappy. Next chapter should be longer...the reactions almost always are.

Anyways, there you go, enjoy. I have to work tonight :(. Not fun.

bury this hate.

2008-10-06T00:16:00.005-05:00

I went to see the movie "Religulous" today. Pretty good. Anti-religion is always right up my alley.
But this best part was as we were walking out of the theatre, I heard these two guys behind me. And one said, "Look, there's a girl in a Nightwish hoodie!" repeated a couple times because the other guy didn't hear him, and then the other guy said, "Oh yeah, Amaranth!" I considered turning around and giving them a big smile, but of course I didn't because my shyness was quite the inhibition. It's great to know that there's NW fans in this great big city. Of course I knew there were, with a sold out show plus those two guys I saw in Nightwish shirts. It's just still happy-making.

So I'm writing an essay right now. I'm kinda at a loss for words atm and it sucks. But I'll write 'til I have a page and a half and then leave and go draw because I want to DRAW goddammit!

I've listened to some shit quality recording of Papa Roach's soon-to-be new single, Hollywood Whore. I'm telling you, it's fucking fantastic. I'm so stoked for that cocnert.

I've decided the next song I'm learning on guitar is Alive by Papa Roach. It will be fun.

Currently Listneing: Bring Back the Sun by Our Lady Peace

We shouldn't have to fight

Or worry about the bills tonight.

I wanted you to know

I want to be your shadow.

SUCCESS!

2008-10-04T00:10:00.002-05:00

HA! I POSTED IT WOO! And it's over 1500 words too!
Things are getting kinda back on track.

Anyways, enjoy that latest fanfic installment and I will see you again (there, anyway) on Wednesday provided there are no horrible pitfalls in my life again :p.

Currently Listening: Budget Meeting by Hans Zimmer

[Instrumental]

meh.

2008-10-02T00:43:00.003-05:00

FUCK MAN.

Fanfic'll be tomorrow night. Not at lunch. Because I'm not coming home at lunch tomorrow. I say "it'll be one schedule" all happy and assuming that things aren't going to go wrong and then things go wrong and it's not on schedule and I feel bad for saying it will be and then it winds up not being.

God this week is the worst week ever I swear to god. I want it to end. Make it end. I'm tired of it and I want it to go away. I am MISERABLE and hurting (physically) and ill and I keep getting shitty headaches. And I'm grumpy and sad because I keep thinking about the things that make me sad and things are losing meaning, except Papa Roach which has apparently GAINED meaning and I've listened to them for hours now. I wonder what this could mean. Because their music never meant this much to me even when I was a huge fan. Weird stuff is going on with me, man.

I played guitar today and felt a bit better, and then squeed over Anette with someone for a bit and that made me happy too, and now I'm just tired and grumpy and bitchy and wanting to give up. lol. Oh well. Maybe by some odd stroke of luck tomorrow will be better. I harbour doubts that it will be, but I suppose one never knows.

Failure of epic proportions.

Currently Listening: Never Enough by Papa Roach

Now something's wrong with me,

I'm bleeding profusely.

And this seems natural to me,

I fuck up every day.

Somebody put me in my place.

Lateness and lost meaning. That's never good.

2008-10-01T12:48:00.003-05:00

Hey. Next chapter might be up a bit late (tonight/tomorrow at lunch) because I haven't written anything as I've been feeling terrible these past days. The only thing that can cheer me up honestly and truly is Twilight sporking and parodies. Which have me doubled over in laughter. Always. They are awesome and I am tired of Twilight.

Anyways, lateness is ick.

Also, Nightwish is...losing meaning for me. This is bad. :(
I have been listening to DPP on repeat since last night, trying to rekindle my love for them. There are a couple songs that are just WOAH that never were before, but for the most part, I don't feel anything when I listen to it now. This is shit. This had better be a phase.

Currently Listening: Escapist by Nightwish

The nightingale in a golden cage,

That's me locked inside reality's maze.

Come someone, make my heavy heart light,

Come undone, bring me back to life.

uuuuuuuuuuuugh

2008-09-27T00:29:00.003-05:00

Yeah so. CROO CROO Anette's okay. Or going to be. I am optimistic on that point. Apparently she never went to the hospital, and that is good ^.^. I know it's incredibly selfish, but I'm so relieved that this stuff didn't happen until after I'd seen them in Seattle. I would have been completely, I mean COMPLETELY crushed. After saving for an entire month at my minimum wage job and borrowing $400 on top of that to go see them, if that had been cancelled, I don't know what I would have done. I know that there are a lot of people who were crushed about this, but it seems to me that the furthest people planned to go for these concerts was a couple hours' drive. Which is a LOT cheaper than a plane ticket + ferry tickets + hotel. But I do feel for everyone who missed the shows, and I sincerely hope that they get made up in the future.

I need caffeine. I can't believe I'm tired at 12:30 in the morning. Jeeeeezus.

Worked today, it was interesting. Did new things. Was confused a lot. I hate learning new things because I never know if I'm doing them right and I get all nervous and worried :p.

I mean, seriously. Please, chocolate covered coffeee beans or Red Bull or SOMETHING. This is retarded.

Working on the video, but I'm having some difficulties. Actually editing has not yet begun. Video formats and file types have been causing problems and these must be solved before I may begin.

Opeth is on Monday. Exciting stuff.

For the record, fanfic updates will continue on schedule, every Wednesday provided the powers that be aren't conspiring against me again. I'll get around to updating the about page with that...sometime.

Currently Listening: I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace

Every time we lie awake,

After every hit we take,

All the feelings that I get,

But I haven't missed you yet.

HAPPY FACE TIME.

2008-09-23T22:05:00.008-05:00

GUESS WHAT BISHNU?!

You get an early update because the powers that be are conspiring against me for tomorrow. Since we have CET, I'll not be able to come home for lunch, so I won't be able to post it then, and I'm working from 5 'til 10 tomorrow night, so that means I'm not coming home from school and likely won't be home before 11. So anyways, yay! Update! Yay! Tarja! Yay! Everyone go yay! It's short, again, though. I think this is an upcoming trend, chapters that are about 200-300 words shorter than previous ones. Get used to it. :)

I am making ANOTHER video. This one is just a tribute to Anette though, not the whole band ^.^. In my quest for videoclips, I have had the pleasure of re-watching some old interviews and OMG ANETTE IS FRICKIN ADORABLE!

Although I think that's a bit weird coming from someone 20 years younger than her, and a bit weird directed at someone who's the same age as my mom O.o. I think perhaps I should keep these outbursts to myself from now on...

I am very sad that she is so sick she is in the hospital right now though. :(

I feel so bad for the people who are going to miss the canceled shows, of course, but so much worse for her. I hope she doesn't feel guilty, and I hope she feels better soon. She's been sick every time they've come to North America, and if it's anything like what I had when I got back from Europe, it must be so horrible. *hugs her*. Please get better soon, Nettan dear, even though you're never going to read this.

Currently Listening: Never Too Late by Three Days Grace

No one will ever see

The side reflected.

And if there's something wrong,

Who would have guessed it?

heeHEE your mad writer friend is back!

2008-09-19T03:18:00.001-05:00

I've been writing like an insane person tonight. I blame this on those who post to the NW fics comm thingy on LJ. I HAVE FOUND INSPIRATION BECAUSE OF YOU AND I THANK YOU.

So, teasers of what's to come: We get an update on Tarja, Nightwish starts a new tour, something bad happens to Anette (again), but it's not something bad in the same way the other bad things have been, so don't worry about that. Other stuff happens, there's internal struggle, revelations and understanding as to why Anette's character was crafted as such and why she dealt with her situation as she did, eventual resolution and the end! We're 4/5 of the way done, you guys! 9 chapters to go. Nine weeks of updates and then it will be over. And so shall end my longest writing commitment EVAR.

This last batch of research I did for the fic was insanely depressing. Like woah. And also one part almost made me sick.

Anyways, look for your local update next Wednesday before 11 pm Central!

Do you like PostSecret, btw? Well, if so, you should also check out FOUND Magazine. I find these kinds of things to be insanely interesting.

Currently Listening: Revenge by Papa Roach

It's all right.

We're in love.

Can't live with,

Or without.

I really despise math.

2008-09-15T22:52:00.004-05:00

So I was gonna write some more fanfic tonight. I thought, "Writing would do me some good, methinks." But I got this hugeass pile of math work to catch up on that I missed during my Seattle/Victoria trip. IT IS SUPER UNPLEASANT.

So anyways. I didn't write any :p. I'm waiting for some ideas to stir as to where we're gonna go from here and stuff. I did write a summary, as I told you, but I decided I wanted to change the ending. I'm trying to decide how. Don't worry, it will be a happy ending no matter what.

In other news, PAPA ROACH IS COMING BACK TO WINNIPEG! Which is spaztically exciting. Though the album's release date has been pushed back AGAIN 'til March 2009. It's cry making.

Currently Listening: Time is Running Out by Papa Roach

So when I'm out of control,

And I'm out of my mind,

Just remember one thing:

I tihnk I'm just fine.

So catch me when I fall.

I won't remember anything at all.

So catch me when I fall.

100 Posts! Woo!

2008-09-13T00:55:00.004-05:00

But I don't have that prezzie surprise of lameness I promised a while back. I fail.

Seattle was fun and what follows is what I wrote on LJ. I have been neglecting this blog lately, and for that I apologize. And after the bit about Opeth at the end, it's special stuff for those who read this blog's eyes only. And that sentence seems really fucked up grammatically.

My dad and I got to Seattle at like 2, went to the hotel and then decided to find the venue and stop somewhere to eat if we passed anywhere appetizing. So we walked and walked and came across a Showbox venue! But it wasn't the one we wanted. There we passed a guy in a Nightwish shirt, who I would get to know later.

So we walked and walked some more, stopping in this GIANT bookstore along the way, and then we walked some more, leaving downtown into an industrial-type, gritty area. And we passed the Showbox SoDo, identifiable only by the three big ol' buses outside. And this tiny little sign. But it was closed, so we kept walking and stopped at Starbucks. We headed back at like quarter after four and there were two guys there. Picked up the ticket and headed to the other entrance, where the under 21 year olds had to wait. There was a tear in the paper, so we watched Nightwish a bit as they did soundcheck. Had hoped they might come say hey, but they didn't.

We waited for four hours before doors were open. This goth guy came over to our little group and hung out with us (the guy I saw by the other Showbox earlier). He was from Vancouver. All the people I was talking to were really cool. Then the staff said everyone who was 21 and up could go into the bar, so Jeremy and Vancouver guy went to the bar, leaving me and the other guy in the line with like 200 people behind us. 8:30 rolls around and they open the doors, but security's sloppy and are getting told what to do as we watch everyone who was in the bar take the first two rows. So unfair that people who got there 15 minutes before the doors opened got into those rows when myself and my newfound friend had been waiting for four hours and weren't. But whatever.

We finally got in and ran to the front, got into what could be called the third row. Waited forever. Then Sonata Arctica came onstage. They were pretty good, never heard anything by them before, but unfortunately about halfway through, the volume on Tony's mic cut down significantly and it was pretty much impossible to hear him singing. They were awesome onstage though.

Waited another forty minutes and finally Nightwish came on. Pretty cool, I think it was during Whoever Brings the Night, Emppu stuck his tongue out at me, so I stuck my tongue out back at him and he laughed. That was the only time I was really acknowledged by any of them. But he was very fond of this one girl in the front row, he kept pointing to her and telling her to headbang more, even though she was already headbanging like crazy. And everytime someone crowdsurfed, he we make these funny faces that were all pretend-shocked. And during Dead to the World, Anette wrapped her arm around him for the "Heartfelt, lovelorn" line, and he did his usual shocked face, but then he reached up and pretended to grab her boob, which was all the funnier because Anette was completely oblivious.

What else, what else.

Well, TPATP. When it got to the "The Pacific" part of the song, there was so much bass going, I started to feel sick, probably because I was overheating, dehydrated and hadn't eaten anything but a peanut butter cookie. I remember thinking, "I'm going to barf." Then Anette left the stage and they started the pre-amble to "Dark Passion Play" and my vision started going dark and I thought, "Oh god, I'm going to pass out." Next thing I know, it's like I'm waking up from this deep sleep and there's a whole bunch of people helping me up and looking worried. I thought it was a dream until I remembered I was at a concert. There were at least ten people in the front rows shouting for security to help and they cleared a way for me to the front and lifted me over the barrier and sent me off to the side. I think Emppu may have seen this as it was happening, as well. How embarassing :S. So I sat down for a few minutes and then wandered over to get a bottle of water, but didn't have American money on me, so I asked if she'd take Canadian money and she told me just to take the water for free. Then I bought a shirt (they didn't take debit, I had to withdraw money from the ATM). And Nightwish started playing Sacrament of Wilderness, which I so desperately wanted to see live and rock out to, but unfortunately I spent most of the song pushing my way through the crowd until I was approximately where I was before. I caught the last chorus at least. The rest of the concert was a blur. I wasn't going as crazy as before because I didn't want to faint again. They didn't come down to shake hands after the show, but Tuomas stripped off his sweaty shirt and chucked it into the crowd (this will be relavant in just a moment). They did their final bow and we left on shaky legs. Myself and the guy I was hanging out with in line went to the back of the venue by the buses, where security had set up a barrier. There were forty of us there.

Just a few minutes passed and Emppu, Jukka and Marco headed out the door! They all stayed to sign autographs, and I kept asking them to please sign my ticket, but they didn't hear me and went into their van. Marco promised they'd come back after they went to the hotel for showers. So the van drove off and Tuomas came out maybe five minutes later with his arms full. He went to the bus and dropped the stuff off and came back out. He was so nice. He spent fifteen minutes signing autographs for everyone and taking pictures with us, answering someone who was grilling him as though it were a for realz interview. The guy who caught his shirt was like, "Tuomas, will you sign your sweaty shirt?" and Tuomas said, "What are you going to do with a sweaty shirt?" and sounded a little creeped out. The guy with the shirt's like, "Put it on my wall." O.o. But Tuomas signed it and continued down the line. He was so cute when I was taking our picture. He's like, "Okay, let's see if this will work." and I said, "Let's hope so!" I was having difficulty pressing the button. After the pic was taken, we looked at it and he said, "It's not SO bad." I replied, "Yeah, half my face is cut off and I look insane!" He just laughed and kept on going, taking pics and giving hugs (by the end, he looked annoyed with the hug-giving. I didn't ask for one though, because I can only imagine how weird that would be for him). He hung out for a bit at the other side and then headed back to the bus.

We waited some more and saw the van pulling up on the other side of the buses. The guys disappeared into the bus and Sonata Arctica came out of their bus and hung out by the door. I was gonna go over there and get a pic with them, but since I was right at the front of the barrier, I didn't want to lose my spot. And I also thought, "What if Anette comes out while I'm over there? Or the guys come back?" So I didn't. After SA had gone back into their bus, Marco came back with a cigarette and a beer and took time to sign autographs for everyone. Afterwards, he's like, "There I think I've done everyone." there was a pause and someone in the crowd said, "Dirty!" right as Marco made this funny face and said, "Wait, that sounds...funny." 'Twas amusing. He took a pic with the guy from Vancouver and then I asked him for one and he gives this look to this other guy in the back who had asked for a pic, and the other guy says, "It must be your good looks!" and I said, "Yeah, you're so handsome!" Marco laughed and one of the people I met in line took our pic. He went through everyone and then came back over to us and talked to us for like 10 minutes. I asked him if he knew Papa Roach, he said yes, I was like, "Cool!". Further conversation, someone was talking to him about his equipment and favourite songs to play, etc. I asked him how he liked the cross-Canada tour they did and he said it was fun. The venues were tiny, but he likes playing in clubs, apparently. I told him it was great seeing them at the Garrick and he got all awkward. He got awkward whenever someone complimented him or Nightwish; I guess it was that kinda thing where you just don't know what to say to a compliment. We talked about his "bass player juice" in his cup, and he said jokingly that he didn't know whether or not it was the beer that made him a good bass player since he started drinking it when he started playing :p. He was really cool.

After Marco left, we waited FOREVER. We just wanted to see Anette. Finally an NW crew member, I presume, went to their bus and came back to tell us that she wasn't coming out. Which was profoundly dissapointing since she was the one I wanted to meet the most. The Vancouver guy got pissed, and I was too, at the moment. It was like, "What, she can't spare ten minutes of her precious time just to say hey to 20 people? Does she think she's better than us?", but I know that wasn't it. It was just a brief thought that flashed through my mind. She was sick, you could hear it when she was talking to us during the concert, so I guess she just wasn't feeling great. Doesn't change that it was disappointing.

Through all this hour and a half past when the concert ended, my dad was waiting patiently on the other side of the parking lot. And as we were walking away, I told him that I didn't meet Anette, who I wanted to meet most. And then he tells me he said hi to her before the show and didn't even know who she was. GAH. But whatever. I'll try to catch her again in three or four years when they're back in North America.

Also, I totally didn't like what she wore onstage. It was way to lingerie-esque for my tastes. And I've decided that I really don't like her blonde hair. The black looked SO good, and the red was really cool too. But the blonde is just...not a colour I'm fond of, I guess. It reminds me of "the plastics", you know? Or popstars or something. Which is a retarded connection my brain randomly makes, though I know I'm never going to be fond of that hair colour on her, even though she's naturally blonde. But it'll be different in a few months probably anyway.And the day after, I was so down, and I don't know why. I think I was partly disappointed because I hoped seeing them in Seattle would be better than when I saw them here because I spent SO much more, but it wound up not being as great. And I was still disappointed by not meeting Anette, and pissed that I hadn't been in the front row even though I should have been. There's a bar at the Garrick, but 18 year olds wait in the same line and are allowed in at the same time as everyone else and if they want alcohol, then they can bloody well give up their spot in the front row. I thought it was so stupid that they let 21 year olds in before everyone else. I was also really disappointed that I fainted and so missed half of TPATP and most of Sacrament.

I don't think it was a waste of money and I don't regret going, by any means, I'm just disappointed that I spent so much only for it to be a good experience rather than a great one. I'm also sad that they aren't going to be back for another three or four years, but hopefully I'll still be this into them by then. Plus now I have nothing to look forward to. There's Opeth at the end of the month, but I barely know them at all, and I'm only going because I told Joe I'd buy him a Nachtmystium shirt and Jeanette really, really wants to go.

What I HATE though is that I can barely remember it. It pisses me off so much. I just remember bits and pieces from the half after I fainted, but some songs are just completely gone. I virtually DON'T remember Sacrament (WHY THAT SONG I HATE YOU SELF) and 7 Days. Or WIHAA. Seriously, it's depressing. I remember almost the entirety of the Winnipeg concert in crystal clear quality in my mind (though Shanel informed me today that I stuck my tongue out at Emppu here too, which I don't remember AT ALL. I think maybe it was outweighed by the whole Emppu winking at me thing). And I'm dying to see them again, so hopefully the next three years will go by fast. The only reason I'm dying to see them again, though, this time, is because I just want to REMEMBER it, and I want to be in the first fucking row so that Emppu will notice me more, heh. After the winnipeg concert, I was floating on happiness for at least a month after, after my initial post-concert depression. And this time, I just feel kinda empty. I'm better than the day after though. God, I was so weepy that day, haha. But whatever. Hopefully PRoach will bring themselves over to the northern States on their tour with Staind so I can go see them in MN or ND.

More to say, but since this post is an epic length already, I'll shut up.

EDIT: OH AND WHAT THE FUCK. I was reading someone's concert thingy about Cleveland and WHY WAS THERE SO MUCH MORE MERCH THERE?! NOT FAIR! All that was at Seattle were three Nightwish shirts, I swear to god! I didn't bother looking at the SA side, but WTF?! That made me sad. There was CDs and a shitload of shirts apparently and wtf man, it's so not fair. NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR.

And also, I forgot to mention that I got the NW Tourbook from Europe in the mail while I was gone. The pictures in there are just love. They make me so happy. It was good to see when I got back since I was still disappointed about the concert (I still am in fact). I couldn't stop smiling while I looked at those pics though.

Currently Listening: 4 A.M. by Our Lady Peace

And if I don't make it known that

I loved you all along...

Just like sunny days that we ignore because

We're all dumb and jaded.

And I hope to god I figure out what's wrong.

Enjoy enjoy enjoy.

2008-09-05T22:38:00.005-05:00

OH HAI GUESS WHAT?

NEW FANFIC UPDATE! ^.^

In case you don't know, "joie de vivre" means "joy in living". But it sounds better in French. Haha.

I am working tomorrow and leaving Sunday morning at 6:30. I may post from BC Sunday, Monday, or Wednesday night, but we'll see. Wednesday's most likely, with a concert report XD.

Anyways, enjoy the update. I hit a block where I was at, so it's short, but it's a start. Dunno when the next will be, I have to get back on schedule and shit.

OMG I'M GOING TO SEE NIGHTWISH AGAIN! SQUEE!

And yet...lately I'm more of a Sixx:A.M. fangirl. I nearly died of happiness heart explosion when I read they were gonna make another album. Oh, James <3.

Currently Listening: Life is Beautiful (acoustic) by Sixx:A.M.

You can't breathe until you choke,

You gotta laugh when you're the joke.

There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel

Alive.

Sick as a dog, but this handful of painkillers and a lot of whiskey's gonna get me through

2008-09-04T16:59:00.004-05:00

Okay maybe not. I am sick though. I just had to quote Girl With Golden Eyes by Sixx:A.M.

Yesterday was the first day of school, interesting and sucky. Today was the first REAL day of school which I didn't go to because I was sick. Very sick. I don't know what's wrong with me. But anyways.

I'M GOING TO SEE NIGHTWISH! :D

In Seattle! For real! The hope was shot down, then came Montreal, that was shot down, then Seattle again and it's actually happening. I'm going to be gone from Sunday until Thursday, so you won't be hearing from me in that time.

I'm going to get off my ass with the fanfic. But I have another project right now that actually has a deadline, so we'll see.

And if you've been wondering where I've been lately, I've been posting more to LJ recently.

I got my wisdom teeth out last Friday, which was unpleasant to say the least. But it had to be done, I suppose.

Mmm, and while I'm here, go check out my new Nightwish video. ;)
Comment and rate plz? Or not. Whatever floats your boat.

Currently Listening: Thrown Away by Papa Roach

Don't wanna talk to the counsellor, doctor,

Tell 'em what's real, to tell 'em what's proper.

Situation's unclear like grey,

And I know it gets worse every day.

But I'll be smiling when I die...

2008-08-28T03:37:00.005-05:00

Montreal...isn't happening.

And my entire aim lately is not to think about it. Because if I think about it, I'll be reminded of how disappointed I am, not only in the fact that it didn't work out, but also in myself for even thinking it could.

It just sucks. I've been saving up for months for absolutely nothing. I paid $50 for a concert ticket that I'm never going to use except to stare at and feel sad.

I haven't felt so much sad, aside from my mini-meltdown directly following the news, as empty. Just this hollowness of disappointment. I should have known better though.

I'm going on a spending spree to make myself feel better before I start saving up for all the other things I desire. At least one of them is my aim to have next summer, the most expensive, but I'll be 18 and I think I'd be willing to take out a loan for something like that. *NOT SAYING WHAT*

If I listen to Nightwish, I get incredibly depressed, though. So I've been listening to Sixx:A.M. like crazy. Methinks they're becoming another therapy band for me when I'm down.

I heard the acoustic version of Life is Beautiful and it is simply put and completely AMAZING song and absolutely beautiful. I had to rip it from the Youtube video because I couldn't find it for download (even paid download) ANYWHERE. And I needed it. I needed it because it's so incredibly touching.

Currently Listening: Courtesy Call by Sixx:A.M.

I can't feel anything, my arms are numb,

And I'm hoping you notice

The light that I left on.

It's not your whole life.

2008-08-25T16:07:00.004-05:00

I LOVE SIXX:A.M.!!

I'm working on a set of 50 icons from their Accidents can Happen video. I've been listening to the song on repeat for the past like two hours :p.

The bands that have affected me most have been, in this order, Nightwish, Papa Roach, and Sixx:A.M. Maybe Sixx:A.M. is ridiculous since it's all about doing heroin and overcoming addiction, but a lot of the songs don't even seem like that. I desperately hope they do another album, because I will die if that's all James' lovely voice winds up being heard on.

Today, I was randomly given $100. It was a shock, since I hadn't even expected $20, but it's just in time since this Montreal thing is shaping up. I've already decided if it doesn't happen, I'm going to completely splurge on Nightwish merch. I have my concert ticket, I got it in the mail a few days ago, so please don't tell me that I wasted $50 :(.

And in other news, the little fanfic is nudging its way into my thoughts again. I don't know when I'll actually sit down and try writing it, but the fact that I'm thinking about it is a good sign.

Go check out Accidents Can Happen, I swear to fucking god, this song is ridiculously beautiful.

Curently Listening: Accidents Can Happen by Sixx:A.M.

Take some time,

Learn to breathe,

And remember what it means

To feel alive,

To believe there's something more

Than what you see.

Cruefest report!

2008-08-21T20:37:00.005-05:00

Mostly C/P-ed from LJ.

We get a call at 3:30 telling us to be at the MTS Centre by Moxie's for 20 after 4, where we would meet someone who would bring us to meet Papa Roach. So she leads us downstairs, we wait around for a bit, then we're let in. There are six of us. We're told we're meeting Buckcherry first, and some pro photographer is gonna take a picture of us with them. We get a picture signed, two of the band members seem really egotistical, one of them seem sreally cool, picture's taken, drummer plays Rock Band with one of the other girls (and fails miserably which is hilarious), then leaves. We're directed outside again, and told that with Papa Roach, we aren't allowed to pose with them for pictures or anything because there isn't enough time. We go in, some girl gets her purse signed by Jacoby and he says he's signed it all from "boobs, to dildos, you name it." :p. Tony's first, he's all easily distracted, we have a minor moment of confusion when he asks where I want him to sign on the CD booklet (eventually we wound up choosing the front). Going down the line, I exchange a few words with Jerry and Tobin, then my Nightwish "conversation" with Jacoby ensues.

Him: *grabs pic to sign, looks at my shirt, looks down to sign, hands me the picture* Nightwish.
Me: Yeah, you know them?
Him: Yeah, with the girl singer, right?
Me: Yeah!
Him: Yeah, we toured with them in Europe!
Me: Are you serious?! That's awesome! (at this point I briefly think of telling him that I saw Nightwish in May, but decided it was lame.) *grabs CD booklet* Thank you so much!
Him (or possibly Jerry): Thank you for supporting the music!
Me: I have been for four years and don't plan to stop. (side note: WHY DID I SAY SOMETHING SO LAME?! >.<)

Jerry (or possibly Tobin): Enjoy the show!

Me: I know we will!

That was it. Better meet & greet than Nightwish's, though I think NW was just having a bad day or something. I'm so happy I got to actually talk to Jacoby though. So we leave and I buy a Papa Roach shirt at the nearby merch stand and we go up to the third floor, where our seats are, and go through security, etc.
First picture of just the band.
Second picture of Jacoby talking to me. I'm not in it though :p. But you can see the corner of the signed pic I'm holding. We're supposed to e-mail the guy from Universal to get our pics with Buckcherry. I'll have to remind Janice of that.I think I'm going to sell the signed pic I got of them on eBay or something, since I really don't care for Buckcherry.

TRAPT
Rating: No rating.
Review: We only caught their last two or three songs, because of the meet and greet. Their last song was their best and only hit "Headstrong". It was enjoyable. I found their other songs boring, there was also pretty much no one in the arena at that point. The people behind us really got into it, though. They must have been TRAPT fans.

Sixx:A.M.
Rating: 7/10
Review: It was great. Their opening track was "X-Mas in Hell", so we had to go through all that waiting for them to get on-stage. Their backdrop was really cool too, btw. It was really fun. DJ Ashba added in some cool guitar solos at random intervals, and Nikki Sixx and James Michael were pretty funny, when James got his guitar, and they were like getting in each others' faces, and then Nikki kicked James, and James kicked Nikki. It was really cute. The downside was that James was recovering from losing his voice, so he didn't do his awesome falsettos, and the one time he went really high in his belting voice, his voice broke and it actually sounded really, really painful and he went and drank a shitload of water afterwards. He got out a video cam during "Tomorrow" and recorded the audience. They'll probably use that in some video or another, since that was what their official video for "Tomorrow" is made of. Anyways, it was great. I heart James.

Papa Roach
Rating: 10/10
Review: Absolutely amazing. No words to describe it. Jacoby went down into the crowd for "Time is Running Out", he walked right around the arena, climbed into the stands and rocked out with a bunch of people there, crossed the floor, went to the other side. When the song was over, he was about to go back to the stage, when he suddenly jumps into the stand and goes up to this woman maybe halfway up. "Hi, what's your name?" he says. "Kelly," she says. "Hello, Kelly. Can you please tell me why you're sitting on your ass at a rock and roll concert?" It was so funny. He didn't give her time to respond, he just walked away, going on about how you shouldn't be sitting at a rock and roll concert. He gets back to stage and they start playing "Forever", there's the pink lights and everything, and Jacoby says, "Man, this song makes me feel like a pimp." The whole arena bursts out laughing. He's fucking hilarious. There were a few other moments of precious Jacobyness, like when he sang the line, "I know it shouldn't, but it's getting me off," in "I Almost Told You That I Loved You" and he did the little jack-off hand motions. Also when he put the microphone into his mouth, seriously, right into his mouth, and screamed into it at the end of "Between Angels and Insects". Jerry was going absolutely nuts too, headbanging like there was no tomorrow. I swear to god he headbanged even more than Emppu did at the Nightwish concert. And he kept running over to the drum riser and jumping off. It was funny and awesome. The entire building completely exploded for "Last Resort" too. And at the end, Jacoby got everyone going on a Papa Roach chant. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Buckcherry
Rating: No rating
Review: No review. Janice and I left for their set, went to Tim Horton's, and bought me some more merchandise.

Motley Crue
Rating: 9/10
Review: AWESOME. I don't even like their music, but it was fucking fantastic. Pyrotechnics (I didn't even think the MTS Centre was set up for that) and fireworks, really loud, really great to see all the energy in the crowd. Downsides being the soft porn playing on the videoscreens during "Same Old Situation", "Sick Love Song", "Dr.Feelgood" and "Girls, Girls, Girls". Plus Tommy Lee's Tit E. Cam. That was awkward. Seriously, I can't believe some of the stuff they showed there. It was an all ages concert at that. I saw quite a few little kids running around in Crue shirts. But then again, they are Motley Crue and that's their thing. Their opening little skit was quite funny. Silhouetted angel, silhouetted devil, then the silhouetted angel gives the silhouetted devil a blow job. Haha. "Saints of Los Angeles" was a personal highlight for me, because I love that song. All the singers from the other bands joined Crue on-stage for the song, and at some points, the audience completely drowned out the band with their singing. Nikki Sixx, whom I was admittedly watching the most, is very cute on-stage. He would stand at the edge of the stage, and you could see that he was looking directly at one particular person, and he would wait until he had a chance to reach down and grab their hand. He kept beating up his mic-stand too :p. And point at people in the stands. During "Motherfucker of the Year", he kept flipping people off too. It was funny. They finished off with a bow, and Tommy going, "Can I get a hell yeah?!" and when we all screamed "Hell yeah!" he's like, "You guys are great Motley Crue bitches." Or something.

I'm totally tripping over the fact that I met my two very favourite bands in the span of four months, and beyond that, that they know each other!! IF I get to see Nightwish in Montreal and IF I get to talk to them (I intend to get there very early, after all), I am definitely going to ask if they know Papa Roach and tell them that Papa Roach knows/remembers them.

My only regret from when I talked to Jacoby, aside from saying something so lame, is that I didn't ask if he'd heard their new album. But oh well. Maybe he'll check it out now that he's been reminded of the band. Oh god, you guys don't understand how happy I was. And how NICE Jacoby is in person. The whole band, they were really nice, all of them talked to us, so welcoming and happy. We had a pretty decent amount of time just to talk to them, I mean, it wasn't leisurely or anything, but it was still enough to say more than "Hi", you know? Then again, there were only sic people they had to meet, not like 20 like Nightwish. *sighs* I want to see both of the bands touring together. So badly.

Currrently Listening: Made of Steel by Our Lady Peace

I can be anything that you want me to be,

A holy cross, some sympathy

That reminds you not to bleed.

SQUEE!

2008-08-18T01:38:00.001-05:00

I MET PAPA ROACH!!!

AND JACOBY AND I TALKED ABOUT NIGHTWISH!!!

More on this tomorrow.

Concert today!

2008-08-17T12:38:00.003-05:00

Soooo...maybe I won't see Nightwish in Montreal after all :(. I bought my concert ticket already though, I'll probably be getting it like tomorrow or Tuesday actually, but fuckface Dollarama gave me ZERO shifts next week and I need another 30 hour week in order to afford the plane ticket. I'm actually touching up my resume right now, and there are two places that are hiring right now where I'm going to drop it off.

Cruefest is today, I'm actually going over to Janice's in a couple of hours where we will listen to PRoach and Sixx:A.M. (even though I've been only listening to PRoach for the past like three days) for a few hours prior to heading out for the cocnert. I wasn't able t get a meet & greet, but apparently these things are sometimes organized the day of. So the guy's got my mom's cell number and is going to call her if it winds up happening, but I don't think it's going to. Oh well. These things happen. *tries not to think about how disappointed she is*.

So you'll have a Cruefest report tomorrow evening. I don't doubt it will rock, it's just our seats suck so much :(. But floor tickets costed $100 and I'm sorry, I don't love Papa Roach enough for that. I loved Nightwish enough to pay $70 for a meet & greet plus early entry to a rush seating venue, I don't love Papa Roach enough to pay $100 to get a spot on the floor way in the back without a meet & greet or anything. I'm not made of money. Well maybe I'll try to track them down before or after the show. I doubt I'll have any luck with that, but you never know.

Currently Listeining: Be Free by Papa Roach

Now I'm full of guilt and shame.

I can't point a finger 'cause there's no one to blame.

So I say I'll never do it again,

But when the sun goes down, you are my only friend.

I do very much like Oomph!

2008-08-15T01:57:00.003-05:00

Go see my LJ. I posted some icons there. Primarily Nightwish.

I'm going to Montreal to see them. Seattle's off the list now, since Dollarama cut back everyone's hours. It's about $600 cheaper to go to Montreal. The funny thing is that the day I did the math and realized I wouldn't be able to afford Seattle was the day my mom was going to order the tickets online, in fact she'd planned to only a couple hours after I told her not to. So she didn't.

Oomph! put all their songs from their new album on their Myspace. I highly recommend checking it out ;). It's very awesome. I love their new single Labyrinth, and their video for it is beyond awesome. Dark twisted versions of Alice in Wonderland for the win!

Learning how to play Life is Beautiful on guitar. The notes are easy, it's just very fast.

Cruefest is on Sunday. Pretty pumped.

Currently Listening: Labyrinth by Oomph!

Klopf, klopf, lass me rein.

Lass mich dein Geheimnis sein.

Links, recht, geradeaus,

Du bist im Labyrinth.

[Knock, knock, let me in.

Let me be your secret.

Left, right, straight ahead,

You're in the labyrinth.]

I owe you an explanation.

2008-08-12T00:40:00.003-05:00

Basically, the reason the fanfic's on hiatus is something I don't really want to talk about. It isn't anything SUPER MAJOR OMG MY FAMILY IS FALLING APART AND I'M TURNING EMO, just something that happened that isn't allowing me to feel so great, nor creative. I've been in worse places than I am right now, but where I am puts me in a bad mood, which is not the mood to write and get even angrier and more disappointed with myself. To absolutely anyone reading this: I am not going to tell you what happened, so don't bother asking. It isn't important, what's important is where it put me.

So I guess that's the semblance of an explanation any of you fanfic readers are going to get. I do feel bad for this, because I know I get disappointed when the authors of any fanfics I'm reading decide to take a break or just give up on the story, and I don't like making people disappointed, but at the same time, it's kind of a relief for me. It was getting harder and harder for me to write it and I had the constant nagging feeling that the quality was suffering significantly, and I still think it does. I can't get the words out of me properly anymore, even though I have the thought and I know what I want to say. It was really getting to be disappointing for me, that I just cannot write as good as I would like to, and in that sense, it felt like I was kind of letting everyone reading it and myself down.

Maybe after this break, the quality will go up and life will be going better for me. I hope so at least. I hope I'll be able to have another chapter written by the first week of September. I do like writing, I do still like this story I've started and where it's going, and I'm not going to give up on it. But since this thing happened, I just can't think enough to write right now. *sighs* I hope you understand what I'm saying.

Currently Listening: Let You Down by Three Days Grace

I will let you down,

I'll let you down, I'll...

When you finally trust me,

Finally believe in me.

2008-08-10T00:49:00.002-05:00

Everything is on hiatus.

Good-bye.

Currently Listening: Tomorrow by Sixx:A.M.

Nothing's gonna last forever,

And things can change like the weather.

They're gone in the blink of an eye.

Fanfiction blues

2008-08-06T20:01:00.006-05:00

I fail at writing. I'll try to have it up by the end of the week, but I'm seriously NOT in the mood to write right now. Sorry :/
I've actually been thinking of just putting it on hiatus for now, but I guess we'll see.

And I've just been such a fucking idiot lately. I mean seriously. I've taken to stammering as I speak. Like wtf? I only ever used to stammer when I was reading aloud. My skill at the art of conversation has pretty much disappeared entirely and I keep doing things that just make me feel bad. ARG. I'm so tired of being like this, and tired of trying not to be. Just tired. Wish I could give up. *sighs*.

Currently Listening: Love and Trust by Our Lady Peace

Will you break my fall when I climb too high?

I always lose my nerve, it happens every time.

Will you bring me home when I'm barely alive?

It's the state of love and trust.

This is for you.

This is for us.

Hidden inside ourselves...is the fangirl waiting to be let out.

2008-08-04T02:52:00.006-05:00

Oh yay!

I've opened up Word again and am going to try my hand at ANOTHER Nightwish fanfic. A fluffy one though ^.^. Not like OMG I'M BEING RAPED BY FLUFF, but like awww. hahaha. And also omg icons icons icons. I got uber inspired tonight! I'm also trying to find some lyrics in my library that could represent Marco, Emppu and Jukka. I think I have some for Jukka. Anette's is done already, obviously, hence the wallpaper I made with said lyrics. I've got what I'll probably use for Tuomas'. Wallpapers are fun to make, hopefully one day I'll actually be good at it. Jacoby's got one coming up too. Because I wuv him so.

And I'm totally an Oomph! fangirl haaaaaah. Well, I'm not as obsessed with them as I was with Nightwish when I first heard of them (that was an obsession that grew quite rapidly following my introduction to Amaranth), but it's there and they make me happy. I'm deffers ordering their new album when it comes out. And while we're talking about them, some very nice and awesome person subbed their video for Beim Ersten Mal Tut's Immer Weh in English. Which adds a completely different perspective, for me at any rate :p. It's awesomesauce though. Epic amounts of awesomesauce.

And now to see if my muse can get something out despite the fact that it's 3 in the morning.

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. I watched the videos of Nightwish at Wacken and OH GOD IT IS SO AWESOME *dies*. *will continue on about this tomorrow on LJ*.

Ta!

Currently Listening: Lovehatetragedy by Papa Roach

Human behaviour, peculiar it seems.

Some thrive on hate and some love and dream.

Everyone's got a purpose and wants to be loved.

I think I found my purpose, I think I found love

Hidden inside myself.

squeefest!

2008-08-02T00:23:00.003-05:00

THIS IS HAPPY-MAKING!

I'm SO going to see it when it comes out. I've really missed the good ol' fashioned animation movies *sadface*.

THANK YOU DISNEY!! *bows and worships* A real cartoon and it isn't even a sequel!

Sorry. Anyways, I am working on further backgrounds and junk, though I think I should probably just start writing the fanfic again. I'm working tomorrow (ugh), but I have Sunday 'til Friday off, so that's pretty nice.

Currently Listening: Just Like You by Three Days Grace

You thought you were there to guide me,

You were only in my way.

You're wrong if you think that I'll be

Just like you.

And also I'm a walking mosquito bite.

2008-08-01T00:53:00.004-05:00

I got back from the lake today. Yes, I said I didn't want to go out there, and I didn't want to, but my dad and Aiden are leaving on Sunday and this would have been the last time I got to see them. And now I'm all sunburnt because my pale, pale skin cannot handle large amounts of exposure to the sun. I could go on about the things that happened there, but what's the point? You'll just be bored anyway.

I haven't written a single line of the next chapter of fanfic, lol. I started to write it and then thought to meself, "Ugh. This sucks." So I erased it and have been thinking it through and mulling it over. How to make this that and the other thing convey as I want it to and all that. We'll see. Maybe I'll get a giant burst of inspiration and just spew out the rest of the fic in top-notch quality. Hah. Like that could ever happen.

Now, to occupy you with an interesting dream I had the other night. Totally random, and one in which there are musicians, but no Nightwish. Which is odd, really, if you think about the fact that I'm completely obsessed with them and not nearly as much so with any of the other musicians that turn up. But anyways. I sometimes have these really, really vivid dreams that I can remember in exact detail, and this was one of them.

Shanel, Jessica and I were at some big music festival. We were sitting at this picnic table and there was no one else around us, because everyone was watching whatever band was performing, except this one other person who was leaning against the fence with her back to us. Jessica says, "Oh, hey, isn't that Kelly Clarkson?" and I'm like, "OMG! It is!" and I guess Kelly heard her name because she walked over to us and I said, "Hey Kelly, when does your next album come out?" and she said, "Oh, soon." Then Jessica says, "What was her first single again?" and I said, "Miss Independent." Kelly interrupts and says, "Yeah, the new album's gonna be a lot like that!" Then Nikki Sixx walks up to us and says, "Hey, I could show you around." So we follow him. Well actually, I walk beside him and Shanel and Jessica are behind us. I tell him how much I love Sixx:A.M. and I ask him if they're going to make another album. He says, "No." and then leads us into this big white tent and down a staircase, which leads to some place where there's a bunch of stacked crates. In the middle of the floor is this tiny little stage and Sixx:A.M. is playing (somehow Nikki moved from beside me to playing his bass). Then these gangsters come running into the room with their AK 47s and whatnot and they're like, "Everybody get down! GET DOWN!" and people start freaking out. So I duck behind these boxes, and Shanel's beside me on one sied, and then Sixx:A.M. morphs into Shinedown who are playing and James Michael is crouched down beside me. He says, "We have to get out of here" as though I didn't know that, and then starts running towards another doorway. Shanel follows him, and me too, but then I turn around and start yelling, "Wait! I have to find Aiden! I can't leave without Aiden!" and I'm completely hysterical, crying my eyes out and running back into the room where the thugs are still marching around with their guns and everyone else is crouched down with their hands over their heads. Shanel grabs me by the arm and says, "Aiden will be fine! We have to go!" and drags me into the other room. We jump into this hole kind thing that was dug under some crates, and James is there, and then he's like, "I know a way out." So he leads us to this other staircase and we climb up it and find Jacoby Shaddix leading a group of SWAT guys down to deal with the gangsters. And that was that.

It was totally weird though, lol.

And the thing is that I would totally die for Aiden. Even if sometimes I resent the fact that because of him, Holly and my dad don't care as much about me, and even if he drives me absolutely insane sometimes, I love that kid to bits and I'd do anything to keep him safe. If anything were ever to happen to him, I don't know what I'd do. I'd probably just die, seriously.

It was the most heart-warming thing ever to get to the lake and have Aiden come running down the lawn, yelling, "Nika!" to give me a hug.

But enough about me.

Currently Listening: The Addict by Papa Roach

I've got a pocket full of pills

And I'm looking for a cheap thrill tonight.

Control me, console me.

I've got a disaster on my hands

'Cause I'm living like a criminal tonight.

Control me, console me.

Yay work.

2008-07-28T22:51:00.005-05:00

I have now worked 3 shifts and a total of 20 hours at Dollarama. You guys, the job is so boring, I cannot express. I've only been up to till once, which was more interesting and made the time pass faster, but otherwise, I just walk around the store ALL FUCKING DAY and pick up stuff that the customers leave in the wrong aisles, or break, or open. You wouldn't believe how much stuff Dollarama throws out in a day. Perfectly good items are in the garbage if the packaging is ripped. Today I got the "priviledge" of re-filling the cooler, which just about broke my back. I had to get these big-ass crates of Coke, Sprite, etc. off this huge pile in the back room and load them onto a trolley and then head over there and re-fill. Also difficult working around the customers. *sighs* This job is making me lose faith in humanity, honestly.

There were these two girls who were so obviously shoplifting when I was heading to the back room for break today (I mean, seriously. One girl's like, "I don't care if I get caught hahaha") but I was like, "Fuck it. I'm on my break and I'm not dealing with this shit." So I didn't and the girls managed to steal OMG CHOCOLATE. Which is no big deal and the employees do it all the time. But I never told you that, so shhh.

The people there are really cool though, and people just randomly start talking to me, so that makes me happy because I don't have to start the conversation. The keyholder this evening is super cool. The one on the weekend is also cool, but she's pregnant and therefore hormonal :p. I never want to work during the day though...those keyholders don't seem very nice :/.

Really though, you wouldn't think walking around all day would be so exhausting, but it really is. And my legs are absolutely killing me. Oh well, as far as first jobs go, this one's pretty cool. My co-workers are nice, the managers are cool, the job's easy, if redundant and boring, and fuck, even the till is easy. There's like three buttons you press. Yay for everything being a dollar! The only tough part about being a cashier is remembering the 2 for 1$ sales. But oh well. This Saturday should be interesting since I only know one of the other people working well enough. We'll see, I guess. It's a seven hour shift at that :/. Hopefully on Friday I'll get to practice at cash some more so that I can just do that on Saturday. Seriously though, my manager from this evening is so cool XD.

Oh yes, I'm attempting to make a wallpaper in Photoshop. It's not going so well lol. Also, keep your eyes peeled for some video links in the near future as I'm making some more tribute vids. Icons have now increased in number and I'm off to write more fanfic!

Currently Listening: Another Brick in Hadrian's Wall by Hans Zimmer (King Arthur Soundtrack)

[Instrumental]

Batman = coolest superhero ever.

2008-07-26T01:17:00.001-05:00

HOLY FUCK.

The Dark Knight = totally awesome!

Batman is the awesomest most kick-ass superhero EVAR.

Go see the movie NOW if you haven't already...got it?!

Ah happy endings.

2008-07-24T14:59:00.005-05:00

Okay.

So I called dear darling Dollarama, and I've got my first hours for this weekend! This will piss my dad off since there's some gay family reunion at the lake. But alas and alack there's nought to be done. I wasn't going to refuse hours. And besides, I wouldn't have enjoyed myself at the faimly reunion. I always get the feeling that they don't actually consider me part of the family, and tbh I don't really consider myself to be either. I don't know them...at all. Even when I was a kid, I barely spent any time over there, except at Memère's, and I hadn't gone there for like five years before she died. And I haven't been back for two years until now. It's weird and annoying and the only person that actually talks to me is Collin. It's always about music and film stuff, which is cool. Those are interests we share.

So I just thought I'd share. All's well that ends well and all that. I'll have 14 hours in two days, so I'm off to a good start (hour-wise. Watch as I die because of just the working in general). Since, you know, if I get 30 hours a week, I'll have pretty much all the money I need by the end of this month (possibly short a couple hundred which my mom could front me).

I have in my head a lovely idea for a fanfic. Let me see if my twisted mind can get it to sound good. I don't know if it's obvious when reading (I really think it is though) my other fanfic, that I'm really not all bursting to the seams with creativity for that particular one anymore, but that is the case. Just for if you were wondering why it's not very good any longer. I'll try and up the quality, but I make no guarantees.

So, I am a stastics nerd. We have gone over this a couple times, right? That's why I have that flag counter thing. Not because I'm some creeper, lol, I just get curious. This is also why I so enjoy last.fm and the stats page on my fanfic and doing random comparisons in Myspace friend counts and what-have-you (that'll be familiar to anyone who has me on Facebook). This is why I get tripped out when there's like 70 views on my fanfic in one day, because I notice it generally sits at the 20-30 mark, and sometimes there's this huge burst where (the highest day) it goes up to 83, or 78 like the other day, or 54. You know what I mean though. And the stats page (this is why I love it) tells you what people searched for to find the fic, or what link they clicked to get here. Because as great as the flag counter is (seriously, super interesting), it doesn't say where you came from or how you found this, and you know curiosity and all that. So anyways, I was looking at the stats page on my fanfic today and noticed that there were 11 clicks from this here blog. So I came here and saw that many more Canadians had visited here. Where in the world did you all come from? Or are you all the same person? I know Shanel visited here this morning (technical morning), but she doesn't read my fanfic anymore, so it wasn't her that clicked the link.

I know that'll be a mystery that goes unsolved, I'm just musing is all.

I'm trying to reduce my use of caps. I noticed I do that a lot. Is that annoying? I don't know. It doesn't bother me, but it might bother others.

One last thing: can people please stop sending me forwarded e-mails?! Jesus. I hate them. I don't even read them. I just delete them as soon as I see that they were forwarded. If you want me to read it, then you have to erase that, and make sure the title isn't something like "If you don't send this back, I know you're not my friend" bullshit. I hate those things. Or those ones where if you don't forward to people, you'll die. Or the stupid idiotic ones saying we're going to have to pay for MSN. Thankfully I haven't gotten the MSN one yet this year. I guess my message finally got through when I forwarded that with my own message last year, didn't it? That I don't want those and they're a hoax. Honestly.

Random news of the day: The A letter on my keyboard is completely worn off, and the SNME and T letters aren't far behind. Particularly the S. It amuses me.

And yes, I'm listening to my 570 song playlist again.

By the way, is that Twitter widget messed up for everyone or just me?? O.o

Currently Listening: Decompression Period by Papa Roach

Here today, gone today.

Hurry up and wait.

I'm never there for you or me,

Can't you read the story of our lives?

Mildly (or not so mildly) annoying.

2008-07-23T12:46:00.004-05:00

WOW.

WHAT THE FUCK.

So I was going pee (as people tend to do, you know) and the phone rings. I figure that whoever is calling will leave a message. WELL. Dollarama called. They didn't leave a message. WHAT THE FUCK. So they better call back (oh, please call back?) to give me my hours. SOMETIME WHEN I'M NOT IN THE BATHROOM KTHXBYE.

*big dramatic sigh* Not having any luck with that place.

Finishing up the chap, should be there shortly.

I have to clean my room today. Ugh. That's a project and a half.

Currently Listening: Done With You by Papa Roach

You've made my life completely miserable.

You drove the edge, you've caused me all this pain,

But I always loved you 'cause you're "oh-so-special".

I'm broken and I'm alone, and I cannot maintain.

Now I care for dead gardens more Nightwishness

2008-07-22T16:14:00.004-05:00

There is DEFINITELY going to be a fanfic update tomorrow. I've already reached the amount of words I always try my best to reach and the chapter still isn't done. This chapter could be interpreted as having Tuomas/Anette vibes.The chapter after this (I don't know if it will be up by the end of this week, but it might) has some slight Jukka/Anette overtones. It isn't ever going to turn into a romance fic. I am going to make a note of this on the fanfic tomorrow as well.

So I was going through some pictures. And of course "some pictures" also includes the pictures from the Nightwish concert.
This picture just makes me so unbelievably happy (aside from my fugly arm blocking Tuomas).

Just look at how happy she is! Do you UNDERSTAND how awesome that concert was? I wish, I just wish wish wish that they had played She is my Sin, Sacrament of Wilderness or Sleeping Sun. They started playing Sleeping Sun only a few shows after this one. OH WELL. I got to see Come Cover Me and Dead to the World, so I should just be happy with that. And she had absolutely every reason to look SO INSANELY HAPPY, because it was too good to be true, I swear to god. Even Marco and Tuomas seemed surprised and delighted with how STUNNINGLY AWESOME she did at the end of Come Cover Me. The ballots are in, the tally's been counted, and the final result is: ANETTE KICKS YOUR ASS.

haha.

Seriously though, I just love that picture. It's so happy-making.

(5:21 PM) Sha says:
"Shanelly, when you said that Anette winked at us, did you mean US?! O.o Because that would be way too awesome for words. WAYYY too awesome." <--for the thosandth time yes Haha

"the thousandth time" she says, when she told me all of twice. BUT OMGGGGG!!! ANETTE WINKED AT US (it was probably just Shanel, actually)! EMPPU WINKED AT ME! MARCO GAVE ME METALHORNS! ANETTE PUT HER HAND ON MY FACE!

*dies*

I have been listening to the same 44 songs for like 3 days. But I'm happy with it.

While I'm here and you're here (if you're still here), go and check out Oomph!'s new single Beim ersten Mal tut's immer weh. The video is insanely brutal (but I'm totally going to watch the uncensored version when the release it on their Labyrinth game...and somehow find out what the fuck they're typing) for a music video. I mean, she cuts off the perv dude's TESTICLES. That's preeeeetttty damn sick. And also something you would never, ever, ever see in any North American bands' videos. So...RESPECT! to the Europeans for being ballsy.

I keep getting Beim ersten Mal tut's immer weh stuck in my head, and if it isn't that, then it's one of Papa Roach's new songs. OH GOD! Their new album is going to be soooooo good. I want it NOW. But I must be patient.

This time next year, I'm going to be graduated O.O. That is a SCARY thought.

Currently Listening: Dead Gardens by Nightwish

The story behind the painting I drew

Is already told.

No more tearstains on the pages of my diary.

Tired, but unable to give up

Since I'm responsible for the lives I saved.

The play is done.

The curtain's down.

The internet is a giant and scary place.

2008-07-21T00:35:00.003-05:00

YOU GUYS.

EW.

YOU GUYS.

OMFG.

The internet is a horrible big place and you never know what the fuck you're going to find. I'm now profoundly disturbed and a bit freaked out, I admit. Okay, here's the story. I was sitting doing a bit of research for my fanfic and you wouldn't believe what I found...honestly. I can't believe this shit is just out there for public viewing. And I mean I found Anette's address O.O. Seriously, and a bunch of other random info. It wasn't some random Anette fansite or anything to do with Nightwish at all. It was like some Swedish newspaper thing and it listed a bunch of people in the municipality and info about them too, and I cannot be the only person who finds that incredibly creepy? Seriously, think about this. These are completely random people who probably have no fucking clue that their address and shit is on the internet for any creeper to find. It's just like that Canada411 website, where you can type in someone's name and get their address (assuming their phone number is listed - it is an official website after all). But then this leads the question of what other websites might have mine or my family's info on it? Anyways, I found it pretty freaky that her address is like RIGHT there if you search up the right words (and I'm not telling you what I searched for). That's pretty much an invitation for stalkers and creepers. I wonder if she or her (ex?)husband are even aware of it being there. I doubt it. I still don't understand WHY this website has this on there, since like I said, it's like a newspaper website, but I'm hoping I misunderstood. After all, Google automatic translation isn't always reliable O.O. Still. Wow. It seems pretty right and consistent with what very little Anette herself has said about where she lives. Man, she should do something about that. It's totally disturbing. Who knows what people could do with that information? I can't be the only one disturbed by this, can I? Because that just seems profoundly WRONG, especially since she's taking such measures to ensure the safety of her family. I feel bad for her, really, I do. I wouldn't ever be able to handle be famous. At least she's not as famous as those ICONS we all know of, like you know, Britney Spears or Brad Pitt or anything.

Enough of that though (IT'S FUCKING FREAKY). Go look at my DeviantArt page for my portrait drawings (I'm adding a link to the sidebar) if you're interested.

This fanfic chapter is just flying right by. Maybe we'll even have two updates this week :D.
And also, I've become totally enamored with the idea of a Jukka/Anette pairing. *is totally gonna write a fanfic for that*

Currently Listening: Time by Chantal Kreviazuk

Time, where did you go?

Why did you leave me here alone?

Wait, don't go so fast.

I'm missing the moments as they pass.

BLARGLEHAPPY

2008-07-19T17:43:00.006-05:00

I. AM. HOME.

Thank god.

Anyways, I have to touch up my portrait a bit before I post a pic, since I noticed a few errors. I guess it's a question of if I'll even be ABLE to fix them. But we'll see.

Seriously, you have no idea how happy I am to be home.

And I'm having issues with Dollarama, i.e. THEY WON'T GIVE ME ANY FUCKING HOURS. So I'm looking into other jobs now, and turns out I have some family connections after all, and may get a job with the Downtown Biz, who goes around painting over grafitti or something? I'm not sure, but apparently they're likely to pay better and give me hours BEFORE the end of fucking July.

AND good news! West Jet has a sale going on now, which will reduce my air fare from ~$800 to ~$530 after taxes! The sale ends on the 23rd, though, so I have to convince my mom to front me the money and also that it's cool to miss three extra days of school (the sale's only effective for flights leaving on Monday, Tuesday or Wednsday) and then I'll just transfer all my paychecks to her until it's paid off. I tried getting my dad to, but he said he can't because he has no money. And there's a tiny problem of my dad likely being in Regina for RCMP training in September. This means I have to talk to Holly (who I would rather go with anyway) and ask her if she could get off work for the 8th and 9th and maybe 10th and go to Seattle with me. Since Granny Jo will be up there to take care of Aiden for those few days. I can't talk to her now though, since she's out in a ship in the middle of nowhere (somewhere by Alaska, haha) for her work and she'll be there for some time, I gather. It's ridiculous and there's a lot of variables, but this is really looking like it's going to happen. I have to look up a few more prices, for the Clipper and stuff, and then we'll see where we're at. I also need to ask Joe if he's going, because if he is, I could buy him his concert ticket, since I need to buy two so my mom knows I'm not going alone. I hate overprotective parents. It's annoying. But anyways.

Yay I'm writing the next fanfic chapter now. It's a bit of a different view. I mean, no it isn't. But we're talking new characters being added, and another subplot. Hope it turns out okay. Hope this whole damn thing works out. THE END IS IN SIGHT! I don't know what in the world I'm going to do once I'm done. Probably start another haha. We'll see. I actually find this one more fun to write because it ISN'T fluff-happy. Those are fun to write (but more to read) too, but I don't know...they seem so superficial or something. You don't get a sense of the characters in them. You know?

So I bought The Birthday Massacre - Walking With Strangers and Shinedown - Sound of Madness. The girl at HMV was really friendly. I took an immediate liking to her, but that's probably the last time I'll ever see her :p. I'm always so surprised when I encounter someone nice working somewhere. I totally wish I'd gotten a job at HMV *pouts*. Anyways, and now there's Angels Fall First AND Apocalyptica's Worlds Collide there with the 2 for $25 sale, and I WANT THEM SO BAD. But I can't afford it! I can't afford anything! *wails* Maybe I'll secretly keep part of my paychecks to myself, while giving the majority to my mother to pay off this Seattle stuff. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan heh.

I'm going to start meetings with my parents' financial advisor soon, and he'll help me work out plans for university and moving away and stuff. Hopefully he can help.

OMG PROACH'S NEW ALBUM IS GOING TO BE RELEASED AUGUST 26th!!

Currently Listening: Stop Looking/Start Seeing by Papa Roach

Hit or miss, fuck or fight,

It's time to live your life.

Go ahead, I know I'm right,

I'm gonna lay it on the line.

Put yourself in my shoes,

Would you stand up for your rights?

Line 'em up, and knock 'em down,

I'm not running scared tonight.

koorikooroo

2008-07-17T23:40:00.008-05:00

I FINISHED MY NIGHTWISH PORTRAIT!

You will get a scan of it in a couple days once my parents are home with the new scanner.

With this done, I'm going to do Raine Maida next, and then I want to do full-page portraits of each individual in Nightwish ^.^

I love this band so much, it's unhealthy. But I could never be one of those people who like...chases the band around town or whatever. I know that would be creepy for them, and I would feel like I was invading their space and privacy, which I don't like to do. That's pretty much the same reason I didn't bother Papa Roach in February 2007 when I saw them. It's like completley drilled into me - don't invade others' space.

So I was reading this article about Nightwish, and it made me sad :(. Because they were talking about obsessive fans and stuff, and how it bothered them, and then Anette kept talking about how she's thought sometimes she just wanted to throw in the towel and quit and stuff. The reason this bothers me is because I've have harboured doubts that "new era" Nightwish will make it. I keep getting this weird feeling that Anette's going to quit, and whenever I think that, I get sad, because I really, really don't want them to break up. I don't think a band has ever meant as much to me as Nightwish does. Yes, not even Papa Roach. PRoach can't make me cry. In fact, I'm pretty sure Nightwish is the only band whose music can make me cry on a regular basis. OH wait, not true. After Memere died, the Our Lady Peace songs "Picture" and "Are You Sad?" could always reduce me to tears. Though I had just lost a person who played a key role in my childhood, so I was a bit oversensitive. But I mean, Nightwish is the only band that can make me cry now, when nothing's going wrong or anything. It's not a bad thing, either, by any means. Sometimes I keep things in too much and I need to let it out.

But anyways, I am desperately hoping that Nightwish doesn't split up until they're too old to rock out anymore. I'm also hoping that I'll still love them by that point.

OMG I figured out what I want as a tattoo! So we'll see if I still want the same thing in a year, and then if I do, I'll get it. Why the hell not, right? It's not anything Nightwish either, so don't even go thinking I'd be so dumb as that. If I ever want it removed then I could just go and get it taken off.

And well, I guess I'm done here for today. Back home on Saturday, to pick up my writing again ^.^.

Currently Listening: A Story About a Girl by Our Lady Peace

Are you waking up slowly?

You're nothing but lonely.

Are you waking up holding,

Holding your breath?

And are you looking for something?

I promised you one thing:

I promise I'll always, always be there.

Blahhhh blah blah

2008-07-11T22:45:00.005-05:00

Sorry, I know I'm a vile person for not keeping my promise. I got tired and fed up because nothing was coming out how I wanted to, so I went and started drawing instead. I am 2/5 of the way done my portrait :p.

So I posted the next chapter just now. Re-writing the following and I'll post that up if it's done before I'm too tired to keep writing. And if it isn't, then I broke my promise and should probably go and harm myself in some way to repent. Or just apologize. We'll see.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets this, but you know when you listen to a song, and this one verse or the chorus or something just really stands out and you can picture exactly in your mind who you would dedicate it to? That keeps happening to me. Is that good? Or bad?

So, with that, I'll see you in a week or so!

Currently Listening: Boy by Our Lady Peace

Just when you think you're done,

The war can never be won.

I'll be there to pick you up,

And dust you off,

And bring you home,

And make you feel alive.

EDIT: HA! SUCCESS! Enjoy the shitty chapter, because it is shit shit shit. I am very disappointed with myself.

YAY!

2008-07-11T15:37:00.002-05:00

I GOT THE JOB! XD XD XD

The interview was really not hard at all, and the lady was really friendly and she just called now (about 4 hours following the interview) and told me that she was going to hire me!

SQUEE! So I'm hoping for full-time during the summer, as that was what I told her, but we'll see. Part-time is awesome too. She's going to give me some hours on Monday.

OMFG I AM SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED!

I will be around far less now *nods*

This was way too much fun. But also a little creepy.

2008-07-11T00:44:00.007-05:00

Wow oh wow. Grabbed this site from somebody's LJ. And then proceeded to pair Anette and Tarja with various other people to see what their kids would look like. Well, I paired me with people first, but because of my glasses, it looked like all the kids were really, really tired with bags under their eyes :p. And plus it was SUPER CREEPY. Like mine and Emppu's baby was just O.O. A freak. Poor kid would have gotten way picked on in school. Man and mine and Jacoby's kid looks like a mutant O.o. NO I WILL NOT SHOW YOU MY FUTURE MUTANT CHILD.

The problem is virtually NO pictures of me exist without glasses (because I look horrible when I'm not wearing them) with the exception of one lonely picture from like four years ago (oh god, I look so unbelievably young in it...still blonde) that's a profile shot so you can't see my face.
Anyways, here is my kid with Raine.

*wanders off to pair up Shanel, Chantal, Sarah and Jessica with random celebs saved in My Pictures*

Currently Listening: Revenge by Papa Roach

Remember the girl abused with forks, knives and razorblades?

She finally left him, had enough of her man's rage.

Band-aids covered her scars, she left him bloodied.

Beat his ass with a bat. Face sunk in like silly putty.

This song is so completely kick ass. You know, I found this out long after I got Infest, but it's a continuation from one of their previous underground songs called Liquid Diet, in which Coby tells us (what I would assume to be, since I think he said it was once) the true story about this guy who beats on his wife with *points up to the quote she used* forks, knives and razorblades. So then they made this song, which isn't a true story, but I guess kind of a "what could have happened" thing, where she kills him and then is on the run. But the best part of the song is definitely the chorus. "It's alright, we're in love. Can't live with or without."

Infest is really an awesome album. I remember when I got Janice to finally start listening to some of their old stuff, and she said she wouldn't be able to stand the rapping, but when she heard Between Angels and Insects, and liked the message behind it, she found that over time, you don't even realize he's rapping. It's true, because you listen to the lyrics and you attach yourself to the lyrics and not necessarily how they're sung. Funny thing is when I first got the album, the only song I couldn't stand was one of the two (though one of those two is admittedly a hidden track) completely non-rap songs. I love it now though, but at the time I didn't.

Oh you totally gotta check out Binge by PRoach. Awesome song. Awesome.

Hiya!

2008-07-10T15:16:00.005-05:00

I attempted to write more fanfic.

IT TURNED OUT LIKE POO.

So I erased it and am starting again. Look for it tomorrow night, but I might put it up tonight if I get a huge burst of inspiration.

By the way, I have done research regarding police line-ups (consisting of like...three websites + CSI haha), so I'm writing it the best I can. Well it isn't like you actually see it from Anette's perspective anyway. But regarding the rules and whatnot. GAH! You'll see what I mean when you read it.

So I have an interview at Dollarama for tomorrow morning O.O. I'm going to try not to hyperventilate or go into a nervous fit. PLEASE LET ME GET THIS JOB PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. If I get it, and if I get full-time, I will still be able to go see Nightwish. And plus, if I have most of the money, I'm willing to bet that my dad will pay any amount missing so long as I pay him back (which I would of course do. I'm honest like that).

Also, I was thinking last night about one of Paige's comments from the undergrad awards, when she said that I could be really forward and outgoing, and that it all emerged in about Germany. I honestly didn't think I was any more outgoing than usual in Europe. But then it occured to me that Paige never knew me before the Europe trip. In fact, she likely completely overlooked me, which is fine and exactly what I aim for. I guess it's probable that even to Chantal I wasn't anything more than myself, because Chantal (along with Shanel, Jessica, Sarah and a few others) has seen me in hyperspazzy state, and also probably at my craziest. She's also seen me in likely one of my bitchiest states. But Paige hasn't seen that side of me at all. The most she saw of me was in Lit class, after all, where I never spoke up (I never do in any class if I can help it) and only really talked to Tina and Ally. And Angie. And of course one can't be too hyperspazzy in class.

So I guess this just really showed me that I am a completely different person when I'm around people I know. I never really thought about it before, but I guess it's true. And also probably why people are so damn surprised when they happen to witness one of these occurrences.

Oh man, if I do get to see Nightwish this fall, I'm totally taking videos this time. And pictures, of course. Sorry, thoughts of possibly going to that concert sometimes filter in randomly.

I went to see the dental specialist today about my wisdom teeth. I'm getting them pulled on August 29th. I'm doing the anesthetic thing. He said it won't really be that I'm asleep, I just won't remember anything. He also said I probably won't get sick, which is good. And that I'd be able to eat normal food after about three days. I'm still totally freaked out, since I really don't want to get them pulled and I wish I didn't have to. Why oh why did I have to get my dad's jaw? *sighs*

Learned how to play Phantom of the Opera, so that makes me happy! And my mom bought me a bunch of art supplies. My project for the week her and Dallas are gone and I'm staying with my dad & co. is a Nightwish portrait. I am going to put everything into this one, for real. After that, I'm doing a portrait of Raine Maida by request.

OH! One last thing! Opeth is coming to Winnipeg, and Jeanette wants to go with me! So if the tickets aren't too expensive, I'll for sure go! I don't know them too well, but what I've heard, I've liked, plus the concert's at the Garrick and so therefore at the best venue this city has to offer. Plus you can't go to a concert and not enjoy yourself.

Haha someone on Youtube was saying that when Nightwish comes backs, it's probable that they'll go to the MTS Centre. First of all, they sure as hell better not go to there since it sucks. Second of all, they barely sold out under 800 seats, and the smallest concert size at the MTS Centre is 2500. Considering bands have to pay taxes (supposedly extra high in Winnipeg) on every seat they don't sell, I find it highly highly doubtful they'll ever go there. Which is excellent news. It's so much nicer to have them at an intimate venue anyway, you know? At the MTS Centre, Anette wouldn't be able to reach down in the middle of a song and shake hands, and Emppu wouldn't be able to hold his guitar out for people to strum.

AND OMG EMPPU WINKED AT ME! *dies* ME! IT WAS ME! Ahhhh!

Sometimes that happens too, where I'll just randomly have a memory from the concert pop up and get super happy.

Shanelly, when you said that Anette winked at us, did you mean US?! O.o Because that would be way too awesome for words. WAYYY too awesome.

And as I leave, I watched the Rock Werchter Nightwish performance and I almost melted when I heard Anette's French. SOOOO ADORABLE. And Sleeping Sun is so stupendous...shivers up the spine, man.

Currently Listening: Happy Birthday by The Birthday Massacre

I think my friend said,

"Don't forget the video."

I think my friend said,

"Don't forget to smile."

"You're a murder tramp, murder tramp,"

I think he said.

"You're a murder boy, birthday boy,"

I think I said.

Perhaps you might care?

2008-07-08T15:23:00.002-05:00

Hey guys. News.

I'm leaving on Saturday and will be gone for a week+. So to make up for the lack of fanfic updates lately and the fact that I won't be here next week, the next time I update, I will be posting TWO chapters. So don't forget to scroll down a bit more. I don't know when they'll be posted, but before Saturday, obviously.

This is my brain at 4 AM. (Not the Our Lady Peace song.)

2008-07-07T04:55:00.002-05:00

So...this is my 71st post. I will have a "surprise" for ya'll for my 100th post ^.^. But don't get your hopes up, because you'll probably be let down.

ANYWAYS.

Youtube Insight is one of THE most interesting things I have found lately. But I'm a statistics nerd. Seriously, you can see which countries your videos are popular in and how people discovered them, the age ranges of people viewing, how many males vs. females. And then you can break it down by country and see in that one country how people found your videos, and demographics, and if you go to the overview, you can see which of your videos got the most views in that country. Seriously, it distracted me for like an hour. Super interesting. I wish I could Insight other people's videos, that would be AWESOME. I have a few videos really popular in Finland you know *feels special*. And Sweden *feels specialer*. That would be Alyson Avenue and my Nightwish video, along with the one that's highest in every country, Black Eyed Peas feat. Papa Roach. In Italy, my What About Brian video actually is the most popular, though. Surprisingly.

So anyways, my videos are most popular in Canada (which kind of goes without saying - my friends view them, plus all the Canadian bands I have tend to attract a Canadian audience), followed by the States, Finland, Germany, the U.K., Italy, Hungary and some other country, but I can't remember which.

You know, I was just thinking about how I never think of Hungary, and I never thought about Switzerland either. It's just so small and...neutral. But then I went there and it's one of my brightest memories from the Europe trip. Everything seemed vivid and clean there, or at least where we went. Seriously, it was like the colours were brighter and the air was healthier or something. I've never seen a city so clean as Lucerne. It was absolutely wonderful. I really want to go back to Switzerland one day. Plus the people were really polite and friendly (except other tourists, naturally), and the only other place where the vast majority of people were friendly was London. Not all of them were.

Germany, Switzerland and the U.K. were the nicest countries. Though the German drivers scared me (not as much as the Italian ones). And everything was messed up in London, which was pretty freaky, just because it would be so easy to get hit crossing the street because you looked the wrong way. But you know you have a touristy city when you have to write on the street itself which way to look before crossing. Haha. You know, it's really weird. Most of my experiences in London were shitty (having to wait 4 hours at the train station because our bus was stuck in traffic, the hotel room with the leaky ceiling and the radiator on way too high, the roommates (except Chantal), getting lost for most of the afternoon), and yet it was my favourite city. I saw the HOTTEST guy in my LIFE there though. Maybe not in my life, but he was SO HOT OMG. Chantal might remember me almost melting into a puddle on the sidewalk. Haha.

So anyways, I want to travel Europe. Of course have a home somewhere, but I really want to hit as many countries as I can, and actually get a chance to SEE them and see different cities in them. I'm pretty much done with Italy, though I might go back to Florence because of the awesome marketplace thing and all the leather stuff. Should go to Milan too. I must go back to Germany and hit up Berlin and Hamburg at the very least. Definitely go for a proper visit to Frankfurt, and go to Munich again. Naturally Sweden, Finland and Norway all go without saying, and perhaps I could meet some long-lost Norwegian relatives, aha. I really want to go to Portugal and Spain, I have to go back to Switzerland and Austria. I could do without France. But really, going back anywhere over there would be absolutely great. On my own conditions and not having to leave every place after max 2 nights, sit on a bus much of the time, do all the touristy things and stay in a lot of really shitty hotels. And also have a decent amount of money. I'm pretty sure I had the least money of everyone there.

By the way, my dad really liked his knife. Said I was the first person to buy a knife for him. I don't think I mentioned this because it was a trivial thing considering the overpowering disappointment that was my birthday (which still has not stopped disappointing me). I got only two real presents of actual value to me around my birthday, which would be Children of Men and 30 Rock from Janice and House Season 3 + 30 bucks from my Grandma. Nana gave me some random amount of money, I think it was $38? Money's not as much fun to open and doesn't last as long though, as much as I appreciate it. My mom ordered me some books, which arrived the day after my birthday, but one of the books I'd already bought the day before with the $25 gift card my dad got me for Chapters (yes, that is ALL he got me. Some thought put into that). She also ordered me a Nightwish hoodie and Nightwish shirt, which arrived early this week. She says there's something else coming, but it's "obscure" and won't be here for another two weeks. She got me Zodiac, previously viewed, on my actual birthday though. Jeanette got me my eyebrow piercing last Saturday. I didn't get anything from my friends, except a card from Sarah (which I appreciated. Thank you, Sarah *grins*). Granny Jo just got me the usual random shit I'm not going to use. Since what she buys me is always a replica of what she buys all her other grandkids, despite the fact that I'm 9 years older than the oldest of the others.

I guess what disappoints me the most about my birthday is the fact that it didn't matter to anyone. Dad's family didn't remember. My dad got me a fucking $25 gift card which he likely picked up the day before. Luke and Regan didn't get me anything, didn't wish me a happy birthday either, even though they must have remembered. Considering their youngest is born the next day, and their second on the 18th. Plus my dad chose that day to make me feel like complete shit. It's just in such glaring contrast with what my birthday's been in the past, I guess. Even last year's. At least I felt like I mattered for a day last year. And this year I didn't.

Thank god I had my mp3 player, is all I have to say. Since I left. I just left the house and everyone who was there and walked for like an hour, and I didn't give a fuck that no one knew where I was. Because I'm sure they didn't even notice I was gone.

So enough of that. Can you tell that I just spew whatever pops into my head when it's 4 in the morning? You know, in Europe it's 11 in the morning.

I've been getting really bad insomnia these last few days, which kind of sucks, but it's fine since it's summer holidays. I just wish I could be inspired to write something. Anything. At all.

I'm just so damn apathetic.

Though I was super bummed that I missed the Rock Werchter livestream today. I KNEW that it would be on today, but then my mom informs me that we had to go out for supper, so I missed it. And so far it doesn't look like anyone recorded it, but someone, please tell me that someone did. Someone must have! I'm just too impatient. I really want to see that Nightwish show. My strong desire to see them again has grown epic amounts in the last little while. I think it may be because I've been feeling, like I said, apathetic, and down, glum and moody and bored all the fucking time, and I want something to matter. Nightwish always matters :). Even when they're one of the only things that does. Oo, them and that one Within Temptation song and that one Rammstein song. Yes, that's what matters right now. I HATE BEING IN THIS MOOD. HATE HATE HATE. MURDER STAB DIE.

Oh god, speaking of music, I was looking up Swedish bands last night, and I stumbled across Lillasyster. I don't like most of their stuff, there's a couple songs that caught my attention that I will download, but generally it's too screamy and not rhythmy enough for me, and the only band I like that consists primarily of screaming is Children of Bodom, and that's because it's the best angry music EVAR, and also has great melody. Sorry, my brain is doing that easily-distractable thing that it does at this hour of night. So anyway, you absolutely must check this out. I laughed so much. It's funny, don't you think? I like their version more (though that shouldn't come as a surprise, given my natural musical inclination). I have nothing against the original, it's nice too. I just prefer this one. It's still funny though, especially if you listen to their other, Swedish, stuff. I wonder if they did it as a joke or because they really enjoy the song. Haha, Swedish metallers who like that song so much so as to do a cover. Guys at that. I giggle.

Woah woah woah woah. You really want a laugh? Then click this link instead. I like the other version of the song I linked you to better, but this video is frickin' hilarious. I just just just discovered it. WHY HAVE I NOT LOOKED UP COVERS TO THIS SONG BEFORE? Ahh, the hilarity of it all.

That song is going to be in my head all week now though. Damn.

And also, it's nearing 5, so I should go.

Yes, it takes a long time for me to write a blog entry. Again, the easily-distactable mind. First I'm Photoshopping, then looking for brushes online, but since I'm online I figure I should go to Youtube, where I get all distracted by Insight, and then I'm like, "OMG I should write about this in one of my blogs!" so I do, and then I remember this song I wanted to tell people about, so I have to go on Youtube and find the link, which leads me to another link, which leads me to more Youtube. Youtube is an evil, evil, evil...something evil. It's like a drug.

I also started another portrait. Worked on it for three hours tonight, but there's something completely wrong and it's really bugging me and I can't pinpoint what it is. But anyways, I'll post a pic when it's done.

Currently Listening: Never Said It by Papa Roach

You can't ignore that he wants you.

He sat you down and he taught you,

And you obeyed every rule that he made

'Cause he bought you.

Now he owns you.

YES! I DOWNLOADED THIS SONG AGAIN! It's still just as awesome as I remember it. I cannot believe I forgot about it for so long, but it's easy to forget about bonus tracks that you don't have when all your songs in your library by that artist were ripped from your CDs, and you have all their CDs. I want to listen to it obsessively on repeat. It is THAT awesome. I don't do that with just any song you know, just Amaranth, Not Coming Home and Ohne Dich. And Never Said It, now. NYGAHHH *huggles it to tiny little pieces*.

Oh dude, and Papa Roach's Stone Temple Pilots cover of Sex Type Thing is amaaazing. Yes, I want what's on Jacoby's mind. *dies*

This is where we're at.

2008-07-05T16:36:00.002-05:00

I re-wrote the "About" page for my fanfic. Please go read it.

I also took the time to write a full plot summry, from beginning to end, of what has happened and will happen in the story. Up 'til now, I knew what I wanted to have happen in my head, but in writing, it's a lot more permanent. There will likely not be anymore asking for opinions on what you'd like to have happen in the plot. This is good too, because it means this won't be one of those interminable fanfics that one day the author gets sick of writing and lets it sit, unfinished, with all the loose ends hanging out.

I find it hard to believe that I've been writing it since January. That's the longest writing commitment I've had. Sadly, I'm running out of the will to write it, but we're past halfway done, and I'm sure I'll get that writing mood back again in the near future.

As for my other projects? Well I've still not started my Brian and Laura video, nor the video for Nancy. The other Nightwish fanfic I started is sitting there without inspiration. I've all but given up on my drawing tablet, I STILL don't have a job, and at this point I'm just going to apply at McDonald's. The Nightwish icons haven't gained in numbers since whenever I wrote that I last made some. There's 20 Anette, 8 Emppu and 3 Marco ones. I haven't even started the Jukka and Tuomas ones, nor the full group ones, and it's my intention to have a sizeable amount for each member.

Well, I DID make a font the other day, with my handwriting. I'll link it sometime when I can be bothered. It's really weird to use it, but cool. It took about four hours to finish haha.

Currently Listening: Stop Looking/Start Seeing by Papa Roach

I feel the walls are closing in,

And I feel I am in danger.

My enemy is not alone,

In the mirror there's a stranger.

As I tried to break out,

My panic led to fear.

Hopeless, I am alone,

I'm afraid the end is near.

The truth doesn't always have to hurt.

2008-07-05T03:21:00.002-05:00

To Whom it May Concern,

This has been something that has bothered me time and time again, and every single time, I just shove it back inside, but I guess I'll just finally let myself go on a rant about it.

Honestly, why must people generalize my entire generation? I'm 17, and now that you know that, you're probably not going to see any logic at all in anything I say, just because of my age. I'm going to say it anyway, though. I'm 17, and I know this might come as a shock, but I don't do drugs. Crazy, right? I haven't even tried pot, even though I've been pressured to. Also, I don't dress like a slut, and I don't have sex with just anyone. I've never vandalized anything, unless you include pencil drawings on desks as vandalism, and I do other things besides sit at my computer. I can attest the same thing for my entire circle of friends, as well. And I'd say I have some intellect too, despite the fact that I'm not so great at math. I'm really into literature though, so do I get points for that? I can't attest the same for my friends on that, though. Which is unfortunate but true. Maybe it would help, just a tad, if our English teachers knew how to use punctuation and grammar properly. Or hell, if they even TAUGHT grammar in school now, since we've never been given a true and proper lesson on it since grade 2. I don't know, it's just a thought. It could help them at least write comprehensible essays, at the very least.

I'd totally hate to burst your bubble, by the way, but people were having underage sex in every other generation too. I'm sure that the numbers have increased, but then again, so has the population. Things are just more out in the open now, because things change. I know that's hard to grasp, and god forbid that any younger generation be different than yours (which likely has its own seedy underbelly), but it has to be accepted. Complaining that we suck won't change the fact that we will be the generation in power soon, and taking care of you when you're old and decrepit.

Personally, I would love it if the world was rainbows and kitties everywhere, and my generation and the ones following didn't have such a bad reputation to those older generations, but nothing I say is going to change that. I know that. What I don't know is why I even bother saying anything at all. Just to be writing this is a pretty big step for me, since I'm insanely shy and have a very low self-esteem.

Besides, everything's on an individual level. It would be so easy for me just to say, "Oh yeah, the grade younger me are all bitches who spread rumours," since they have spread rumours about me. I know that it's only a select few who did though, and I don't have any real issues with the majority of them. Oh, and I only know of three people who have done the "hard drugs", and I go to a high school reputed to be one of the worst for druggies in the city. Not all of us start doing heroin and having sex as soon as we go into high school. On that same note, though, there are some who start having sex in elementary school.

All that having been said, upraising plays a part in it. Likely the reason that most of the people in my generation are so attached to technology is because it's been made accessible to us our entire lives. The first people to blame are those who created all this stuff to begin with, but I'm sure most of us would agree (adults, teenagers, teeny-boppers) that it's a very nice thing, to have the internet, cell phones, mp3 players, whatever-the-fuck else. The second people to blame are the parents who let it get to the point where it controls our lives. I have a major issue with little kids getting working cell phones, for example, but I have honestly seen 7 and 8 year olds with cell phones. I think it's safe to say that those kids didn't buy them on their own, right? And if the parents don't actually make their kid get out and do something with their life, chances are that they won't. If the parents don't raise their kids with good morals, chances are that the kid's going to get into trouble. Then again, it's a fine line to tread, for a parent. You don't want to be too slack, but if you're too strict then your kid is going to rebel and get into trouble just to worry you and piss you off. I get that, though I'm not a parent myself (you see, that's one of the lessons my parents taught me: being able to envision what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes). I get how hard it could be.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that some of us have lives outside of technology, can read and understand Shakespeare and other literature without explanation (and even enjoy it), don't do drugs, and don't have underage sex. Those are the kids you never really hear anything about unless you know them personally, which is probably why it is so easy to paint this entire generation with one brush. Literacy has gone down, it's a fact, but that doesn't mean that kids who are "dumb" aren't good. Every generation has issues, ours are just more known, I guess. At least I hope.

It's very probable that I'm naive though. Honestly, I'm not a preppy goody two-shoes, haha. I'm one of the ones who dresses all in black and manages not to be "emo", who sits in the back of the class, who gets called a "fucking weirdo" far more often than I'd like to admit. I guess they don't know how to react to the fact that I like stuff that's not "mainstream". But that's a rant for another time.

Sincerely,
A Fed-Up Teenager.

C/P-ed my post from LJ.
Thank you and goodnight.

Currently Listening: Hello Oskar by Our Lady Peace

He'll build a bridge then walk around.
Don't ever call him dumb.
He's not that bright,
He's not that bright.
He's just not himself.

I should really just call this my Nightwish blog, shouldn't I.

2008-07-01T14:06:00.000-05:00

WARNING! WARNING!

This is a long post.

With lots of Nightwishness and links.

Mentions of other great bands as well.

And generally a lot of rambling.

And a pretty big rant.

Happy Canada Day my dear Canadian friends!

Go and enjoy the fireworks and festivities on this joyous occasion where we celebrate our country! I'm going to Osbourne Village with Jeanette where we shall have muchos fun listening to some bands perform at the street festival and doing this and that.

Anyways, enough about that.

I have here for you some orgasmic live performances (by different bands, so no, they are not all Nightwish aha). These aren't in order of my preference, by the way.

Number 1
Number 2
Number 3

Number 4

Number 5

Number 6

Number 7 (this one just because of the lyrics at the beginning. Diiiiirty :D)

Also, I always laugh when I watch EoaE and they start playing Phantom of the Opera and there's that girl who just starts crying and continues to cry every time the camera catches her. I can understand being very happy that they play a song that you love, I might have been so happy I almost cried if they had played She is My Sin when they were in Winnipeg (and I did have a complete spaz when they played Dead to the World, no crying though), but honestly. Guess it was concert euphoria. And then it goes back to the same two girls later and that one girl is still all teary-eyed, but the blonde girl next to her is all like...having an orgasm. I always laugh there too. But in one of those videos I linked you to up there, there's a lot of orgasm-y faces in there (that might be because the song itself is just completely orgasmic and omg). I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't laugh, it just looks so ridiculous to me.

So I was watching an interview with Tarja (and I want to take this time to say that hers, Anette's, Tuomas' and all of them, their broken English is the most adorable thing EVAR. These cute little grammatical errors all over the place *heart melts*) and the interviewer asked her how she would feel if she were to play a festival that Nightwish were to play. And she says, "Woah, that'll be nice" which in itself, it's believable, the way she says it. But then she continues on to say, "I don't have anything against that, come on," and she sounds like she's totally faking the little laugh that follows and the smile and her voice is at this pitch and you can totally tell she's lying :p. That's a bit of an awkward question, but I've actually wondered the same thing. What WOULD they do if they were ever on the same festival bill? Would they go to huge measures to avoid each other? Or would they finally reconcile things at least a smidge, and let the ex-Nightwish singer and the current Nightwish singer meet? Since Anette's already stated that she would love to meet Tarja...

Actually I could totally picture the guys and Tarja avoiding each other at all costs and then Anette hunting Tarja down on her own, just to meet her. Haha that could totally be an interesting conversation. *resists the urge to make another little script scenario*

So anyway, the interviewer goes on to say that he interviewed Tuomas a few weeks before and he said he wouldn't comment on Tarja's new album, so was that a reciprocal agreement. And Tarja says they have no agreements blahblahblah. Her comment on the Nightwish album? "Exciting". lol. Says she listened to it a long time ago, has heard songs "in the radio" (again, the English *dies*), and that's it's "exciting". I always find it very interesting when an interviewer asks her about Nightwish stuff, because it seems to get a bit awkward, as it rightfully should. I read an interview an eon and a half ago with her and the interviewer asked her her thoughts on the new Nightwish singer. Tarja's reply was to laugh (and pound on the table, drawing odd looks from the people around them. I think that's what the author of the article wrote...) and say that she was the last person to ask that to.

I do wonder though. I also wonder whether they read each other's interviews/gig reviews. Damn it all, the things I'll never know.

What's a piss-off is that Tarja still seems quite adamant to stay the fuck away from North America. Oh okay, go down to South America, but you couldn't just come up North, just for a bit? Why does she refuse to hit this continent? Is it really so bad here? Is it really that different? Because I didn't find it too different from Europe, you know. Other than the fact that people are a bit more polite here, for some things. (Can't speak for the States, but Canada at least. Then again, we're apparently known for being overly polite...best not let anyone meet the backwoods Albertians, eh? And of course the fucker who shouted "Anette sucks" at the Montreal concert. Seriously, I totally want to kick that guy in the balls so hard he turns into a girl. But I bet he's Quebecois, and they're expected to be mean.)

Kidding, kidding, don't kill me, any Quebecois people.

So does anyone know what the fuck happened to Rammstein? No news for like...a year. Not that they're going into the studio, nor that they're touring, nothing.

But doesn't Till just have the fifth loveliest eyes in the world? The other four spots filled by Anette, Tuomas, Tarja and Jacoby, of course.

And I sent off two questions to Tuomas for this month's Nightmail. I have quite a few for Anette for next month, though, and many for Emppu when his turn comes as well. Had none for Jukka, haven't thought of any for Marco yet. But anyways, let's hope my questions get picked! But I doubt they will *sighs*.

Oh my, I just watched the Face Culture interview (though it is in many parts) from 2007 sometime with Anette, and I have reflected on the fact that it must be a Scandinavian women thing to talk so damn much hahaha. I mean, Tarja and Anette elaborate so damn much with their answers. Not saying it's a bad thing, because it can definitely be good, right? It's just amusing. And also "I've never copiated anyone" OMGGGG! So so so adorable *huggles her*. I do not for the life of me understand how some people totally loathe her. I can understand disliking her voice, but it isn't her fault Tarja got kicked out, nor that she was hired, nor the voice she was born with, and seriously she is the most likable musician EVAR (with the exception of Emppu, of course).

I also have this weird hunch that she is pregnant now. Just speculation based on some recent Youtube videos. We shall see, it's possible (probable even) that I'm way off-base with that.

So then I was watching this interview with Tuomas (the one mentioned in the Tarja interview above) (it's like I was just telling Chantal, I keep on feeding my Nightwish obsession. It's getting pretty bad at this point, though I know I'm far from the worst fan[atic]) and isn't he just so cute? He's all kinda shy-seeming, though that mention of "problems recently" worries me. NIGHTWISH CAN NEVER SPLIT UP! I say so and so it must be. Like what I say matters :p. Nah I'm sure they won't (*knocks on wood*), there's bound to be arguments when you spend so much time together. Oh my god, I would totally have gone on a homicidal rampage if I had to spend like 4 weeks+ on a crammed bus with the same people day in and day out. Oh and also, "I was browsing our site the other day." I wonder how often they check the forums. Because the hr3 radio thing wasn't announced on the main news page was it? Meaning that he read about it in what? The Dark Passion Play Tour Topic? Or the Nightwish in Media one? I can't remember where it was discussed. But whatever, it's just totally weird that they just lurk (says a lurker). I wonder if they've ever checked the Backstage Thread O.o. They would likely be severely disturbed by some of the stuff that goes on there. I know I am.

Pff and to think that before the existence of that thread, everyone called the Anetteholics and Emppuholics the worst on the board. The Backstage Thread is like over half filled with just Tuomasholics drooling over pictures of him. It's why I don't visit that thread even when I'm lurking. It gets pretty boring. Occasionally I'll check in and laugh, like today when I read the mod warnings. I laughed because as obsessed with this band as I may be, I know that I will never warrant a warning for any of my comments, likely because I'm far too shy to ever voice any, that and I don't really think that way about any of them. Sure, it's my opinion that Tuomas is very hot, and Jukka too, but I don't think they're as hot as Jacoby, and I don't make fangirly posts/comments/whatevers about Jacoby either. It's pointless and annoying. Write something with substance, wouldja? When I was really into Tuomas, I wrote that story about Holopainism a few months back that was posted here. That is more substance than "OMT HE IS SOOOO HOT! *drools* I TOTALLY WANT TO BE HIS SEX SLAVE LOLZ" over and over again after every damn pic that's posted. Because we didn't hear your opinion the first time.

Of course I'm prone to little outbursts of "EMPPU IS ADORABLE *melts*" and stuff, in my own personal blog mind you, but it's just so easy to be a hypocrite, haha. But really, I'm not too bad for the fangirlish outbursts, am I?

Sorry, I'm just writing as I think. I'm very bored.

Hmm, you see my Twitter widget, eh? That could be interesting, if I remember about it. It seems to make the page really slow though, so it's probable that it'll be removed. We'll see.

Also, angry sixteen-year-old Twilight fangirls make me laugh. By their sheer stupidity, as well as the fact that they can't balls up enough to NOT post anonymously. Because there's this Twilight parody that had me in absolute stitches (I've not read the book, don't really intend to, but I am going to see the movie, merely because Rachelle LeFevre is in it), and so this person goes on there and anonymously posts that it's omg so rude and blah blah. And then comes back (same IP apparently), again anonymous, states that they're sixteen and then gives absolutely everyone in my age group a bad name with their stupidity. Man. Seriously, don't post a comment defending your favourite book in a place where a bunch of haters are. It's like me going onto an anti-Anette site and saying, "omg, you guys are so mean, Anette's the greatest, obviously, because look at how much Dark Passion Play has sold. And you aren't entitled to have your own opinion, because this is a fact." Come on, I don't even think that. There will always be people who hate Anette and "new" Nightwish, who are going to slam her, because that's what you do to the things you don't like, just as there will always be a bunch of people who hate Twilight and think it's shit, and they will make fun of it. ACCEPT IT GODDAMMIT. You saying that you like it and that it was listed by the New York Times and whatever else isn't going to change anyone's mind, nor stop them from mocking it, just as telling rabid Tarjaholics over and over that DPP sold so much, so obviously Anette is a good singer and should be loved and respected, won't make them love her. At least all the Twilight-hating is pretty much consolidated in one place, but everywhere Nightwishy with many people, you're gonna find someone who hates Anette, even if it's a fangroup for her or something. I hate shit-disturbers.

So this leads me into another rant. These adults, who are so much better educated than us young and pathetic teenagers, are perfectly cool with acting just like a teenager. I admit, I thought some of the replies to the commenter were funny, and some deserved, but okay, why don't you generalize an entire age group based on this one person and maybe some other idiots you know that are the same age. For my part, I really do enjoy Macbeth, the actual play, and yes, I can understand it without any explanations. I've read a lot of classics; Pride & Prejudice, Moby Dick, Roots, To Kill a Mockingbird, so on and so forth, and I found them enjoyable (actually, I didn't like Moby Dick. Booooring). Also, it seems I know a fuck of a lot more about punctuation and grammar than a hell of a lot of adults, including English teachers. And yes, it's obvious that literacy and IQ has gone down in recent generations, in North America at least (Europe is like miles ahead of us), and that's a fact, but you know, there is still a good percentage of us who do know our stuff and can tell the good from the bad. I'd like to think I have at least mediocre writing skills, and that my vocabulary is pretty expanded for someone of my tender young age of 17 years. But you know, what do I know? I'm just a teenager, who's never read the classics, because I'm in high school so I wouldn't have any interest in doing so, and so I have no knowledge of anything of importance. I can't read or write worth a damn because of my generation, I'm a delinquent who does drugs, smokes, drinks, parties, vandalizes and all that fun stuff, and I wouldn't know quality literature, film or music if it fucked me up the ass.

Right?

GAHHHD it's just such a piss-off. Every single time I see this occurring, I get pissed off.

Moving on now, The Birthday Massacre is a fantastic band. And Canadian too! Check out their video for Looking Glass! It's what got me listening to them, because I saw the video on MuchLoud. See now, THAT chick has a pop voice, or at least far more so than Anette, but it works! I think it works. I like her voice. I also like the music, it's kind of weird and indescribable really. But that video is totally awesome, even if the message takes a bit of thinking. I think it's about how we mask ourselves and hide how we're feeling all the damn time, and everyone does, and I honestly don't know :P. But the lead singer Chibi is absolutely awesome and hilarious haha. I mean just in general. I totally and completely hope that they hit up pathetic little Winnipeg on some tour of theirs. When they aren't touring with Mindless Self Indulgence, because I don't care for MSI.

Can't swim for two months because of what I had done on Saturday (I'm not saying what because it's fun to make Shanel curious), so that's an excellent excuse NOT to go out to the lake with my dad and Aiden, because I don't really like the lake; it's yucky and too far from civilization and I find it more stressful than enjoyable. Admittedly, it has some fun stuff to it, and it's nice to be able to go for a walk and not have to bump into anyone, talk to anyone, or anything, but generally I just don't like it. But I'm always expected to go. But I'm not this year. Maybe not ever again, I don't know. Maybe I'll only go when I want to, meaning when I have my intermediate or full licence (if I ever get to that point :p).

So I'll leave this poor blog alone now and go post one on Myspace...and LJ. Ohhh shit I completely forgot about that Tuomas/Anette fic I started! I should probably get on that. That poor community is all morte right now though. :(

Ahh well, a healthy round of applause to you if you actually read all that, since I don't really expect anyone to.

Currently Listening: She is My Sin (live Montreal 2007) by Nightwish

A sin for him,
Desire within, desire within.
A burning veil for the bride too dear for him.
A sin for him,
Desire within, desire within.
Fall in love with your deep dark sin.

Well I doubt this is how it went down.

2008-06-29T02:05:00.005-05:00

(1:34 AM) *namechange*:
I thought that there was originally six and when Tarja found out she was being replaced she killed one

hahahahahahaha
You have no idea how much I laughed when Shanel said that.

About the final bow during End of an Era with John Two-Hawks.

You know, I was thinking today (yes, I do do that from time to time), about this whole firing Tarja thing. In an interview or two (possibly three), Tuomas said that they'd decided six months before or whatever and they had all that time to decide how best to fire her. And I was wondering how in the world that topic would first come up. Maybe it was like:

---

THE SCENE: After some random show six months before firing Tarja.

*Tuomas approaches Emppu*

Tuomas: Emppu, you know, I was thinking that it's time for Tarja to go.

Emppu: What, like assassinate her?

Tuomas: No, no. Just fire her in the most humiliating way possible.

Emppu: You want to videotape us telling her she's fired and then put it on Youtube?

Tuomas: I don't know. We'll make it a possibility, but we should brainstorm some more.

Emppu: Okay, well have you talked to Marco and Jukka yet?

Tuomas: No, not yet. Since I just decided I didn't want her in the band anymore while we were onstage.

Emppu: Right, well you should talk to them about it, and we'll see what happens. I don't care either way. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some Emppuholics to annoy by not showing up outside the venue for them to bombard me with autograph and picture requests. Let me know how it goes.

*Emppu leaves to...god knows where...and Tuomas begins searching for Jukka, finally finding the drummer putting away his drumset with the roadies*

*Tuomas approaches Jukka*

Tuomas: Jukka...Emppu and I were just talking...

Jukka: Could you hold on a sec, Tuomas? I just need to finish telling my drums that they did a marvellous job today.

*Tuomas shuts up as Jukka croons for a bit to his snare drum, not finding it strange at all as he does the same thing to his keyboards after each show*

Jukka: Okay, that's all good now. So what were you saying Tuomas?

Tuomas: Oh, well, maybe I should talk to you about this...alone...

Jukka: Oh, I get it. You don't want Betsy to hear. Gotcha.

*The two walk to an empty place in the venue*

Tuomas: Who's Betsy?

Jukka: My drumset!

Tuomas: Oh, okay. So anyway, Emppu and I were just talking about firing Tarja, but we felt we should make sure it was okay with you.

Jukka: Oh yeah, I'm cool with it. She's been a bit annoying lately with that Marcelo character around anyway.

Tuomas: Great! So I was just telling Emppu we should do it in the most humiliating way possible, so think on that for a bit and let me know if you come up with any ideas.

Jukka: Alright. Have you talked to Marco though?

Tuomas: Well I'll mention it to him, but even if he says no, it doesn't matter because he only joined the band a few years ago and we're all the founding members, so it's really us who get to decide everything anyway.

Jukka: Yeah, that's true. Well you should tell him anyway, and tell him that he has no choice in the matter regardless of what he thinks.

Tuomas: I was planning to.

*Tuomas goes off to find Marco, and finds the bass player seated on a chair, already playing his DS*

Tuomas: Marco, I gotta tell you something.

Marco: What's up, Tuomas?

Tuomas: Well Emppu, Jukka and I plan to fire Tarja.

Marco: FINALLY! God, I'm so sick of her, but I knew I couldn't say anything because I only joined the band a few years ago and you guys are all the founding members, so it's really you who get to decide everything anyway.

Tuomas: Okay, wow, great!

Marco: So when are you gonna do it?

Tuomas: Actually, I haven't thought about that yet.

Marco: How about in six months, right after filming the DVD at our last concert of the tour?

Tuomas: Marco, you're a genius! That sounds absolutely perfect because that way we can make all the profit as Nightwish and she won't because she won't be in Nightwish anymore, and also we can spoil all her memories of that concert so she can't even watch the DVD without crying!

Marco: Yes, well I try my best.

---

And how the idea for the open letter came about? Well picture this:

---

THE SCENE: Sometime shortly following the plan to fire Tarja, sitting backstage before a gig. Tarja and Marcelo are sitting together a bit separated from Tuomas, who is brooding on how best to fire the leading lady, and Emppu, who's got his iPod on full blast. Marco and Jukka are off...somewhere else, likely drinking.

Tarja (to Marcelo): Oh, Marcelo darling, I was just thinking...

Marcelo: Thinking about what, dear? Money?

Tarja: No, not money.

Marcelo (muttering): Dammit, the brainwashing hasn't fully worked yet.

Tarja: No, I was just thinking about how absolutely horrible it would be if I were to get fired from this band.

Marcelo: Don't speak nonsense, dear. Not only is Tuomas completely in love with you, but they'd also be idiots to fire you, because there's absolutely no chance on Earth that they would find a friendly and personable Swedish woman to replace you and also send their sales skyrocketing. Because obviously Swedes are terrible people and not a single one of them is friendly. And also, they all have pop voices, and we all know that pop voices would never work to open Nightwish up to a larger audience.

Tarja: Oh, you're just saying that because I'm Finnish and you know how we all hate Swedes.

Marcelo: Yes. In fact, it's quite probable that they would find a friendly and personable Swedish woman to replace you, and her pop voice would in fact send their sales skyrocketing because it would open the music up to a larger audience. But they won't fire you anyway, because you are the only thing keeping this floating wreck called "Nightwish" afloat. Also, you've already said you were leaving after one more album, so they'd really achieve nothing by firing you.

Tuomas (thinking): Little do they know what we have in store for them...

Tarja: Yes, but hypothetically, no matter how unrealistic it seems, it would be horrible.

Marcelo: Yes, but I'm sure you'd do wonderfully solo, as you plan to when you quit Nightwish.

Tarja: I'm positive I will do quite well. Especially since I wouldn't actually be writing my own lyrics, I'd just find people to write them for me and maybe change a line here or there. But quitting Nightwish and being fired are so different, because one way, I can humiliate them, and the other way, they can humiliate me!

Marcelo: Stop thinking about these things! They're depressing!

Tarja: Just imagine how horrible it would be to be publicly crucified, like if they fired me by an open letter that they posted on the front page of their website or something after the last show of the tour!

Marcelo: Calm down, darling. You'll never have to worry about that. You're so far ahead of the rest of them, we both know that their little minds could never think up such a conniving scheme.

*a lightbulb goes on over Tuomas' head*

Tuomas (thinking): I am so brilliant! We can fire her by an open letter that we'll post on the front page of our website! My genius will never cease to amaze me.

*Tuomas cackles evilly, drawing weird looks from Marcelo and Tarja*

---

Of course I'm just joking. Ya'll know that, I hope.

And I had wayyyyy too much fun writing that.

By the way, since I've no intention of writing in here tomorrow when I post the fanfic update, the dress I'm talking about is this one:

Also, I'm a horrible, horrible person because I hotlinked that photo :S

I'd like to thank Mike in advance for his help (because I still have a couple paragraphs to write before I send it over to him).

@Daria: It isn't just you, don't worry about it. It's a me thing and I have to get over it, and it's better than people just saying "It's good" over and over again anyway :)

Currently Listening: Where Were You Last Night? by Nightwish

I called and I called
Just to make things right.
Have I lost the fight?
Where were you last night?
I beg and I cry,
I keep asking why.
Where were you last night?
Where were you last night?

Good news!

2008-06-27T14:46:00.003-05:00

Besides the fact that I am OFFICIALLY done grade 11, of course. With a 68 on my math exam *sadface* BUT WHATEVER.

INTERNET IS WORKING AGAIN!!! XD XD XD

It took about an hour of going through this epic list of .dlls my system is using, but I found the two files that were the "Vundo Trojan", which apparently Avast!, Spysweeper and Symantec can't detect.

So the internet's still slow, but it works, so I am very happy. And you should be too because there SHOULD be a fanfic update by Sunday. Assuming I get a chance to send Mike the rough draft and get his opinions. You may wonder why I always choose Mike for this helping me out with the writing thing, and it's very simple. Because when he constructively critisizes my writing, I have never, ever felt like he was being mean, malicious or anything. Also, nothing he's said has ever made me feel down on what I've written, as has been the case with some other CC I've gotten. Though of course I'm not going to go proclaim it when I feel like shit after anyone's comments :p. It's just me, really, because I'm sure (or at least, I really, really hope) that no one ever has the intention of making me feel bad, and I've always asked for CC on absolutely everything I've written, but I suffer from a self-esteem sunken to depths you could not fathom and so this makes me just a touch hypersensitive aha. It's also why I'm shy online.

Regardless, that's the scoop. I've got some scanners on right now to dig out the last dregs of Malware and Spyware, so we'll just have to hope this never happens again. I intend to get Vista shortly, assuming the store where this computer was purchased still has a copy of it on hold for me to pick up for free, and the offer didn't expire like my mom thinks it did.

I have 54 GBs worth of videos on this system, and that's just in the My Videos files! Never even mind the Adobe Premiere Elements file. Which is completely insane, of course. I think I should go through and delete some of the TV show seasons I've downloaded. But how can I make tribute videos without any episodes?! Haha.

This morning I quite nearly had a spaz because I seem to have lost my GoCard and an entire sheet of bus tickets. And I discovered this ten minutes before I had to leave to catch the bus to school to pick up my report card. So thankfully I found a stray bus ticket on the floor of my room and another in my wallet. Though I only needed one since my transfer totally lasted me all the way there and back again.

It's thunderstorming right now. How depressing. The greyness makes me lazy.

I just thought of one of my aunt's poems entitled "Grey with an 'e'".
"Grey with an e is not the same colour as gray with an a".
That's the only part of it that's relevant to anything that anyone else would know though. I think it's true. I like the way it looks better, for some reason. I don't know why. It just...I don't know.

Haha when I woke up this morning my face was purple. Because of my hair. I guess my hairdresser was right to say I should use a towel over my pillow for a few days, though my pillows seem unaffected unless the purple just doesn't show on the red. The poor white arm of my glasses is dyed purple now though. Who knew it would be so hazardous to put a streak of purple in one's hair. At least it wasn't blue though...I hear blue is the worst colour because it comes off way easier.

OMFG Abby added me on Facebook XD. That site is totally trippy, to hear from people who went to ELI, or like Abby who I haven't spoken to since BEFORE ELI, or hell, even Sinnika, who I haven't spoken to since BEFORE before ELI.

Trippy.

And to think, I'm only 17. Imagine how scary it will be when I'm like 30 and hearing from people that I went to high school with?

Also, my mom is ordering me some more Nightwish stuff, which makes my little withered heart happy.

Oh and Johan was online yesterday, and we talked about Nightwish. Because he likes Anette better too. We both like Tarja, just...not as much. Aha. It might be because both of us are drawn more to rock, and you have to admit that Anette has a far more rock n' roll presence, both vocally and performance-wise, and clothing-wise.

I totally want to steal her wardrobe, you have no idea. Haha. My friends would flip if I showed up to school in anything like what she wears though.

I should take off, I have some posting and reading to catch up on now that everything's finally working again.

If you ever have the same issue that I had, I highly recommend this site >>CLICK!<<. It was the only one that really helped me do anything about it. And it's support for Firefox, but the same virus affects IE, so yeah.

Currently Listening: Singular Indestructable Droid by Papa Roach

This body is just a cage,
You're dead and you're in a grave.
We're losing our minds,
That's just fine,
Living forever.

I'm completely smitten with Jacoby again. I totally watched some vids with him and I remember why I used to love him so much.

No fault of mine.

2008-06-26T13:28:00.003-05:00

I've finally started writing the next chapter for the Nightwish fanfic (*the crowd goes wild*) but there is a bit of a problem (*a hush falls over the crowd, their cheering from moments earlier forgotten as they worry about what the problem might be*). The problem is that it doesn't even matter when I finish it, because I can't post it, not by my own volition, of course. But both Firefox and IE7 (both of which I've reinstalled - to no avail) will not open the homepage of Wordpress. And even if they do manage to get to that point (as has happened once or twice in the past week), they don't let me log in. So, you see, until I can get this resolved, there won't be an update (*the crowd roars in an outburst of anger*). Or at least until I can find some other solution.

So just know that it isn't that I have written nothing, and it isn't that I've given up on it, because I haven't. It's just my trusty PC and all its worms and issues rising to the surface as my patience is stretched to its limits and I reach wit's end. Because this is so unbelievably frustrating. Seriously, you have no idea.

EVERYTHING ELSE works FINE except for the internet.GAHHHHHHHHH!

*goes on a killing rampage*

Oh, also, I can LOG IN to the Plaza just fine (not really just fine, but I can), but forget trying to post anything, as the posting box just NEVER shows up. And the Nightwish forum hasn't worked since like yesterday morning. PRU freezes as soon as the fucking background is loaded, so I can't even see the news. Gmail is dead and gone too.

Yeah, please help me before I drown in the river of my own tears.

Not to be emo or anything :p. Though that would go with my new hair, aha.

Currently Listening: Nothing by Oomph!

I come undone.

Nothing can change my life but you,
My sweetest friend.

I come undone.

Nothing can save my life

Until the very end.

Don't you feel that I'm nothing without you?

2008-06-25T15:12:00.002-05:00

What Doesn't Work (in both browsers)
- Wordpress
- Myspace
- Facebook
- Gmail (works very, very rarely)
- PRU (works rarely)
- Nightwish forum (works occasionally)

What Does Work (in both browsers)
- The Plaza
- Livejournal
- Last.fm
- Youtube
- Blogger
- Oomph-Supernova

Yes. What fun that the majority of the sites I frequent most don't work. I tried re-installing IE7, but it wouldn't install.

THIS IS BULLSHIT! *tears out hair*
I am so completely fed fucking up.

VIDEO INCOMING!

2008-06-24T21:05:00.001-05:00

WOOP!

My Nightwish video!!

It is uploaded.

'Ware before you watch it, though, that it is 9 minutes and 32 seconds long.

Laisse-moi know what you think, if you think, or if you don't. I know there are a few transitions that got kind of messed up. I blame it on the fact that my computer and Adobe Premiere Elements aren't always on the best terms :p.

Let us hope this gets resolved...like...now.

2008-06-24T14:35:00.002-05:00

Happy birfday to Emppu! ^.^

*trumpets play, confetti is thrown, and a carnival begins*

In other news, my IE7 is completely shot and I am in fact writing this in Firefox right now, though Firefox is not doing much better. IE is saying my cookies aren't enabled, but they are, as has been reaffirmed countless times since I foolishly hope it will be different every time I get the message. And Firefox is having issues with some websites, as it was before. *sighs* It just never ends. I'm trying to upload my Nightwish video to Youtube but it's just stuck. It isn't uploading. Nope. Damn it all to hell. I just installed Spy Sweeper, so hopefully that will take care of it, otherwise I'm betting FF is going to die soon too, which means I have no idea when I'll be able to write in here, on any of the forums I frequent, or update the fanfic.

Also, phase one of dramatic changes was completed yesterday. Phase two is tomorrow, and phase three is on Saturday. Ya'll won't be able to recognize me by the time I'm done :P
This is the year of finally doing all the things I've wanted to do for many years now aha.

Learned how to play Blood and Harder Than A Coffin Nail yesterday. I think I might start making my guitar videos again, if my video camera will work. *crosses fingers*.

Yeah yeah, I do love Nightwish. God I'm redundant.

2008-06-22T23:45:00.006-05:00

oh my fucking god.

I NEED to go to another Nightwish concert RIGHT NOW. It's unbelievable. I'm working on a video you see, which required a good two hours going through their Sydney gig to find some good clips, and it's just...nygah. Emppu, I adore him. You know that though. And Anette too. And Marco. And Tuomas. And Jukka. Though it isn't fair that at the Sydney gig, Emppu and Jukka shook hands with the crowd too, but at the Winnipeg one, they just stood in the middle of the stage talking as Marco, Tuomas and Anette shook hands with us. On the cool side, at least Tuomas and Anette actually went down onto the floor on the other side of the barrier to shake our hands, unlike over there. Plus, Anette wasn't sick at our gig, and we got Dead to the World, SO THERE. But anyways.

Enter the Vault is saying that they have some Nightwish tickets for the spring coming soon SO THIS MEANS NIGHTWISH IS COMING TO NORTH AMERICA IN 2009!!! Totally going to see them again.

I also figured out what's wrong with my keyboard. It isn't my keyboard :p. It's my computer, it keeps switching selected programs for some reason. It seems it's usually DivX interrupting. Also, I downloaded Avast! Antivirus, and it located 9 (NINE!!!) viruses. Mostly Trojans. 3 in my system32 (AKA most important System) folder. I still have fucking Adware/Spyware though. But at least my internet is running smoothly again.

And you know that potential Meet & Greet with Papa Roach? Scratch Meet & Greet and make that full-out Backstage Passes!! My mom is going to find out on July 4th when her work (the US Consulate) throws their 4th of July party. Because the guy in the city government (incidentally the same guy who got me my job shadow at Buffalo Gal Pictures) is going to be there...AS WELL as the special events co-ordinator. Double the chance! I would have to pay for the passes, of course, but I think it would be very worth it, don't you?

Hmm, so I'm digging out the dregs of something to write for the next update in le fanfic, so let us all hope that it pans out, eh? I keep having half-thoughts and ideas for it, but I don't know how I will make them work.

So, I bought a new Nightwish poster, just a pic from the Once sessions. And the guy working there was like, "Old lineup, eh?" and I replied, "Yeah, I like the new lineup better, but the old one's good too." He said, "I hear the new singer's got it. At the concert, she was perfect, dead on, note for note." And I said, "Yeah, she's awesome!"

Yay Anette won Winnipeg over!

So anyways, then the girl working there gave me five Nightwish stickers for free, which is awesome, but I used the two I already had from when I went there with Cory on my guitars already, so I don't know where I'll put these ones. Ah well, I'll figure something out.

To put up my new poster required major rearrangement of the pictures on my walls. I moved my Johnny poster (because I decided I had to put my "new era" Nightwish poster in my room then, if I was going to have the old) up onto the ceiling with Kurt, and moved the pics from the Winnipeg concert over by that poster. I moved my signed venue poster over to the wall with the calendar and shoved my fan art over. As well as my Papa Roach poster. So that made room for my new Nightwish poster!

That won't make sense to anyone except those who have been in my room before.

I could seriously go flat broke at Wild Planet. I hope they order in even more Nightwish stuff (*cough*A new band poster*coughcough*), but when I went there with Cory, the girl said that "Nightwish stuff is really fucking hard to get in." And that's a direct quote :p

They have keychains, as I discovered, posters, flags, patches. They HAD calendars, and stickers. They are awesome. No shirts (yet) though. The carry a lot of Papa Roach stuff too, which is awesome. And TONS of Rammstein stuff. Do you see why I could go broke there? Too bad I can't work there 'til I'm 18 (they sell drug paraphernalia, you see).

Mmm, but otherwise I haven't much to say. I've been listening to Oomph! like crazy today in between editing my Nightwish video. I have a list of videos that I have to finish, but I keep getting my priorities mixed up. I HAVE TO WORK ON NANCY'S VIDEO GRRR. But instead, I will continue on with my Nightwish video, aha.

Ah yes, yesterday was Aiden and Anette's birthdays. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!

I drew a comic eons ago (Shanel and Chantal shall remember) about a hypothetical situation surrounding Anette's birthday, but I seem to have misplaced it. A shame, really, since I was going to post it here on her birthday. Well, when/if I find it, I will post it.

Emppu's birthday is in a couple of days.

Know what? HE IS UBER ADORABLE!

Currently Listening: Swallow by Oomph!

Tossin' and turnin',

You know 'bout this yearning,

This feeling you've locked deep inside.

So swallow your frown, my love,

And follow me down, my love.

Earthless

2008-06-20T21:25:00.005-05:00

I know this girl, as pretty as can be.

Sign of an Aquarius, she was born on the 18th.

UFOs, snakes and spiders give her the creeps.

She's got a half-life, a half-smile, and lives in semi-luxury,

Questions God, drugs and bullets, and the high school beauty queen.

She's courageous but scared to death,

But that's what courage means.

She's looking for some courage.

She feels faithless, she feels earthless,

She wants to run.

She's struggling for purpose. I tell her,

"Hang in, oh it's worth it.

You've just begun."

Her bedroom is her temple,

Her books and stereo her muse,

And she feels humbled by this equation

And sets fire to all her shoes.

Not because of Henry Miller;

She's just not leaving anytime soon.

And as the smoke pours out her window,

An image forms behind the moon,

And it looks like the face of Jesus,

but if it's Jesus, she needs proof.

At the heart of the matter, the matter of fact, the science of matter:

[We all hope it's true].

She's looking for some courage.
She feels faithless, she feels earthless,
She wants to run.
She's struggling for purpose. I tell her,
"Hang in, oh it's worth it.
You've just begun."

Raine Maida "Earthless"

Is it possible not to heart it?

There is a reason...

2008-06-18T17:04:00.006-05:00

as to why there's no fanfic update today.

Actually, there's a few.

1) It's exam week

2) I've been way too busy this past week to even THINK about writing

3) I'm like...depleted of the words. I just don't have the creativity inside right now. Which is why I don't know when the next update will be. Often, these lulls in creativity aren't as long as I think they'll be, so don't hold out for a very long wait anyway.

4) I want the next chapter to be good. I have a feeling it's going to be the longest one yet, and it's a very different style than I'm used to writing, so I want to get it good and hit the nail on the head on the first try. Meaning some people are going to have the "privilege" of reading the rough drafts and helping me write them out *cough*Mike*coughcough*.

Anyways, there's your explanation, darlings. And I'll leave you at that.

Today was a bad luck day *sighs*. I was late for my geo exam (which was crazy easy though).

Gotta make a study sheet for math tomorrow morning.

AND IT'S OFFICIAL. I'm buying my Seattle tix on Friday!

Currently Listening: Paperboy by Stabilo

And I remember reading all about it in the morning,
What an awful sad misfortune.
Yeah, the light had turned red,
But the witnesses said
His eyes were on the girl beside him.

another year older!

2008-06-15T13:21:00.002-05:00

Happy birthday to me! I'm now the old age of seventeen. Haha.

Also, I've been wearing solely Nightwish shirts for 31 days now. Meaning I have reached my goal and can stop shunning my other shirts ^.^.

Hope everyone else is having a fantastic Father's Day. I actually get to see my father this year! Yay!

And I can't decide whether to cheer for Switzerland or Portugal in today's soccer match. AHH DECISIONS!

Just stopping in.

2008-06-14T15:43:00.003-05:00

Hey guys.

Been having MAJOR internet problems lately, and I just can't figure out what the hell is wrong with it. It isn't just IE7 causing problems, but also Firefox, so it's a computer thing I'm pretty sure. But my Symantec isn't finding ANY viruses (with the exception of the Adware that I already knew I had), so I'm pretty worried at this point that I've got another Stealth virus. I will seriously cry if I do though. Anyways, here's the issue. The first tab in my internet doesn't open websites. It continuously loads them, never times out and never takes me to the site. The second tab usually works, except with some sites sometimes. Firefox is being picky with websites too. Gmail in particular seems to be having trouble on both, but neither is getting me to the Nightwish forum, and PapaRoachUnit is taking eons to load but it gets me there eventually. The Plaza works fine on both, Facebook and Myspace are really picky, and those are the only sites I've tried except this one (which surprised me when it actually loaded). Youtube seems to be fine too. This is the third day that this has happened.

And there's something up with my keyboard too, because not all the letters I type go through, and I have to hit some letters like three times in order for it to show up. This has happened in the past and gone away, so it sure as hell better go away this time.

Anyways, I'm writing to you from my birthday weekend, since tomorrow is my birthday. Yayyy!! Yesterday was my party with my friends, and Sarah and Janice went paintballing with me and Dallas and a bunch of his friends. Everyone had a great time, and Janice and Dallas were actually pricing out guns afterwards, and Dallas was making plans with his friends to go back in a month or two. That's the thing with paintballing: you get the money and you prepare yourself for your first hit and then you'll get addicted to it. And yes, it does hurt to get hit, some places a lot more than others. But it's nothing unreasonable and there are rules to the game (i.e. not allowed to shoot witin 15 feet), so it's not some giant free-for-all. But I didn't ge hit at all ^.^. So Sarah forcefully punched me in the back...because I shot her muaha.

After paintballing, Sarah and I went a little nuts to some Papa Roach tunes and Shanel and Chantal came over. We rented a bunch of horror movies to watch (since even though it was my birthday party, it was also a Friday the 13th party) but didn't wind up watching any as we played Rock Band from 11pm until 2am. It was fun. We played as Nightwish (I made the band...of course, you must have expected that from me, right?). I had to sing...pretty much the entire time. But oh well, it wasn't too bad.

Today a bunch of my mom's family came over and I opened presents and had cake. I got 30 Rock Season 1, House Season 3, Children of Men, a bunch of money and a St.Vital gift card! I chose to wait until tomorow to open my present from my mom and Dallas. I need to get together with Jeanette soon too, so she can give me my prezzie too (goddamn family drama. Would have been much simpler if she had just come to my place today *sighs*). It's fun to hang out with her though, esecially since I never used to really know her, but now we have a bunch of interests in common (music stuffs), so we talk about that and concerts and Marco and Emppu and Anette and Tuomas and Tarja a lot. Poor Jukka doesn't get many mentions though. And she usually recommends some more bands to me, and we just chill and play cards or something. It's nice. It's something I never had with her when I was younger.

Tonight I'm going to visit my dad and Aiden, and then tomorrow until Tuesday night I'm staying with them. I have to give my dad the knife I bought him in Switzerland. I hope he likes it, even though it wasn't super expensive or anything. I'm still pretty disappointed I'm not going to see Holly this year, but these things happen, I guess. It was nice to talk to her the other day and squee about the concert to someone who hasn't heard it all before. Though my dad cut off our conversation before I even told her about Anette putting her hand on my face. I told her about Tuomas' bottle and Emppu's wink though, and squeed for a long time over the wink as she just laughed at me. But yeah. Still crossing my fingers for this fall. I hope you all are too for me?

Well that's it really. I won't be around much. Yay, you get a break from me!

Oh god, Joe made me laugh so hard today because he wrote a poem about me. It was entitled "Emppu's Fangirl". The thing is that he posted it on the great wide internets (AKA the Plaza) and that's how I saw it. Haha he's a great guy. I hope he got the letter I sent him. I wonder how much longer it'll take. Probably a week more to go. Gotta love how long it takes for mail to get through from Canada to the States or vice versa.

Yay! Tomorrow I'm turning 17! Meaning almost 18! Meaning almost DONE with Winnipeg! :D

Currently Listening: Tired of Being Alone by Schiller & Tarja Turunen

What you have dreamed
Is not what I am...so far.
Let me be the one.

Please understand me how I am.

But I don't want to walk alone,

I need your hands to warm my soul.

2008-06-11T15:04:00.000-05:00

Holy fuck it's hard to write from Jukka's point of view.

:D

2008-06-10T15:50:00.004-05:00

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

GO SWEDEN!

Sweden beat Greece 2 - 0. I watched the last few minutes of the match online, but it won't be airing here until tomorrow. AND THEN I WILL WATCH IT ON THE TELLY!

OH THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY!

Let us celebrate. DRINKS ALL 'ROUND!

Currently Listening: Getting Away With Murder (Demo) by Papa Roach

Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness,

I need to calculate what creates my own madness.

And I'm adicted to your punishment,

And you're the master,

And I am waiting for disaster.

It's sooo unbelievably annoying.

2008-06-09T17:07:00.005-05:00

NO I DON'T HAVE A LIFE. AND YES I ADMIT I AM ADDICTED.

There's an actual post after the meme, though.

Music player on shuffle!

The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say:

Meadows of Heaven by Nightwish

There's nothing in that song for speeches...

Your favorite thing to say when drunk is:

I Don't Wanna Be by Gavin DeGraw.

"I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately." Would have been better for the first question, I think.

Your message to the world:

Bless the Child by Nightwish.

"Think of me long enough to make a memory."? Or "Why am I loved only when I'm gone?" Or that whole shpiel about innocence and "the cross is only iron" thing at the end? I don't know. There's a lot in that song that means a lot to me. But is any of it really message-worthy?

Your deepest secret:

Van Nuys by Sixx:A.M.

My secret's the obvious things? Or I just don't want to die? lolz. OH it could be "I don't want my mom to know that I never loved my life." Except I kinda do :S (love my life I mean haha)

Your innermost desire:

Just Like You by Three Days Grace.

Indeed.

Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include:

In This Life by Chantal Kreviazuk.

"I am right beside you in this life." That's pretty wedding-appropriate, I think.

On your deathbed, you'll whisper:

Omobolasire by Prozzak.

I'm gonna go on about a girl in Africa on my deathbed?!

Your friends say behind your back:

Habit by Stabilo.

I certainly hope they don't say anything that's in that song, because that is crazily creepy O.o.

You say behind your friends' back:

X-mas in Hell by Sixx:A.M.

Hahah that doesn't even work. Unless I don't have any friends :(

When you wake up in the morning, you mutter:

Outside by Staind.

No, I don't think so.

If you were by yourself, lost on a desert island, you'd yell:

Originally I had Nukkuu Kedolla by Indica, but since I doubt I'd be shouting things in Finnish, the next song I got was Under Zenith by Our Lady Peace.

"Maybe they'll come back again."

Right now, your feelings are:

Car Crash by Our Lady Peace.

"Tired and jaded."

What's your excuse for reposting this:

Over The Hills and Far Away by Nightwish

"A secret it must stay." ^.^

Your life's soundtrack:

All My Friends by Our Lady Peace.

"This time, we won't understand again. I'm not waiting for some sense." I guess my life just does not compute.

The day you fall in love will be the day that:

Amaranth (orchestral version) by Nightwish was the first I got...but I kind of need words or something. Hot Show by Prozzak was next.

"We're gonna make a video." O.O

What do people assume when they first look at you?

When Dreams Fall Apart by Alyson Avenue

"I may be foolish, but you are running overtime."

What will be a big challenge in life for you?

Life is Beautiful by Sixx:A.M.

"You can't quit until you try." Maybe. Or, "Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful." So what, I don't try? Or I don't see that life is beautiful? Actually, both are probably true...

Are you a good boyfriend/girlfriend?

Tomorrow by Sixx:A.M.

"Tomorrow you're gonna have to live with the things you say. Tomorrow you'll have to cross bridges that you burned today." I guess not :/

Do you have a secret admirer?

The Wonderful Future by Our Lady Peace

That could be a sign that I do! Ehhehhhhh...

Will you ever become manically depressed in your life?

Forever by Papa Roach

"In the brightest hour of my darkest day, I realized what is wrong with me." Things aren't looking too great, I guess.

How will you die?

Penny Pass by Stabilo.

That's actually pretty funny, since the song's about dying and all. I gather suicide then?

Is someone trying to kill you?

Swanheart by Nightwish.

No, except, apparently, for my own loneliness.

What's for dinner tonight?

Killing Loneliness by HIM.

"With the venomous kiss you gave me, I'm killing loneliness." It's totally your venomous kiss for dinner tonight.

Your farewell message to the readers of this:

Over and Over by Three Days Grace

Oh yes, you can expect memes over and over.

...

I am seriously going to blow a frickin' gasket if I have to read another Tarja vs. Anette thing. Go check out Nightwish's last.fm page, I dare you.

I don't understand why it's SUCH a big deal. Can't people just accept that someone may like something they don't? If they stopped liking the band after Anette joined, why don't they just piss off and stop caring, rather than screaming loudly all over the internet: "ANETTE SUCKS BRING TARJA BACK!"? No, Anette is not "bad" and Tarja is not "good". Nor is Anette "good" or Tarja "bad". They just are. The terms "good" and "bad" are supremely subjective in this particular case, and no one person can say that their opinion is fact. GRAR! I can say "Anette is so obviously better than Tarja" and then someone can just as easily say "Tarja is so obviously better than Anette", and whose to say which opinion is correct? Because I'll have people backing me and they'll have people backing them, and then chaos will ensue. Because there's no such thing as an un-biased opinion when it comes to this. Everyone has preferences in vocals. Some people really don't like classical vocals, and others really do. THERE IS NO WINNING THIS.

It's seriously beyond me how these arguments still take place all over. It's been a fucking year already, get over it. I can't believe people still piss and moan about the fact that Marco's in the band now. DUDE. IT'S BEEN LIKE 7 YEARS. GET THE FUCK OVER IT. Nightwish obviously isn't gonna boot out a member because some people don't like the way they sound or whatever. If you don't like how Nightwish is now, why not just leave them be and accept that they've gone in a direction that doesn't please you? There's a great big world of music out there, go discover some new bands and get over the ones you're done with. It isn't that hard. And god forbid they should expand their fanbase. You know, we don't want them to keep making money so that they can keep doing what they want to do with their lives, and we don't want them to ever change from how they were on Angels Fall First, right? We want them to keep that exact same fanbase, and that exact same sound. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHD.

Sorry, now I'm getting all pissed off over something entirely separate from the last.fm page discussion that I glanced over today. It's just seriously such a redundant topic, I don't understand why people still fight over it. Anette is the lead singer now, and Nightwish continues to live. It isn't like Tarja's disappeared off the face of the Earth, since she does have her own album out. Plus which, if you don't like "new era" Nightwish, you have NINE years of stuff with Tarja, including three DVDs, countless recorded festival performances, and five full-length albums. So it really shouldn't be an issue.

Then again, some people just like to argue for the sake of arguing (though that's something I'll never understand, since I'm one of those who avoids confrontation as much as humanly possible). I just wish people weren't so mean, on both sides of the fence. Anette does NOT have a "pop" voice, and Tarja DOES have emotion in what she sings. Honestly, has NO ONE heard Century Child? And while maybe it isn't so apparent in Once, it's still there. In Nemo (the song, not the video. She looks like fucking plastic in the video), you CAN hear emotion in her voice. And White Night Fantasy is fantastically done, you can certainly hear emotion there too. Live performances too, like on EoaE, there were some spots where she was so obviously into the music. Or maybe it's just me and I'm naive, or maybe everyone who says she doesn't feel the songs is just blind. I don't know.

And for the next fucking person who intends to say that Anette has a pop voice, try this on for size.

The epitome of pop vs. Nightwish's "poppiest" song

Yes, Amaranth is, compared to other Nightwish songs, poppy. Because it is happy-sounding and gets stuck in your head. That's about where the similarity ends.

I APOLOGIZE. I have been wanting to rant about this for about an eon, and now I have.

ON ANOTHER NOTE.

I found a couple vids from Nightwish's Rock am Ring performance, and the audience is shit :(.

Nightwish probably should have been on the Alternastage, the same one Papa Roach is always on. Seems to me that the fans there might enjoy it more because they aren't solely waiting for Metallica, you know? Also, I guess Marco and Anette could have done more to get the audience into it. I have a hard time watching Nightwish live vids because I always compare their interaction with the audience to Jacoby's, heh.

WIHAA

Amaranth

BBB

For your comparison, 4 minutes and 18 seconds of male hotness.

Listen to him here at Rock am Ring 2007. Oh the poor guy, I feel for him :(. It must suck to have to sing when you're sick. Jerry sounds pretty ill too.

I know we gotta cut Nightwish some slack too, because we didn't get to see their full performance, and it's like Anette's first BIG festival, and we don't get those full audience shots, and I'm guessing that the crowd generally DID suck, because Nightwish is not Metallica, after all. *sighs* Oh well.

Sorry for major Nightwishness here too haha. You all know how I am obsessed. ^.^

Currently Listening: Gott ist ein Popstar by Oomph!

Vater unser im Himmel,

geheiligt werde die Lüge,

mein Fleisch verkomme,

mein Wille geschehe

und den Himmel gib uns auf Erden

und vergib’ uns unsere Gier

und führe uns jetzt in Versuchung

und dann erlöse uns von all dem Bösen.

[Our Father who art in Heaven,

Hallowed be the lies,

My flesh deprived

My will be done

On Earth as it is in Heaven

And forgive us of our greed

And lead us now in temptation

And then deliver us to all the evil]

Edit: It seems Nightwish did better at Rock im Park? Too bad it seems to cut off right as the crowd gets going, but I think I heard some Nightwish chants in there XD. Damn I wish there were better quality videos. LIKE IF THEY HAD STREAMED IT.

Yes I am a soccer nerd

2008-06-08T19:27:00.007-05:00

GERMANY WON! XD

I didn't get to watch the match, unfortunately, because I slept through it, but Germany beat Poland! YAY!

I'm talking about Euro 2008, for those who don't know.

While I'm not a major soccer addict, and I don't follow it closely, I did get totally into Fifa 2006 (I was very angry at Canada for not even qualifying) as people shall remember from the France vs. Italy match. I was totally spazzing out that night, because France was SO CLOSE. SO CLOSE SO CLOSE SO CLOSE.

Anyways, Euro 2008 is gonna be cool, and I'm happy Germany won hee! I'm curious to see how Sweden will do on the 10th and France tomorrow. Those are the three teams I'm cheering for. GO TEAMS GO!

Oh god, I wish it was 2010 for the next Fifa World Cup. 2010...that will be another kickass year. Think about it: Nightwish with a new album, Papa Roach likely in the studio again, Fifa, the winter Olympics in Vancouver, I will have been done with high school for a year by then, and hopefully will be heading off to Europe for exchange with the university. If things go according to plan, I'm betting 2010 will almost be as good as 2008. Maybe. No way of predicting the future, though.

Fifa 2006 was epic though. And my favourite player (Zinedine Zidane) won best player! Despite his infamous headbutt haha.

I tried to watch the last half hour of the Germany vs. Poland match today, and then Dallas is like,"SPORTS?!" and I'm like, "Yeah, soccer!" and he just grumbles something, so I changed it to Punk'd.

Okay, enough soccer talk.

I was going through Sonic Syndicate's tour album, and found a picture they took from the Winnipeg show.

Look closely. Very closely. What do you see? Do you happen to see this?

Oh god that smile on my face >.<

I look like such a dork. I don't even remember smiling. It must have been subconscious thing lmfao.

I hate my smile *glares at self*.

Anyways, yeah, that was pretty trippy to see. I just had to share.

Currently Listening: Falling Down by The Birthday Massacre

Despite the harm you've done,
You swallowed your rejection well.
Amplified.
Sing your song alone.
Trace your footsteps home.

Edit: I just had a minor spazzy because I remembered Marco giving me metalhorns. XD Oh god, that was seriously the BEST night of my LIFE. No wonder I was smiling.

"I'm a dirty motherfucker!"

2008-06-07T23:32:00.003-05:00

Today I got to look at many, many old photographs. I always found it kind of cool, to see how things were like 50 years before I was born. Like, my great-grandma and great-grandpa looked so happy together...it must have broke her heart when he died. My god, she's been a widow for like 23 years now. But anyways, moving on, it was quite interesting.

I'm totally pissed at mtv.de for buying the rights to this year's Rock am Ring. The first year I really want to watch it and it isn't streaming. Those fuckers are only playing a few of the acts. Meaning not Nightwish :(. At least in 2007, I had Papa Roach (even though poor Jacoby was sick...it sounded like he was really hurting himself singing, particularly in Forever), and in 2006 there was Placebo, and in 2005 there was Papa Roach again (in top form. omg Jacoby was so supremely hot back then). But the one year that I REALLY really care about seeing the performances (or at least one of them) and they stop their fucking livestreaming. Apparently the site/tv station that usually airs it wants to show up to 10 hours from the performances over the course of the summer, so I'm desperately hoping for some Nightwish in there. At least there will be Wacken and Bloodstock filmed (as far as I know).

Also, Anette cut and dyed her hair O.o. It doesn't look bad, just different. Besides, I'm partial to red hair, as some may have guessed by the fact that my hair was a semi-reddish colour for close to four years (though I just dyed it like two days ago, so it is not any longer...I foresee red again in the future of my hair colours, though). AND EMPPU IN BLUE IS TO DIE FOR! And Marco's socks are pure awesome. And and and :p
Well, Tuomas and Jukka are ceaselessly awesome. AND SHEXY!

I uploaded for your listening pleasure my top 3 albums at the moment XD. Enjoy while I keep the links up.

I IZ PIRATE!

Dark Passion Play
The Heroin Diaries Soundtrack
Getting Away With Murder

Guess what? All three of those singers have hot, hot voices XD. The little shiveries I get from Jacoby's voice are far superiour to either Anette's or James' shiveries though. Oh, Jacoby, how I would die for you. :p

I picked up my PRoach/Sixx:A.M. tix today! OH THE HAPPINESS!!! Shit seats, I'm still sad about that, but oh well. MY MUMMY MIGHT GET ME A MEET AND GREET! and that is fucking amazing in and of itself. And a real one, not the shit one that Nightwish had. Speaking of which, I found out I could just hop on down to Ticketmaster and buy tix for Seattle there. So I think I will do that sometime during the week. I have to convince Holly to go to the concert with me, because it would be uber awkward to go with my dad. At least Holly and I are more like friends than "she's a parental figure". It would still be WEIRD, but less so. I could just ask Amanda I suppose...though that might be even more awkward since she's like 3 years younger than me, and probably has never even heard the name of Nightwish, and shares virtually no interests in common with me anymore, and also, the only reason she used to be friends with me is because she was using me. At least Shanel had heard of them, and heard some of their songs too, for that matter. I don't know, but my mom won't let me go to the concert alone. I'd still meet up with Joe, and he and I decided we would wait for many many hours in line, because we do want front row after all, and then he said we'd go looking for some of the band members after too. I'm really hoping he can go.

And now, because I feel like it, A MEME.

When you're having a bad day, what comfort food do you reach for?
Ice cream.

Do you have an item that is your good luck charm?
For exams, I bring something small that means a lot to me, on the off chance it might indeed bring luck, or at least keep me from hyperventilating.

Does global warming and the hole in the ozone truly bother you?
Nah, I'm liking that our winters are less cold. Though the fact that it took until today for summer to be here is mildly irksome.

How many times have you moved in your lifetime?
A lot of fucking times. I lost count. We used to move every year.

Do you watch professional wrestling and is it real?
I don't know and I don't care. And I don't watch it.

What's the regular unleaded gas price where you are?
A buck thirty two point nine per litre.

Do you know someone who's been injured in Iraq?
No.

Do have smoke detectors in your home?
Of course.

Would it be easy to erase YOUR identity?
Probably.

When your mind wanders, where does it go first?
I don't know, it depends on what I'm predominantly focused on at the time. Like lately it's been going to getting a job, or just worrying over not being able to go see Nightwish after all.

What did you do on your first date?
It never was official.

Who was your first best friend?
Sinikka

When did you first realize that life isn't easy and fun?
Grade 6 when all that shit went down and the family got all broken.

The last thing you thought about before you fell asleep last night?
I totally don't know.

The last thing you'd find yourself wearing?
Any kind of fetish outfit O.o.

What will be the last thing that you do today?
I don't know.

What is the ONE best thing to do when you need to relax?
Guitar. Or just laying on my bed with the music on full blast.

On average, how much time do you spend on the computer everyday?
Way too fucking much. Funny thing is that it bores me out of my skull, and yet I still stay on.

How would you react if you had to spend a few months of your life on a bus?
What kind of bus, first of all? If it was public transit then I would probably off myself. If it was a comfy bus, I would be alright as long as I had books, my mp3 player and a charger for said mp3 player. Well, and food and drink and stuff.

What do you look for in a friend?
Sense of humour, honesty and reliability.

What makes you hate someone in particular?
If they did something to me that would make me hate them.

Would you still like your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush if they gained 20lbs?
Yeah...how shallow do you think I am?

What makes you jealous?
I don't really get that jealous, but different things can set it off.

Is it wrong to stereotype and bash someone because of how they look?
It's wrong, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop and it doesn't mean that anyone else is going to stop.

Honestly, have you ever made a racist comment?
I have. Though in actuality I'm not racist, sometimes one gets caught up in a moment (many other Manitobans would be able to relate, in regards to what my racist comment was).

What is something you are trying to work on?
I have a list.

Why do you think people forgive their friends after they have faulted them?
Because people like to feel comfort that they have someone there for them. No one really wants to be a loner.

What is something people lie to themselves about?
A hell of a fucking lot.

What is something that married couples make mistakes in?
Lots of things.

Do people know the real you?
Not really.

What do people think of you?
I don't WANT to know. Every time I find out, it hurts for years after.

What is the most beautiful thing about nature?
The freedom it (re)presents.

What's the best thing about you?
I doubt there is anything good about me.

Do you ever look at other peoples point of view? (Like your parents)
I try to.

What is something about your best friend that bothers you?
Best friends are fucking overrated. I don't have one.

What is something about all your friends in general that you don't like?
I never know what they say about me when I'm not there.

What is something that bothers you about hopeless romantics?
Their naivety.

What is something that other people probably don't know about you?
They don't know things for a reason, and I'm not about to share that over an online blog, sorry.

What is the past to you?
A fucked up series of events that led me to where I am today (which isn't a bad place, I might add).

Do you like things to stay the way they are, or for change to happen?
I acknowledge that change can be good, and some changes are for the better, but that doesn't mean that I go through the process well.

What is something that you should do to make a better tomorrow?
There are a few things I could do, but I'm not about to do any of them.

Will you even bother trying to make a difference?
I have tried, it just never seems to work.

When was the last time you cried in front of a bunch of people?
Grade 7.

What do you have to say about what happened that day?
It was one of the shittiest days of my school life.

When was the last time someone said sorry and MEANT it?
I don't know if anyone ever means it. There's no way for me to know that. As for myself, I mean it almost every time I apologize.

How old do you think you act?
It varies.

90 minutes later - So, I just finished watching the orgasmic musical experience called "Live & Murderous in Chicago" and I have had some thoughts. I think, performance-wise, Nightwish and Papa Roach are pretty much equal, the difference being that Nightwish interacts more with each other, whereas Jacoby is fucking killer with the audience. Yeah, the Nightwish guys (and gal) are absolutely amazing with the audience too, but Jacoby goes into the audience and sings, he gives people hugs in the middle of the show, he puts the mic to people's faces and has them sing for him. It's amazing to watch. There's no sing-alongs at a Nightwish concert, just the little "hey, hey, hey" things. That being said, Jerry and Tobin virtually DON'T interact with the audience at all, and stay on their respective sides, where Marco and Emppu are all over the stage and Emppu in particular is tossing out picks left right and center. Coby has tons of energy, and I guess that kinda makes up for it. He does have A.D.D. after all, and it's totally obvious in his performance, like how he beats his head with the microphone occasionally. That guy's amazing though. Even at giant festivals like Rock am Ring, he gets the audience right into it and has sing-alongs and everything going there too. FUCK I HOPE I GET TO MEET HIM.

Oh, and that DVD is totally sexlicious with all those fantastic Jacoby-package shots ^.^

DAMN! I have to call my dad/Holly before they go to bed, since it's like 9:30 their time, and Holly's prone to falling asleep at the same time as Aiden, lol.

Currently Listening: Between Angels and Insects by Papa Roach

'Cause everything is nothing

And emptiness is in everything.

This reality is really just a fucked-up dream,

With the flesh and the blood that you call your soul.

Flip it inside out,

It's a big black hole.

EDIT: WHAT THE FUCK. Their number isn't in service. This means that they moved and didn't feel the need to a) inform me or b) give me their new number. Please excuse me as I go slit my wrists because my father doesn't love me :(

I'm kidding. I can't handle physical pain anyway, I would never make it as an emo :p

whispers I'm sorry

2008-06-07T00:53:00.004-05:00

I never thought it would matter this much to me, because it shouldn't, but it physically revolts me.

And then I got to wondering what kind of fucked-up things a psychiatrist would see with these weird reactions of mine to different things, if I were to see one. Probably some logical explanation that's right in front of my face but that I just can't or won't focus on.

Ever do that? Where you prevent yourself from thinking certain thoughts and feeling certain feelings because of some weird thing in you where it's like if you think it then everyone will know? Or is that just me being fucked up again? Aha.

Also, I totally need a new project. Non-computer project. I'm thinking a Nightwish scrapbook or something, so that it can remind me that I actually do enjoy life, that'll give me something positive to focus on when things aren't so great, and it can be something that gets my ass out from in front of this computer, away from TVs, and is not just me sleeping. I sleep too much lately during the afternoons and not enough at night. But we'll see. It would require obtaining a scrapbook first.

Sorry about this post btw. I try not to post twice in a day. But I had to vent, so I did. Also, I'm gonna blog every day this month, so prepare yourself.

Currently Listening: You're Better Off Dead by Children of Bodom

Mind your own business and leave mine alone.

Take a look at the real world for a sec.

It's a hell for heroes and heaven for fools,

Makes you the luckiest bastard on earth.

It's not the first time, and this won't be the last.

2008-06-06T12:31:00.007-05:00

Last night from midnight until 2 AM, I had the absolute single most disturbing and dirtiest conversation of my life (which is saying somethnig...I'm not exactly what you'd call "pure-minded"). Oh, it started innocently enough, with Anette trying to get Lucky Charms from Jordan Knight (I had Anette as my dp...Shanel had Jordan as hers), but then this led to Shanel saying Anette looked like she was trying to seduce her, and I told her that no, Anette only has a crush on Tuomas and Jordan and it all went downhill from there. Seriously woah.

Actually, it was just me doing all the talking. Shanel's comments consisted primarily of "OMFG OMFG OMFG" and "I DON'T WANNA KNOW".

So we learned a few things about Anette and Tuomas...and Emppu's flute of seduction (inspired by the pic of Emppu I put as my dp once Shanel got creeped out by Anette)...we talked about Jukka's drumsticks (which I refuse to allow him to use for sexual pleasure devices), and we speculated a bit more on Anette and Tuomas... also, there was dirrrrrty nasty orgy talk. Honestly, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me O.o.

And a certain typo of Shanel's brought up tittyfucking and an entire disturbing conversation followed that. It really is quite traumatizing. I scared MYSELF with some of the things I said.

Also, we've determined that Emppu is gonna bop me at the concert in Seattle. LMFAO.

Oh also, I brought up a conversation Claire and I had in grade 8 regarding waxed broomstick handles, and that led to YET ANOTHER nasty scenario. Which was what I ended with before I went to bed. Shanel and I both thought that the moment would pass after I got some sleep, but I was just a dirty this morning.

We were tired this morning because Emppu kept us up late...and also we were being voyeurs on Anette and Tuomas :p
Isn't that right, Shanel?

Anyways, I had to bring that up. I'm gonna have a hard time topping (lmfao oh the dirty thoughts in my head right now) that conversation. I'm sure it will be fun, and also, traumatizing Shanel is just hilarious.

Oh, and by the way, Anette's a cannibal. We also determined that last night.

SO WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE WEATHER.
I got to school looking like a drowned rat and all I did was wait for 5 minutes in the rain and walked two blocks. And my clothes didn't dry virtually AT ALL in the 3 hours I was at school. It was a fucking hurricane out there, seriously. Thank you Shanel for lending me your sweater today. Even though I didn't warm up very much in the time I used it (not your sweater's fault).

Thank god the afternoon 44 bus-driver stopped to wait for me. Though there were these two girls on the bus that were like my age that kept giving me dirty looks. They were probably wondering who the weirdo was, since likely they know everyone in the area, since likely everyone in the area goes to the same school, and so they've never seen me before.

HOLY FUCK I'M GRADUATING IN A YEAR O.O

And I didn't make a banner, obviously. I tried, but then I got bored and frustrated, so instead I worked on my Nightwish vid, which is about halfway done. THOUGH I WANT TO MURDER PREMIERE ELEMENTS.

Also, I only have 9 gigs left on my hard drive...down from 80. That's really bad.

OMG I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THIS. I just remembered cuz I was looking in my room for Joe's birthday present that I'm mailing off to him on Monday. Well, I'll just finish it off, though it's quite huge.

Day 10 - Lucerne - 22:50 - March 29th

So we're in Switzerland and it is BEAUTIFUL. So so so much nicer than Italy. Everyone is polite and helpful and the food is great. Real meat. We went shopping today but I only bought Swiss chocolate and a knife for my dad. Yesterday supper was chicken in some kind of (really good) sauce with shell pasta and peas. This hotel is really nice and clean and homey.

Today we hiked too, I forgot to mention. I'm a bit sore. Also, Chapman is a prick. I bought M&Ms and iced tea and when I opened the M&Ms the package broke all open and over half the pack fell onto the floor. This happened and I said nothing. Then my iced tea fell and I said, "Fuck!". Mrs. Mahon didn't care at all but Chapman's like, "Excuse me?" so I gave him a look and said, "Crap." and he has this look on his face like I'm treading a very fine line and says, really drawn out, "Hooooly." I wanted to fucking hit him in the face. Like, as if he hasn't heard a student say the word "fuck" before. Asshole.

Also, the Americans are amazed that I can speak French. It's funny.

Day 11 - Alsace - 23:28 - March 30

France has been nice so far.

Our trip here had us stop in Germany's Black Forest for a cuckoo clock demonstration, food, and a tiny bit of shopping. I bought a glass turtle for Janice and a lass angel for Grandma.

Then we stopped in Colmar to shop a bit, though nearly everything was closed since it's Sunday. It was just to kill time because we were ahead of schedule.

Tonight's hotel is a Best Western and it is wonderful! Though only for one night. I got online to find a shitload of comments on my fanfic which has been linked to a Livejournal community (which I'm part of). I'd really like to be home and writing that since I've so many ideas but I, evidetly, cannot. 5 more days.

Tomorrow's Paris, which will be...interesting.

Supper was tuna salad (ewwwwww!), spghetti (that was fantastic!) and breaded chicken with ice cream for dessert.

Absolutely gorgeous weather until nighttime, and now it's really windy.

Really getting homesick at this point.

Day 12 - Paris - 23:21 - March 31

We've arrived...it rained through the day but we got here and it stopped. We took the subway (though I often want to call it "metro" now) to the restaurant, which was Chinese. Since I hate Chinese food, that sucked.

Not much else to say. Tempers are flaring as people grow increasingly homesick (or just craving some alone time) and everyone's bitching all the time.

We wanted to go to the Louvre today since it's closed tomorrow but we got there too late and weren't allowed in. That was pretty disappointing, but it was cool to see the pyramids from the Da Vinci Code.

No internet here, unfortunately, but I'll survive.

Tomorrow we're going to the Eiffel tower and I'm going to meet my mom's friend Isabelle.

Day 14 - London - 20:24 - April 2

Yesterday was pretty cool. As a group, the Canadians went to Montmartre. We were given an hour for lunch, so me, Lizzie, Chantal and Paige wen to an outdoor restaurant at the beckon of a nice man. Big mistake. Drinks alone cost 7.30€. I had a Coe, fries and a 6" sub and it cost 20€. Fucking rip-off. Then me, Lizzie and Kevin went to check out the St-Eustache church and Notre-Dame cathedral. Personally, I thought that St-Eustache was a lot nicer.

We met th rest of the group (who had gone shopping) at the hotel and then we went to Flam's for supper, which was pizza. Skinny pizza, three whole ones. Dessert was more pizza, one apple cinnamon, the other chocolate chip. Chocolate was good. After supper we went to the Eiffel tower where I met Isabelle. She's really nice, but I dind't get to talk to her for long because the rest of the group was heading up. So I went to the top of the tower and it lit up while I was in the elevator, on the way. It was gorgeous. We headed down and some guy told me to give a rose to Chantal from him. I asked how much and he said free 'cause he "liked her". The he told me to pay, 2 roses for 5€. I had like 2€ on me and only got one anyways, so I told him no. Then he went and gave a rose to Paige and told me then to pay. I gave him the 2€ and he told me to get another three but thankfully we had to leave for the boat.

The boat ride sucked. It was an hour later because of water height or something and then it was dull and everything I saw from the bus. Pointless. Went to the hotel and promptly fell asleep.

Today we caught the train to London where we were supposed to get on a bus right away and go for a tour. The bus was stuck i traffic and arrived 4 hours late. In this time, I bought Kerrang!, which has a small article on Nightwish (I think I've read it about five times now). The bus finally arrived and we went for the tour. Our tour guide was great and London is quite interesting. I love the accents; they make me smile.

Fish and chips for supper and I had to sit with the American girls. I may have misjudged them; they seemed quite nice and friendly. If only I knew what they said about me once they were out of earshot.

In a room with Ellen and Alex. Really awkward and no attempt to be friendly. Oh well, only one more night.

One more night!

I hope to go to Abbey Road tomorrow...

Day 15 - London - 22:58 - April 3

The day is ended and so closes WPC's Europe trip. All 'round it's been really interesting to experience different cultures, meet new people, make friends with previous aquaintances and see different things.

London, I have to say, is my favourite city. Not only does everything look quaint and clean, people aren't afraid to be "different", to look and act "outside the norm". It's really rare to see in Winnipeg.

Anyways, today we went to Leicester Square and the National Gallery. They gave us the afternoon for free time, so me, Chantal and Paige took off to do some shopping. I bought an England hoodie (which is the first touristy thing I've bought), a cross necklace that looked cool, a paintingprint for Holly and a Sirenia CD. The HMV here is EPIC! I wish the ones in Winnipeg were that big!

There were two downsides to today.

I lost my credit card this morning and sarch frantically for it for like an hour, called my mom at 4 AM her time to tell her and she transferred $300 to my debit card to withdraw, called CAA to report my card lost and they suspended it.

Turns out it was in Paige's purse.

And we got lost and Paige started yelling at me in the middle of a crowded square. We had been looking for the meeting place but could not find it and she was getting mad 'cause my suggestions weren't the right places.

Actully, one was. We passed it by, found it later. I really wanted to get my mom a necklace or something pretty and expensive, but had no time once we got lost. I bought her a scarf. I hope she likes it anyway.

I'm going to move to London one day.

Well that's it. Trip's over. 'Twas awesome!

What happened after: My cross necklace was almost confiscated at Heathrow airport, and there was a good ten minutes spent by three people who were trying to decide whether or not I was going to stab anyone with it. I got to keep it though. Security measures there are way higher than security here. We don't have to take our shoes off here, for example. There was a delay at the Toronto airport to get back home, by like two hours. We all passed out on the floor of the airport because we'd been up for over 24 hours. I have never been so happy to be home in my life. Shanel glomped me almost as soon as I was off the stairs, but I was so tired I didn't recognize her until a few seconds had passed. She hugged me before my parents did, haha. There was snow outside, so that sucked a lot. But I was home, so I didn't care!

All my pics are here.

Seriously, British accents are the most adorable things ever.

Priceless quote (not said to me) from London:
Guy: So are you guys American?
Ellen: No, we're Canadian.
Guy: You know what I like best about Canadians? They aren't American.

That would suck if I moved there though, because of my accent (or lack thereof), it wold be automatically assumed I was American. According to Melanie (my mom's friend who lived there for like 6 years), she got treated really badly because they thought she was American. And sometimes she'd say she was Canadian and they'd go, "Same thing."

Man why do they hate Americans so? I mean, I know I'm bitter about them, but that's mostly residue of the way their media portrays Canadians (the dumb, high people to the North who are focused entirely on back bacon, maple syrup and beer. Also, we're all complete hillbillies). In actuality, the vast majority of Americans I've ever spoken to are the nicest people ever. But oh well. I guess Europeans wouldn't listen to a Canadian saying that, would you guys? Because I'm just as bad ;-).

Whatever, I still want to live in Europe. It would be awesomesauce, and I actually think that the U of W has an exchange program to a German university that has film courses in English too. U of W has exchange to Sweden, but their film program's in Swedish, so I wouldn't be able to go. GERMANY IS JUST AS GOOD THOUGH!

Currently Listening: Heart Failure by Sixx:A.M.

As the blood is rushing to my head
And from my wrists.
I'm in love with all the things
I know I should resist.
And all the times you said to me
That falling down was destiny.
A simple thought occurs to me.

This is just a courtesy call.

2008-06-05T12:54:00.007-05:00

Hellu.

If you tried to visit late last night or earlier today, you would have found my blog set to private. Now do you see why? And what do you think of the new layout? A new header is in the works, and will likely be up later tonight, or even after I eat lunch. The background's something I literally just threw together in Photoshop. I'll probably make something nice, but for the time being, it works. If anyone's up to it, make me a header or background, since any would kick my own headers' and backgrounds' asses. Just send me an email, it's in my profile. It's cool if no one does, but you'd be credited. And yeah, I'll make some shit to put on here within the next couple weeks.

Hmm, so I finally downloaded Sixx:A.M.'s album, and OMG! It's so fscking ORGASMIC. It isn't often that I like every single song on an album the first time I listen to it. I tihnk the ONLY albums in the past where on first listen I've liked it in its entirety are Dark Passion Play and Getting Away With Murder.
You
must
listen
to
this
album.
It
is
so
absolutely
fantastic.
Love
it.

Sixx:A.M. kicks your ass. As well as Motley Crue's. I'm soooo happy I'm seeing them live! Papa Roach and Sixx:A.M. in one concert omg XD.

Don't have much else to say.

I'm completely hopelessly absolutely ADDICTED to Papa Roach again because Jacoby is SO HOT OMG. His voice totally melts my weak little heart. I swoon on the inside for him all the time.

No no Nightwish isn't being replaced.

IN FACT! I did some calculating and found that even if I were to get a job in July and worked full-time, I would have enough money to go see them after 5 weeks! SO IT'S PRETTY MUCH A FOR SURE THING! YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhd so pumped you have absolutely no idea! I die a little bit with happiness on the inside every time I think about it. I'm way more excited for that concert than Papa Roach. But Papa Roach has a new album coming out soon omg! Everything's SO FUCKING GREAT! I officially adore 2008.

Officially.

Currently Listening: Tomorrow by Sixx:A.M.

And are you terrified by sadness?
And have you given in to madness?

You're running out of places to hide.

'Cause everybody's got a reason

To justify how they're feeling.

Maybe you should open your eyes.

aghhhhhhh

2008-06-04T16:34:00.004-05:00

My Oceanborn CD arrived today! I hadn't realized that I actually wound up ordering the 2008 re-released collector's edition or whatever, but it's all cool. The "autographs" are actually on the CD itself, and barely visible for that matter, but it's interesting because Emppu's looks the same now and Tuomas' and Jukka's look a lot messier now than they did then, aha. What else is so special about this edition, you ask? Well there's a big-ass biography in the CD booklet, and a little thing about Oceanborn on the back of the CD, as well as 4 bonus tracks, 3 of which are live. I'm not much of a fan of live tracks (the ones on OTHAFA give me a headache, that damn warbling), but we'll see I suppose. All in all, I wouldn't have paid extra for it, but I didn't so it's all good! Now I just need Angels Fall First to have all their studio albums (singles to be worked on following this).

I totally want live tracks of the "new era" performing the old songs though. Like, properly recorded ones. I would kill for that.

I haven't eaten today. At all. It's almost 5, and I feel insanely ill BECAUSE I haven't eaten. Obviously the simple solution would be to eat, but the question is...what? I'm not going to cook a meal, since the parents are gonna be home in like half an hour, and they'll be making supper (*crosses fingers that it's something she'll actually eat*), and there's virtually no snack foods appealing to me right now. I guess I'll just be patient and starve for a bit more.

Also, I feel like someone's ripped open my stomach and is clawing around on my insides. But that's not because of the hunger. :S

I'm completely exhausted today, and I don't know why. I even went to bed like an hour earlier than usual last night and passed out right away. Though I woke up many times during the night...I was quite restless apparently. It's actually becoming a problem, I think, the amount of times I wake up in a night. Seriously, that can't be normal. I can wake up like five times in an hour, no exaggerating. I don't get it. But oh well.

STILL haven't picked up my PRoach tickets. REALLY have to get on that.

And my mom is insisting I take up lessons again *rolls eyes*. Either film courses or keyboard lessons. I can't take film courses though, due to my busted video camea, so I guess keyboard lessons it is. Whatever, that' all cool. I wanted to do that anyway, it just sucks because the keyboard at home is insanely outdated. Well, I'll get a new one if I don't wind up going to Nightwish, but I still manage to save a lot of money for it. And then I'll get a new guitar. I have wanted a new guitar for like 3 years now...Though mine's all covered in awesome stickers and stuff. I'll keep that one in one tuning and use the other for a different kind. Well depending on if I get a floating bridge or not, because if I get a guitar with a floating bridge...it's staying in one tuning. Those things are absolute BITCHES to tune, apparently, and I would believe it.

Well, I guess I'll take off. Fanfic's updated, but honestly it didn't turn out how I wanted it to, and it's about 200 words shorter than usual. Oh well, hope you like it anyway. And I'm gonna go and like collapse now.

Currently Listening: Crash and Burn by Savage Garden

Let me be the one you call,

If you jump, I'll break your fall,

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night.

If you need to fall apart,

Well I can mend a broken heart.

If you need to crash, then crash and burn,

You're not alone.

That is possibly my absolute favourite pick-me-up song EVER.

2008-06-03T16:21:00.011-05:00

Click it.

It is priceless (not like hilarious priceless, but it only happens once). I had to share.
I hope you know what I'm talking about, and if you don't then you are unobservant ^.^.
It was the first thing I noticed when I signed on to Youtube today.

Currently Listening: Accidents Can Happen by Sixx:A.M.

Don't give up, it takes awhile.
I have seen this look before.
And it's alright, you're not alone
If you don't love this anymore.
I hear that you slipped again.
I'm here 'cause I know you need a friend.

EDIT EDIT EDIT: My quiz is posted! ^.^ You can find it if you have the Quizzer app on Myspace, Facebook, Bebo or hi5. It's the "Which Papa Roach song are you?" quiz. YAYNESS!

Naturally a Nightwish one is imminent. And likely some other bands too.

The scent of awakening, wildhoney and dew.

2008-06-02T21:08:00.005-05:00

Yes, I know things are trippy and weird and different right now. New layout on the way...be patient with me. Blogger's html is a bit strange.
Woo big plans and a step up in the world for me.

Fuck, I'm addicted to the Quizzer app on Myspace, though I was exceptionally peeved to find that a quiz I'd been working on for a great deal of time never went through. Fuck you, Myspace. Fuck you.

ALSO I'm trying to, slowly but surely, become more active on LJ. I don't know what it is about that site that always has me shaking in my boots with shyness, but seriously. It's lame, since I have no issues that major with any other sites.

IF YOU HAVE LJ, ADD ME AS A FRIEND. *nudges you over towards the links box*

Ahem, that's all for today.

Currently Listening: Meadows of Heaven by Nightwish

Flowers wither, treasures stay hidden,

Until I see the first star of fall.

I fall asleep and see it all;

Mother's care and colour of the kites.

Meadows of heaven.

100. +5

2008-06-01T23:30:00.003-05:00

I told you I was making a big, big list. Well, I wrote down my top 100 songs, in alphabetical order. All have been linked, if possible (meaning all except the three I uploaded but that won't process), and I kept off the artist names for a reason ;-). Go listen to some if the title strikes your fancy. Or don't, whateves. It kept me occupied for a good long time (I have got an epic music library, after all...you wouldn't believe how many more I had on here but cut), so I'm content, but I'd be interested to hear if you find a new song you love, or a new song you hate, or if you already loved some of the ones on there, and some of your favourite songs. Or not. It's all down to you, dear, darling, absolutely fantastic reader.

I bolded the ones I find cheer me up, and italicized the sad ones, and put a star next to the angry ones. Left the others blank. Because I'm a nerd like that. 8B

1) 4 A.M.
2) 7 Days to the Wolves
3) Accidents Can Happen
4) All Comes Out in the Wash
5) Amaranth
6) Amour
7) And Love Said No
8) Angels
9) Angels/Losing/Sleep
10) Attendance
11) Augen Auf!
12) Automatic Flowers*
13) Away
14) Because You Live
15) Beautiful
16) Beauty of the Beast
17) Between Angels and Insects*
18) Bless the Child
19) Brennende Liebe
20) Broken Home
Interesting trivia: there were two nervous breakdowns from crew members during the filming of this video.
21) Burn Your Eyes*
22) Can’t Make it Good
23) Children of Decadence*
24) Confessional
25) Crash and Burn
26) Cry With a Smile
27) Dancing With the Enemy
28) Dead Boy’s Poem
29) Dead to the World
30) Escapist
31) Eve
32) Fake It
33) Feint
34) Follow the Cops Back Home
35) For All Lovers
36) Forever Yours
37) Get Out Alive
38) Getting Away With Murder*
"What's a protest video without some hot girl-on-girl action?" Too good not to quote (it's from an article about the video).
Interesting trivia: At the very end of the video, for two frames, you can see all the band members' faces covered in blood.
39) Glades of Summer
40) Gott ist ein Popstar
41) Happiness & the Fish
42) Heart Full of Fire
43) Hope
44) I Am No Angel
45) I Am (Your Pleasuremaker)
46) Ich Will
47) I Don’t Care*
48) Innocent
49) Is Anybody Home?
Interesting trivia: The actress in this video is Katherine Moennig from The L Word.
50) Julia
51) Killing Loneliness
52) Lay Down
53) Life
Interesting trivia: There were two versions of this video made; the Canadian one and the US one. The US version features solely the band and no actors.
54) Life is Beautiful
55) Meadows of Heaven
56) Minor Heaven
57) Mutter*
58) My Heart is a Fist
59) Never Enough*
60) No More Secrets*
61) Not Enough
62) Nothing
63) Not Coming Home
Random bit of nothingness: I, personally, call this "the happy-sounding sad Christmas song" and listen to it obsessively on repeat on Christmas Eve.
64) Not Listening*
65) Never Too Late
66) Oasis
67) Ohne Dich
68) Over and Over
69) Phoenix and the Fall*
70) Pray for Me
71) Reise, Reise
72) Riot*
73) Rosenrot
74) Running Up That Hill
75) Same Old Song*
76) Sell My Soul
77) She is My Sin
78) Shut Your Mouth*
79) Sleeping Sun [2005]
80) So Far So Good*
81) Sometimes
82) Song to say Goodbye
83) Sorry*
84) SOS*
85) Superman’s Dead
86) Taking Over Me
87) The Addict
88) The Less I Know
89) The Power of Love
90) The World Around You*
91) Thief
Interesting trivia: The song was written in memory of a young girl named Mina Kim, who died of a brain tumour.
92) Tired of Being Alone
93) Tourniquet
94) Twenty Years
95) Unwritten
96) Waiting
97) With Me
98) Wings of a Butterfly
99) Wonderful
Interesting trivia: This was filmed entirely with a hand-held camera, and yes, it is the official video.
100) Yellow Brick Road
Interesting trivia: He wound up raising $24,000.

And I just thought of these five, aha.

+1 Empire
+2 Fading Away
+3 Land im Sicht
+4 Do or Die
+5 Kiss on the Mouth

Anyways, I'm serious. Tell me what you think if you bothered to listen to even one. I'm always curious to know these things. I don't bite, so don't be afraid to comment. If anything, comments elate me and make me feel wanted and extremely grateful! aha.

Though whatever. If no one comments, I won't be heart-broken or anything. I've already commenced my next big, big list, so I'm a happy camper!

Currently Listening: All For You by Our Lady Peace

A suburban man at my door,

But I don't think I'll let him in.

He wants discipline, discipline.

Control over the way I live.

He wants the best for me,

Old school philosophy,

And I can't turn my back on him.

He's a part of me, he'd buy me anything,

But I just need a friend.

It's not something I want...it's something I NEED.

2008-05-29T23:05:00.005-05:00

I want to go see Nightwish on September 9th in Seattle.

To do this, I would have to buy the concert ticket, obviously. And then a plane ticket to Victoria, and another to come home, and then pay for a ferry to take my father and I (since my mom won't let me go without a parent) over to Seattle. I would have to pay for accomodation for the night, since ferries stop running at 9. Sometimes The Clipper has deals for this, except their website is confusing me.

Regardless, I NEED a job now like I never have before. Guess who's seriously going to apply at fast food places? I don't care anymore. I really, really NEED to go to this concert, like seriously. I have to go. This isn't something I just "want" to do. And no matter what I have to do, short of murder, or physically harming someone, or prostituting myself (aha), I am going to this concert. I'll get part-time work at a fucking fast food place, and for a month at least I'll have an advantage over regular high school kids. And then for summer I'll work full-time. And I'll do absolutely any odd jobs that anyone has for me. I HAVE to go to this concert. It's a necessity.

Plus, Joe said he'd meet me there :p

BUT I NEED TO SEE THEM AGAIN.

I told my mom she should just let me go see the damn concert in Toronto, but she refuses, since I know no one who lives there. Goddamn everyone who lives in/around Ottawa. MOVE TO TORONTO. OMFG IT JUST OCCURED TO ME. I could go see Aunt Delphine and she could bring me to Montreal to see them!

Nah, I don't feel comfortable asking something like that from her.

BUT IT WOULD BE SO MUCH SIMPLER. So, so much. And I wouldn't have to fork out over $1000 to go see Nightwish. Hmm, perhaps I shall discuss this with my G.I.-Jo.

Regardless, I am going to see Nightwish again on this tour of theirs. I can't even fathom not being able to go. Seriously. If there's a fucking god, let this work out.

Hell, I could stoop so low as to take a loan from someone and sink deeper in debt. IT WOULD BE SO FUCKING WORTH IT.

We'll see, I guess.

I'm sorry, I just had to rant about that.

Currently Listening: Post Blue by Placebo

Bite the hand that feeds.
Tap the vein that bleeds.

Down on my bended knees,

I break the back of love for you.

and so the rambling begins!

2008-05-27T13:03:00.010-05:00

So...hi! I'm pretty much addicted to memes, so forgive me, but here's another. You can just skip past it if you want, to the "substance" part. Aha. Right, because me rambling about this that and absolutely nothing of importance is "substance".

TEN songs off the top of your head.
10] Beauty of the Beast by Nightwish
9] Heart Full of Fire by Brother Firetribe
8] Shut Your Mouth by PAIN
7] Amaranth by Nightwish
6] Carnival by Our Lady Peace
5] Burn Your Eyes by Oomph!
4] No More Secrets by Papa Roach
3] Accidents Can Happen by Sixx:A.M.
2] 7 Days to the Wolves by Nightwish
1] Lovestoned/I Think She Knows by Justin Timberlake

NINE inside joke topics.
9] V.S.
8] "I AM STANGHERLIN! HEAR ME ROAR!"
7] The Grand Mole
6] Art as the capital punishment
5] Turtleleaf
4] Pulsating boobs
3] Yams in the closet
2] *couch* *couch*
1] Crunchy peanut butter
(haha omg all were with Shanel except one...and there's more! I wanna add more! Eeyyuiuiesakasda.)

EIGHT friends that have had you at their home.
8] Cory
7] Shanel
6] Chantal
5] Jessica
4] Sarah
3] Tina
2]
1]
(aww that makes me sad :(. I could include Provencher friends...then it would be filled up. Do they count as friends anymore?)

SEVEN things you like {excluding people}.
7] Nightwish!!!
6] guitars
5] horror movies
4] books
3] blogs (aha)
2] webcomics
1] Rock Band

SIX dates that are important to you.
6] June 15th
5] June 21st
4] February 26th
3] May 22nd
2] October 3rd
1] January 20th

FIVE {material} things you want.
5] another guitar
4] that Amaranth shirt (omg I must have it...*twitchtwitch*)
3] money
2] a PostSecret book
1] a new video camera

FOUR things you've done today.
4] a math quiz
3] took the bus
2] ate
1] woke up

THREE cities you've been in.
3] Victoria, BC
2] London, England
1] Munich, Germany

TWO tv shows you watch.
2] House
1] Gossip Girl

ONE thing you should be doing right now.
1] writing a wishlist

SOOOoooOOoooOO...I made 25 icons last night (a record for moi). 20 of Anette, 5 of Emppu. I'm not done making Emppu icons, though, and then I have the rest of the band, and then I will consider the set complete and post a link for anyone who cares ^.^.
I also wrote two chapters of the fanfic. DRAMA OMG!
That thing's at 49 pages on Word. It's EPIC. (haha omg, I almost wrote "empic" and then I saw my typo and thought "aww...Emppu." geehaahah)

Hm, so that PAIN song, "Shut Your Mouth"...I'm pretty much addicted to it. IT IS SO AWESOME!

And then I watch this version, with Nightwish, and it's STILL super awesome, if not more awesome by the mere fact that Nightwish is in it...but am I the only one who thinks it is SO WEIRD to hear Anette say "fuck"? She's all singing in this girly, melodious, sweet little voice...it just seems so out of place. That and I'm pretty sure I've not heard her say "fuck" before. IT TRIPS ME OUT OMG. But it's still awesome anyway.

Anette. Is. Too. Awesome. For. Words.

And Emppu is possibly the most adorable person to walk the face of this Earth. I totally want to put him in my pocket and carry him home. Or at least be friends with him, he'd be an awesome friend to have :p
Too bad that won't ever happen in my life.

What else. Well, Papa Roach's new album is now going to be called "Metamorphosis". Gawd I wanna hear more clips from that album. Now. I've already resolved not to snatch leaks and whatnot beforehand, but to save the excitement for the release date (which hasn't yet been set). Besides, I'm sure I'll hear a few of their new songs when I go see them in concert (speaking of which...I totally have to pick up my tickets still). I've yet to check out TRAPT and Buckcherry, who are also playing the concert, but at least I know I like Sixx:A.M. and Papa Roach! And Motley Crue is...okay.

Aww Eva started playing and it's making me all sad.

I totally wish Johan would sign onto MSN. Because last time I talked to him (like...forever ago), we were talking about Anette and how she's Swedish and how I think Swedish everything is awesome (he's Swedish. By the way. I probably should have mentioned). It was so trippy to see him listening to Amaranth, because he added me from PRU. I totally attacked him when I saw that (that was pretty much when I got all addicted to that song for the first time). Anyways, his band put up some of their re-recorded songs on their Myspace, and I only have the demos (pretty bad quality), so I want him to send me the re-recorded ones! But he's never online anymore.

I'm trying to decide which solo to focus all my attentions on mastering: Ever Dream, She is my Sin or Beauty of the Beast. Opinions?
The problem is that with BOTB, the tempo is COMPLETELY fucked up for the guitar part. SERIOUSLY WTF. Notes are easy, but it's very hard to hear how it goes into the song. It does though, because that song is like my favourite Nightwish song, and so obviously is flawless except for the glaring grammatical error, but one looks past these things in songs, especially if the songwriter's native language is not English.

Haha, am I on A.D.D. mode or something?

THE FOLLOWING CONVERSATION HAS BEEN MILDLY EDITED.
[back story: I had a pic of Anette being insane as my dp]
(7:13 PM) Theodore goes to the zoo:
ur dp scares me..its like she is watching me
(7:14 PM) Paradise Poetry:
oh...she is
(7:14 PM) Paradise Poetry:
she's like, "Imma murder Shanel in her sleep"
(7:14 PM) Theodore goes to the zoo:
and im like " if that bitch come near me m gonna go porkchop on her ass"
(7:15 PM) Paradise Poetry:
and she's like, "ain't no way she goin go porkchop on my ass, or Imma KILL her with my awesome Amaranth scream"
(7:16 PM) Theodore goes to the zoo:
and i will bludgen her with the rock man dreams
(7:16 PM) Paradise Poetry:
rock man dreams?!
(7:17 PM) Theodore goes to the zoo:
rock band drums rofl
[some conversation passes]
(7:24 PM) Theodore goes to the zoo:
anneteee scaresme
(7:25 PM) Paradise Poetry:
would you like me to change my dp?
(7:27 PM) Theodore goes to the zoo:
no i can hit her
(7:28 PM) Paradise Poetry:
HIT her?! but you can't hit Nettan!
[to this she had no response as she randomly disappeared into the void of non-answering]

She later explained to me that she meant to say "no, I can just say hi to her" or something like that.
It amuses me to go through old MSN conversations.
I just reread all the messages Shanel left me while I was in Europe, and I almost died laughing. SHANEL YOU'RE HILARIOUS DON'T EVER CHANGE!
The MSN convos with ink drawings are particularly funny. Too bad I can't copy said drawings into here for the world to see. Damn. oh well. *keels over laughing*

Sorry, I should go. I'd thought of something to write but then I got distracted by my old MSN convos with peeps, heh.

@Daria: Ah I see. You see, generally when people are weirdly formal to me, it's because I pissed them off. Now that I know such is not the case with you, I shall not misinterpret again ^.^

On that note...*jumps upstairs to get some hot chocolate and food of some sort!*

GOTTA FINISH MY MATH PROJECT OMG O.O

Currently Listening: I Am No Angel by Alyson Avenue

I am no angel.

I am no angel, can't you see?

I lied and I'm sorry.

Oh, I am no angel dressed in white.